Post # 1
Bees, I am not going into too much detail but I need some help and comfort. We are both in our late 20s and are serious, talked about marriage etc. He wasn’t treating me well and I finally decided to end things two days ago after another “talk” which ended with him being super defensive and going back on any apologies or promises he had made in the past. I am now questioning myself and everything seems pointlesss now. I cried all day yesterday and today right when the pain hits the second I woke up. Im dying to call him. I just want to stop crying. I know its not my first breakup and how it takes time etc, logically I know all that but it just doesnt resonate with me right now. All I could think is the way he “gets me” and everything that happened. I feel so broken, I dunno what to do with myself. I’m an introvert and I definitely dun wanna be around people now, so being around friends is not really an option. I just need help bees, trying to breathe, trying to stop shaking and crying. Is it all truly over? What if I text him?
Post # 2
Delete his number.
You said he doesn’t treat you well, why would you want to go back to that? Of course the break up hurts but it’s time to move forward, not backward.
You don’t have to be around people if you don’t want but keep yourself busy somehow. Go see a movie, go for a hike or a run, go shopping, treat yourself to a day of pampering.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club
foodie90 : break ups suck, and like you said, youve been through them. but remember, you were able to get into a new relationship eventually. between that time, did you do anything that helped you heal? texting him wont help
Post # 4
Do not call. Do not text.
Talk to us. Tell us what happened.
Post # 5
sassy411 : Yes, the support here really does help. I would instill the 30 day No Contact Rule. It gives you time to heal…and not to play games but your silence and mystery is the best thing you could do right now.
Post # 6
I really don’t have any advice because I’ve never really dealt with breakups in a healthy way
But when I split with my ex fiancé, I thought the pain would never go away. I thought I would have a hole in my heart forever. I was close to his mom as well which made it worse. I didn’t think I would ever find love because he was the love for me. I was completely devastated.
It will be six years at the end of this year and I can tell you, the pain does end. It does go away. And it’s seriously so cliche but time really does heal.
The bees will have some good advice on how to pass the time in ways that are healthy for you. I just wanted to reassure you that it does get better because I thought it never would
Post # 7
I agree with the poster above. I’ll add that the best thing to do is something outside your home, with friends, even if you’re an introvert and even if you’d rather cut off your arm than go out. I thought the pain would kill me when my husband left. I woke up clutching my chest in pain. I get it.
Only thing that scientifically helps is creating new synopsis in your brain by experiencing something new. Even if it’s a sucky blind date. Spend the night at a friend’s house. Do Whatever. But that will help the most.
And it’s normal to have rose colored glasses about your relationship when you first have a breakup. Doesn’t mean your decision wasn’t right, because I guarantee you had pain and cried about it before you did it. Keep true to yourself.
Post # 8
I know the pain you’re feeling now. I’ve felt it too and it’s caused me to go back to every ex I ever broke up with at least once….which was always a mistake. You broke up for a reason. Try to stay strong, avoid texting him, and believe that the way you’re feeling now will pass with time.
Also, you need to get out of your house. One of the worst days of my life was after a breakup with my toxic ex (I took him back the next day, like a moron). I was beside myself…literally tearing my hair out, pacing around my 1-br apartment like a rabid zombie just sobbing for hours. In retrospect I should have gotten the hell out of there, even if just to go to the movies by myself or something, because it felt like I was in prison. Get out of your home, run some errands, just do something – I promise it will help. AND DON’T TEXT HIM!
Post # 9
foodie90 : I think you have been amazing in that you recognised he wasn’t treating you well and then decided to call it quits. I am going through a break up that he wanted for a thrid time but I should have called it a day a year ago and never looked back but I held on to the fact I believed he was the one.
I know how hard it is right now but you have to stick to your decision because you know it’s not right, he isn’t right and nor was his behaviour. You will feel up and down over the next few weeks but remember that you are loved by friends and family. And remind yourself of what you want in a man and he simply wasn’t providing it. I totally admire you for making that decision. Focus on yourself- delete him from social media and your phone (looking causes more pain than anything else) and I promise you you will get through it. Everyone deserves a happy and healthy relationship and whilst it hurts now, it won’t when you meet the right man xxxx
Post # 10
If he “got you” then you wouldn’t have dumped him. Your feelings are liars!
Post # 11
foodie90 : I really feel for you cause I know what its like. Don’t doubt yourself, he will not change as evidenced by your multiple talks. Keep remembering all his negatives because thinking of the good times will make you hurt more. Spend time on yourself, I also struggled being w/friends during the early weeks of the break up. Don’t date, don’t sleep around, work on yourself. I promise the pain gets better, you will heal. Absolutely NO CONTACT, that’ll impede your healing.
Post # 12
Thanks everyone! I will try my best not to contact him. I have blocked him on FB and deleted his number but I have it memorized so that’s that.
Is it really ok to cry so hard until its so hard to breathe? I just want that to stop. Logically I know it will pass, people go thru breakups all the time but part of me thinks Im having it worst of all. I would stare at my phone waiting for him to call/txt to apologize. I know its a fantasy and its dumb of me to keep wanting that.
Can I really not see him ever again?
Post # 13
foodie90 : cut off contact. Delete him and his friends from all social media. If you think that’s dramatic then just hide their posts.
Also, remove or box up all the the gifts you exchanged or things that remind you of him. The less reminder the better.
Do things you want to do. Take yourself on dates. Pamper yourself. Lean on your friends and family.
Your future is so bright. In a few weeks you’re going to be so much stronger and thankful for the breakup.
Post # 14
You broke up like two minutes ago, of course you’re a mess.
I want you to start setting goals for yourself. Goal number 1, I will not reach out to ex or respond to him in any manner if he reaches out to me for one whole week.
When that first week is up, set another goal. I will not reach out to/respond to ex for two weeks. So on and so fourth.
Give yourself a month or so of space and let the initial shock pass.
Post # 15
He didn’t treat you well. Make a list of every unkind thing he ever said or did, every promise broken. Write them all down.
Save your list, you can add to it as more and more incidents pop into your mind.
You can keep it to yourself if you prefer or you can share it. You’re certainly welcome to post it here.