(Closed) Dying on the inside…. :-(

posted 8 years ago in TTC
Post # 17
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@graygodess20:  I know it can feel strange at first, talking with a virtual stranger and telling them your most private pain, but it can be so, so helpful. Sometimes we can’t get all of the emotional support we need via spouses or family, because they are struggling, too. Please, do consider it. You sound like you’re in so much pain. 🙁

Post # 18
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 1994

@graygodess20:  you can talk to them because they are professionals. They are highly skilled and trained to understand what you are going through and assist you through it.  Not all therapists have a “how does that make you feel” approach, only the bad ones! I’ve seen 2 therapists (one for an eating disorder, one for a grievance), but I always made sure I clicked with them and felt like I respected and valued their opinions and advice. 

Post # 20
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee

@graygodess20:  I’m so sorry that you are going through this . They say it gets better- stay strong x

Post # 21
Member
2315 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so, so sorry. I have nothing else really to say but that, but wanted to pop in and show some support.

Post # 22
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 1994

@graygodess20: 

some specialize in certain domains of mental health, but the most important thing is to find someone you think you will connect well with. Don’t get too hung up on finding someone who specializes in grievance, instead make sure you find someone you feel like you could speak to.  

For me, it was important that my therapist be a woman, around my age, and that I felt I could speak freely without judgement.

Look at the biographies of the therapists/counsellors in your area, most of them have websites, etc.  Sometimes you can get a feel for who they are/how they practise from their bio. 

Post # 23
Member
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@graygodess20:  It sounds like you need some perspective.  I can understand the dissapointment but not the anger and resentment.  If you and your husband are healthy and living in a comfortable home then you still have lives to live regardless if you have children or not.  As long as you’re waking up every day, there’s hope.  There is opportunity.  If not for kids than something else.  

Life doesn’t always go as we planned.  Its normal to grieve over that but at some point, you have to try to remember and refocus on what you do have rather than getting stuck on what you don’t.  

Good luck. 

Post # 24
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I just wanted to pop by and say that i’m so sorry.

I had a mc 6 years ago now and i still think about that baby and we still talk about him or her and include a star in any ‘family’ related things (i stuck a rhinestone star to the bottom of my wedding shoes, and we have various family related art works in our house that all include a little star somewhere) i was very angry and completely devestated when it happened to us, i’m similar to you in that i don’t tend to talk about my feelings i go into myself until i can make sense of my own head if you get what i mean? and it did take me a good while, at least a year to be able to talk about loosing our baby.  To make matters worse a lady i worked with turned up with her new baby the day i started back at work and another colleague announced his wife was pregnant…  Not as bad as your situation, i know xxx

I found that it helped a little to be able to have something to symbalise our baby with me, for me i bought a tiny silver necklace with angel wings on it, i think from dogeared, which i wore until my now 4 year old was born and got to the stage where she was pulling things.  Maybe something similar would help you a little? doesn’t have to be a necklace, i read somewhere that a lady bought herself a plain wedding band that she wore all of the time on her right ring finger which i thought was lovely too.  Big virtual hug x

Post # 25
Member
1922 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

So sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any advice, other to say we are here to support you. I hope you get back to your old self soon. I really hope you don’t push your husband away, try to remember he lost a child too with the MC. Maybe that will help you relate to him a little better. Please forgive me if that is not what you want to hear. I’m only trying to be supportive. xoxoxo

Post # 26
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@graygodess20:  I’ve had 2 miscarriages. Unfortunately it happens but it doesn’t mean you’ll never carry a baby to term. I was still able to be genuinely happy for my pregnant friends and I dealt with the losses. If you can’t, then I agree with PPs that you may need to talk to someone. It is hard, but I’m sure you will get pregnant again and have a healthy baby. In the meantime, I’m sure your best friend would love you to be a part of her joy. 

Post # 27
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@graygodess20:  I’m so sorry, that’s incredibly difficult.  It is so hard to face struggles in this process and then get pg announcements, especially from close friends.  DH and I have been unsuccessfully TTC for 17 months, and my best friend recently got pg the first try with #2 – the day she told me was a really hard day for me despite being happy for her.  I was simultaneously happy for her and her family while also sad for me and what I’m missing in my life.  I wish I had words of comfort but just know that you are not alone at all.  Sending positive thoughts your way. *hugs*

 

Post # 28
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@graygodess20:  I just wanted to let you know that it is immensely difficult and you should try and talk with someone. If you find yourself pushing your DH away instead of turning to him for strength I HIGHLY recommend couseling and therapy or a support group so that you know you are NOT alone. My SIL had a miscarriage fairly far into her pregnancy and it was awful but she recovered in time and has 2 beautiful, healthy boys now. It does not mean it is impossible. I’m sorry for your loss.

Post # 29
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@graygodess20:  I am so sorry for you.  Jealousy skyrockets when TTC while everyone around you is popping up pregnant.  Maybe just distance yourself from your BFF, and reconnect with your husband, try to focus on the good parts of your life, and talk to a counselor if you need to.  Everyones lives have differnt paths, its hard to justify why some people get lucky (it may seem lucky to us, but maybe your BFF was devestated when she found out she was pregnant – not like she would really admit that now though) and why others need to struggle through life.

Post # 30
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@graygodess20:  HUGS to you! What you are feeling is TOTALLY normal!!!! Don’t feel bad for being upset and yes of course it will be hard for you to be happy for her. As someone pregnant with a rainbow baby after a m/c I know what you’re going through. You will have your rainbow baby soon too 🙂

Post # 31
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m so sorry! What about a miscairrage support group of some sort… my sister went through 2 miscarriages and found it helpful to talk to other women who were going through the same thing.

As much as it hurts… try to use this time to lean on your husband. He’s there for you. It was his child too. Its natural to pull away but as hard as it is just try to pull closer.

And don’t lose hope, theres blessings through the pain. My sister had 2 miscarriages but she also has 5 kids. 2 of which would not exist if it weren’t for what she went through.

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