(Closed) Dying on the inside…. :-(

posted 8 years ago in TTC
Post # 33
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m so glad you are seeing the light.  I’ve found that there has to be a link to miscarriages and the fertility of the rest of the world.  I’ve had 6 losses, and every time, there were multiple people who announced pregnancies just after I announced my loss.  It hurts like hell and no two ways about it.  My first miscarriage, my SIL (she was very very considerate to us and let us know privately prior to saying anything publicly) announced just weeks after our loss.  I’m so glad in the end that everything went smoothly, but how hard it was watching her pass the milestones at roughly the same time that I should have been (she was due just a couple of weeks after my due date) that had been torn away from me.  

I get it.  I totally get the hurt and anger of what you’ve lost.  So many people don’t get the weight of it (not saying on here, just saying in my experience) and just think of it as ‘nothing’ or ‘a bundle of cells and that’s it’.  It’s so much more though no matter how little time we have with them.  It’s the whole future that we started planning the moment we knew.  It’s the loss of that instantaneous bond.  It’s the loss of all of the firsts.  I’m hoping that if your friend has noticed at all that she’s truly deserving of the bff title and understands that any anger and bitterness that you have is part of your grieving over what you have lost and not unhappiness of what she’s been blessed with.  I know for me, people often misunderstood that.  I never wanted anyone to have to go through any of what I have, but I was so so very angry at how unfair it was every time I got left behind, every time I lost another child and all of the dreams I had with it.  

I truly believe that even in the worst of storms there is a silver lining to be found.  Sometimes it’s easy to see and sometimes not.  Sometimes it takes a good long while to become apparent.  I can truly say that had I not had the losses that I had, I wouldn’t be where I am 11 weeks into my 7th pregnancy and finally going strong, and on top of that able to share my wacky unusual experiences with other people to maybe give them some hope.  I’m praying lots of strength your way and hoping that you get your rainbow baby very soon.  *hugs*

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