(Closed) E-mail from FMIL. How to handle this?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, just show up and tell them in person if they say anything about you being there. 

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I’m sorry to hear about your boyfriend 🙁

I would write back and say something like “Thanks for your email. J and I discussed that I would be there before and after as well, so I’ll meet you all there”. And leave it at that. Short and sweet. His mom obviously has some issues, but I am sure this is a very difficult time for her as well. I’m afraid if you just show up and catch them off guard that it could create even more problems/drama.

Good luck!!!

Post # 5
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d just show up and pretend I’d never seen the email.

Post # 6
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The email you thought of is perfect. I’m glad he’s finally sticking up for you. Ignore any replies you get after you send your email.

Post # 7
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Yep, I say just show up and do whatever you were going to do anyway. Act like you never read the email and don’t bring it up unless they do.

Post # 8
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would email them so that they know what to expect as I am sure that this is a stressful time for them too – the email that you drafted is polite and firm which is great. If they give you any trouble, just reiterate politely that you are part of J’s life and you are going to be there for him as that is more important to you than thier approval. Sending you warm thoughts and prayers for you and your Fiance at this time.

Post # 9
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m a big fan of direct communication if you’re going to say something ahead of time, call them on the phone and have a conversation about it.  Just say “I understand how you feel, however, J and I have already discussed this and I’d like to honour his wishes I’m sure you would like to do the same”

Then bring a book or a magazine so you don’t need to make any awkward conversation!

Post # 10
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

I would show up and be like “Oh hey…” and act like you hadn’t seen the email.  The Mom is clearly trying to cut you out of this…. a lot of mothers can be like that.  Since you aren’t engaged yet (right?) she probably doesn’t see your relationship as permanent.  Which sucks but its just how some moms are. 

Good luck with the surgery. 

Post # 11
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I probably just show up and be SUPER SUPER NICE…. kill em with kindness as they say. 

 

Post # 12
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

So sorry you are going through this. I am pretty sure I remember your previous posts about his parents from hell. Did you ever have a talk with him about standing up for you? This crap needs to stop, like yesterday and it is time you put your foot down and make it known that you will not be treated like a second class citizen.

I wouldn’t even acknowledge the e-mail. I would just show up, smile, say hello and leave it at that. You are there for your Boyfriend or Best Friend, not them.

Post # 13
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would show up with a book.  They have no right to exclude you from this situation.

sending good thoughts your way. ..

Post # 14
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LGenz:  this.

Post # 15
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would act like I didn’t see the e-mail and just show up. If he wants you there she has no right to tell you no. If you continue to stand your ground she may back off and realize you’re not going anywhere.

I hope the surgery goes well.

Post # 16
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh, and one other suggestion – be very sweet, not matter what! I don’t mean fake-sweet… but in my experience, the best way to win over someone like that is to ‘kill ’em with kindness.’

I know it’s hard, but the more unreasonable she becomes, the nicer/more understanding/more empathetic you should try to be (while gently but firmly holding your ground where it matters – like being at the hospital). I have found that by consistently behaving this way, you can eventually disarm the other person. In the end, their criticisms start to sound hollow to others, and eventually to themselves.

Good luck, with your SO’s surgery and his mom!

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