(Closed) E-Ring fight with boyfriend

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 91
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper

OP can’t have it both ways, but neither can Fiance. If you don’t want any input, then don’t ask for opinions!

Fiance approached her with questions, but OP’s reaction and attitude were also out of line. She got mad, so he got defensive. She should have just reminded him that he asked and that many jewelers recommend going with stats similar to what she mentioned if one wants best bang for the buck.

There is no right or wrong either way. It’s the communication on both ends that left a lot to be desired.

Post # 92
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If you want to have say and also want a “surprise” – pick out several rings and have him make the final decision. That way you’ll get something you know you will love, but you won’t know exactly which one. This is what I did – I wanted a gemstone ring, but could not decide which one. I chose the setting and my Fiance chose the gemstone – so I kind of knew what my ring was, but not entirely. It didn’t matter that I knew about my ring becuase the proposal was the surprise plus I am so excited to be spending the rest of my life with my best friend. In the end, the fact that I knew about my ring did not diminish or make the proposal any less special.

You are going to wear it for the rest of your life, I really don’t understand those who don’t want to put input into their ring.


  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by arquelle.
Post # 94
337 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
lycheehoney:  I would ask him, just for clarification, if he already bought it and tell him exactly what you told me – that you would be okay with it. Because IF he already bought it, thst could explain why he got as upset as he did when you said you didn’t like it.

Post # 95
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Idk what you are looking to accomplish with this post. You come off very hostile. So you’re mad at your bf, go talk to him. 

Post # 96
10 posts

Maybe you shouldnt get upset and mad right away and just talk to him AGAIN about what you want. He’s a man, therefore, he isn’t perfect. 

Post # 99
272 posts
Helper bee

My fiance completely surprised me with a ring and proposal that I had no say in and I’m so glad I wasn’t involved. Of course I had casually showed him things I liked, didn’t like, etc. but he really did everything himself without input from anyone. I think it makes me like the ring even more, because he thoughtfully chose something he felt I would really love rather than me telling him what to buy and having him just fork over the dough. I completely understand why some people like to be involved in the selection of their ring and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all. But you have to decide if you want to be surprised or you want to be involved in the ring selection. You can’t have it both ways!

If you’re really that concerned about the size of the diamond, you’re losing sight of what’s important. My ring is a 1.1 solitaire and if someone were to offer me a 2 or 3 carat diamond to take its place, I wouldn’t change it. My fiance chose this ring and spent a lot of time, money, and effort picking it and the sentimental value is what is more important to me – not the size of the diamond. Just something to think about.

Post # 100
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
lycheehoney:  Seriously OP – calm down.  You came on the internet to ask opinions, right?  And now you’re getting them.  If you just want people to agree with you, an internet message board is not the right place.  Go talk to your friends.

Post # 101
2691 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
lycheehoney:  I kinda get it. It’s not that size is the end-all and be-all but if he is willing to spend say $5000 for a .50ct D-VVS1 at Cartier when that same $5000 could have purchased a 1.25ct G-SI1 at James Allen, and you’ve already mentioned that you’d PREFER a larger ring…and provided the resources for him to consider purchasing from those sources…yeah, I’d be kinda miffed with him! Those numbers are completely fabricated btw. Some people are totally motivated about brand names – they want a Cartier or Tiffany even if it is the size of a grain of sand. Other have different things they’d prefer in a ring and this poster would rather have a larger non-branded stone than a small designer one. Nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, it’s a wise move IMO. I HATE it when my SO specifically ASKS me something then proceeds to do whatever he wants. It’s a slap in the face to me.

Post # 102
111 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
lycheehoney:  Yikes some of these comments are harsh. Anyways, yea…some guys are just not gifted in the art of gifting including mine lol. I totally had the fantasy of being being caught off guard with my SO revealing my dream ring he prepared on his own. But then i realized that fantasy of mine is everything my SO isn’t haha. I forgot the person he is for a second amidst the excitement of getting engaged. However, although he may not be the best person when it comes to surprises, he is a guy who’d do his best to make me happy and really listens. You’re boyfriend wouldnt be asking you so many questions if he wasn’t interested in getting you your dream ring. Hope you find a happy resolution! Just don’t forget the kind of guy he is and expect him to magically become something else for this one specific occasion. 

Post # 104
1907 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
lycheehoney:  Calling you immature is not acting like they own you. It’s calling it as they see it from your reactions in this thread. Some people honestly don’t care much about their rings, that’s not being a saint. Personally, I was involved in the ring selection process because my husband said he wasn’t comfortable picking my ring on his own. Different strokes for different folks, but the insults aren’t necessary.

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