Post # 1
I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. We are long distance and see each other twice a week. I love him very much and I know he is my soul mate. I dream about marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him. When we are together, I never get a sense of where this is going. When I ask him, he says that he is not ready to make a committment. He is the type of person who wants to live for today. I think he should know what he wants. I have expressed to him that I don’t feel we should be intimate until we have a committment (we have already been intimate) because being intimate for me is something that is very special. He said that he respects that, but really doesn’t open up to me. I wish he would tell me how he really feels about where we are going, or the future he sees with us. Am I being unreasonable? Someone recently told me that I should set a timeline and let him know what my timeline is. I’m not sure that is a good idea. I don’t want to push him away, but I long for a committment from him.
Post # 3
@weightwatchers152: How did you meet? And where are each of you in your lives? (i.e. are you working? in school?)
Has he had serious relationships before?
It sounds like he’s in the “having fun” phase of the relationship and you are looking for something much more than that.
Post # 4
That’s tough. Some guys just aren’t as open about their feelings and he may feel like you are pressuring him. Honestly, I don’t like the idea of timelines, I feel like a lot of times they pressure a guy into proposing before he is ready and when the relationship might not be right for both of you.
You should check out Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan. It really helped me.
Post # 5
Never compromise (intimately) yourself for someone! Stay strong to what you desire for your self and your future.
Post # 6
I’m going to try and make this short haha but no promises :p
So, when me and my (now) Fiance first met we were long distance, saw each other on the weekends. As soon as we got together I knew that I wanted something long term, something that wasn’t just a fling. Anyway, at that time he said that he really liked me but we’d have to see where it went. At first I was pushing marriage on him, I was already in love and knew that I wanted that, but pushing him caused problems. He was scared to committ that much because he’d been hurt in the past, and he couldn’t financially afford an e-ring. So, I just left it alone. We were together a year and then he proposed and I didn’t know it was coming when it did. We had talked about it but I didn’t know when he would ask. I didn’t get a ring till 2 years and I’m still not even on my final ACTUAL ring, I’m getting it soon, before the wedding.
Anyway, so I just stepped back and gave him time. It’s possible that you should make it clear as to what you want, and I would say give him some kind of timeline, but then again you don’t want to push him too much. All men are different and some need more time than others. Some are willing to get married right away, others need years. I’d say if you really love him and you know that he loves you then wait and be patient. I know that its hard, but from past experience with exes, I know that pushing isn’t good. I pushed my last ex, he proposed 8 months into it, then left me without explanation a week later. I was young and really thought that the actual committment of being engaged would keep him with me and it did the complete opposite. So you need to know that if you do love him and care about him, respect what he wants while letting him know what is important to you. I don’t mean to be mean at all or anything like that, that’s just what I’ve learned from past relationships and the one I am in now.
Post # 7
We met online. I just finished Grad school. He works full time and I am looking for work (so I actually don’t have a lot to offer financially). Neither of us have had serious relationships before.
I really like the Three Step Plan. I will give that an honest try.
Post # 8
@agirlwithdreams7: Thank you that’s very helpful. I think I will step back and give him some time. I know he really loves me and he is so good to me. Maybe it will happen when I least expect it.
Post # 9
Not being sexually active while you’re waiting is your decision and if he loves you, he’ll honor it and respect it. That being said, it is difficult to “go back” so to speak, once you’ve already gone there. So be patient if that transition is difficult for him at first.
Also, a year is REALLY not a long time at all, especially if you are long distance. You are still getting to know each other. His internal timeline might be different from yours, and if you two are meant to be, you’ll find a way to compromise.
Enjoy what you have and don’t rush it, or you do risk pushing him away. You’ll hopefully have your WHOOOOOLLLLLLE life to be married.
Post # 10
Also, since you both haven’t had serious relationships this might be what’s holding him back because he’s just not used to it. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with you, but my Fiance hadn’t had anything serious before me so he was just hesitant and scared. So just give him time and things will work out the way they are supposed to. But you know he loves you which is great, if he treats you really well and shows his love, then I gurantee he just needs more time than you do. Guys are less eager to jump into things than us girls, they’re more hesitant to give their hearts like we are.