(Closed) Early gifts–can I use it?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you use an early wedding gift?
    Sure--why not? : (50 votes)
    78 %
    Nope. : (10 votes)
    16 %
    Maybe--I'll explain below : (4 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    According to etiquette, no, you should not use any gifts–wedding or shower–until after the wedding. It’s presumptuous to use them before the wedding as you would need to return them or reimburse the sender if the wedding were cancelled. Of course you think of that as an impossibility, but s*it happens that we cannot always predict. Additionally, these gifts are intended to help you start your married life together, and you should wait for married life to use them.

    Post # 4
    Member
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Honestly… She gave them to you months in advance so I doubt she expects you to store them away until the wedding. I wouldn’t care one bit if someone used a gift early. 

    As to what the PP said, even if the unthinkable happens – you could reimburse her. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I received an early wedding gift, but didn’t think twice about using it! I hope it’s not bad luck. I can understand that its presumptuous, but it didn’t even cross my mind. If you need it, then use it! 

    Post # 7
    Member
    598 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think the giver would expect it to be used….so using it would not be presumptious in my opinion.  Do what you want, but I’d use it

    Post # 8
    Member
    2006 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    People told me not to use my shower gifts until after the wedding but I didn’t completely listen.  I used the appliances (keurig coffee maker and food processor) because I didn’t have one!  I waited on the dishes and bakeware etc because i had some old ones already.  Same with towels.  We put up the shower curtain, but thats because we had only had a completely CLEAR shower liner up till then!  (Thats what happens when your Fiance moves into your new place a week before you do lol).  When I talked to my aunts after the wedding and admitted that I used the gifts, they said that it varies according to relationship because if you thought there was some chance of the wedding being called off it would be really awkward if you already used your gifts.  that thought had never crossed my mind.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @MrsNerdy:  That thought doesn’t cross the minds of most couples who end up calling off a wedding. I mean, why’d you get to the point that you ahd a shower if you thought there’d be a chance of calling it off. It’s not about anticipating calling it off; it’s about the reality that sometimes it happens anyway. I always think of Carrie in SATC the movie boxing all those gifts back up.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2006 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @mrsSonthebeach:  I actually meant that that reasoning never crossed my mind.  Like I didn’t realize that was the reason people shouldn’t use gifts!  I mean yeah I didn’t anticipate the wedding being called off obv but thats not what I meant lol

    Post # 11
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @MrsNerdy:  no worries. In some cultures, it’s considered bad luck, too, like you are risking the wedding and tempting fate by prematurely using the gifts. I’m not superstitious, so I didn’t care about that part, but I am traditional, so I didn’t use any gift until the wedding.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1086 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If you’re absolutely sure nothing will stop the walk down the isle, I say go for it. But the thing is… If you end up not making it down the isle, be ready for the heart break of it being called off and a hole in the pocket for repaying her for the gift. But if it’s a really good friend of yours, chances are she wouldn’t want it back if that were the case, and if she cared about something like that in the midst of the pain of a called off wedding, she’s not much of a friend any hoo…

    I’m very impatient though, my advice on this topic may not be the best lol

    Post # 13
    Member
    3772 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Honestly since it’s from a good friend, even if something does happen.. I’m sure she wouldn’t want them back.

    Post # 14
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Ummm, I guess I was totally unethical…. All of my shower gifts from the first shower… and the one yesterday are washed and put away in my cabinets/ being put to use.  I didn’t even know that this was a rule!!!! 

     FI and I always joke that we may have to sell it all and buy the family Rolexes like Kim Kardashian if we break things off. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Well, in this case, even if the wedding was called off and you would supposed to give it back, it’s not like she could return it as it’s been so long since it’s been bought, so you might as well use it, and worse comes to worse, repay her, though that seems very unlikely.  I haven’t used any of my gifts, though I wouldn’t hestitate to use them before the wedding if I wasn’t moving in a couple of months.  It isn’t worth it to open and unpack all the new nice stuff, just to pack it up again when we move since we have perfectly good stuff that will work until then.

    Post # 16
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    It depends, if you gave a gift would you mind them using it? I don’t think you would so go ahead and enjor it =)

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