(Closed) early in the list planning – family decision rule?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1104 posts
Bumble bee

My mother is one of 9, and my father is one of 7. Most of them are married with 2+ kids. With grandparents and a couple of great-aunts my family alone would have been 60 people, when our venue was limited to 100. It just wasn’t possible to invite them all! I had to make the cut somewhere and I chose the relatives who are most important to my parents – cousins I’ve grown up with, aunts and uncles who have been an important presence in my life. It was really hard but at the end of the day I a) wanted to have my friends there, people who really know us as a couple and b) I didn’t want OUR wedding to feel like MY family reunion. Luckily my parents understood the dilemma and were able to deal with their families when the guest list became obvious. FI’s family is small (about 15 including ALL his cousins) so we invited all of them. It’s not an easy decision so I feel your pain, but I promise it’s possible to come up with a solution, you and Fiance just need to be on the same team (and not share the info with anyone who doesn’t need to know, e.g. grandma!)

Post # 4
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree that his grandma has no business knowing anything–but that mostly applies if she/his family are not financially involved. For our wedding we split the guest list down the middle. I have 1 table of friends and 3 of family. Fiance has 1 table of family and 3 of friends. But thats fine. When I’m asked why I didn’t invite certain family members–even if they are first cousins–I just say, truthfully, that it is a small wedding and I can’t afford to invite more than the people I invited.

Post # 6
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you need to talk to your fiance about setting ground rules. If he invites second cousins, then your second cousins will feel slighted. Maybe there are other areas you can cut, like no work friends, or something along those lines. If you don’t make clear boundaries you wind up either getting strong armed into inviting more guests then you can afford, or all sorts of people will feel slighted. Also once you start letting other people dictate how you’re going to plan your wedding you’ll start to lose controll trying to please everyone, and it turn into something that is no longer representing what you want. It’s not your fault you have a large family! If his grandmother is going to have a problem (if this is really the ONLY reason for him feeling like you need to invite second cousins) maybe you both could sit down with her and explain that you have financial restraints and need to make clear cut boundaries so as to not upset anyone. Honestly if she isn’t paying for the wedding she really has no place making demands anyway. That’s all just my opinion of guest list though!

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