- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
So I’m pretty new here to the Bee, but I love it already!
I’m sure there are other posts on here like this, but here goes. I know that my wedding is still far out, but the guest list is nagging at me, since that will be so much of the cost of the reception, which in DC is really expensive (ok, I know it’s really expensive everywhere).
I’ve got a fairly big family – my mom has 6 siblings and I’ve got 13 first cousins; all but two are adults. My fiance’s family is small – 4 first cousins all under age 16. I don’t want to invite kids to the wedding, but Fiance would like them there/doesn’t care. Our venue is a former bumper car pavilion, so I can see how having kids there would seem logical. The kids rule is more of an issue on my side since I’m 5 years older and more of my friends have/will have infants/toddlers by then. My Maid/Matron of Honor has two young kids, but most likely her brother/niece will babysit. I just want to have fun with adults and not have all my friends leaving early because the kids are tired and/or having to run after them all night. (I’d love to offer babysitting, but like I said, reception = crazy expensive already)
We’ll have his youngest cousins in the wedding party as ring bearer and flower girl – so of course they will be invited, as will their two older sibs.
But then, what do I do about my cousins? I rarely see the cousins who are kids because they are in California. And if I invite them, I feel like I should invite my cousin Darcy’s son, who is about the same age/13 and I see him several times a year. But then my cousin Danielle’s kids, 3 of them, would probably need an invite, although I haven’t seen them in 5 years or so. I guess an easy rule would be just to say “no kids who are not first-cousins of the bride and groom” and just lose one kid I feel a little bad about not inviting.
Also, I’d love to leave out four of my adult cousins, who are a sibling group and I rarely see (they are married so that just increases the guest list more – never met the spouses), but they each invited me to their weddings. I didn’t go to their weddings, because of the travel. I think I know the answer that this one is not negotiable. I have to invite them, they are my first cousins and my Mom would probably hear flack if they weren’t. So that’s my side – First cousin is the limit. 38 people.
My Fiance has already told me that he isn’t willing to stick to a first-cousin rule on his side. He also said that if his grandmother finds out that I’m inviting 40 ppl in my family, she’ll want to invite 40 on his side, which will dip into the second-cousins, great-aunts, etc. And I fear once that happens the floodgates will open and we won’t be able to limit it to just the relatives who Fiance actually knows, because there will be no clear rule.
Am I just freaking out for no reason? Will people I haven’t seen for a while not come to my wedding? Will Fiance be able to keep the gates at a trickle? Should I just allow kids there?
I think I now must sound like a terrible person, for not wanting family there. But there are so many friends I want to invite!!