Early Save the Date for a super cool date?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
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  • Post # 2
    2343 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

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    frankiestein :  Why is that such a cool date? 

    Do you have a lot of friends/family that are engaged to be married and might choose that date? I think that’s quite early to send out an STD, I would probably forget about it or lose it. But, that’s just my thought.

    Post # 3
    9374 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

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    frankiestein :  will people be traveling for the wedding? If so then I’d send them early. We got invited to two out-of-town weddings for the same day a few years ago and we had already booked our travel for the first one by the time we learned about the other. If they are all local it won’t really make a difference – people who are invited to multiple weddings will choose which one to go to when they receive the invitations. 

    Post # 4
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

    18+ months early is insane. I mean, let your VIPs know as soon as you book if you want, but for everyone else it’s overkill. Also, I wouldn’t have realized this is a “cool” date if you hadn’t pointed it out, so presumably most of your guests will feel the same way?

    Post # 5
    5250 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Why would it be such a popular date? 

    Post # 6
    474 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I think that is far too early to send save the dates.  I would spread the work to your VIPs and then wait until closer to the wedding to send them. If a lot of guests are travelling to the wedding then you can send them a bit earlier than usual. Plus people will likely not choose which wedding they will attend until the invitation is received so I don’t really think the calling dibs concept will work. 

    Post # 7
    7994 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Just send it one year ahead. I do think it will be a popular date (I have one friend also getting married that day, and they’ve had it picked out for ~8 months already), but there is no point in sending out STDs 18 months early. You can’t book flights, or hotels, or anything. People literally won’t even have an actual calendar to “save the date” on. 

    Post # 8
    5049 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

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    frankiestein :  Save the dates can get sent out but it doesn’t mean you automatically get first dibs for guests because yours were sent out early. Most people if faced with two events being on the same day will attend the one they wish to irrespective of when a save the date was sent. They use other determing factors to work out which one they attend. For example if I got invited to the wedding of a second cousin and to my best friends wedding on the same day, I’d attend my best friends wedding even if my cousin sent out their STDs before my best friend. I wouldn’t miss my bffs wedding for anything because I love her and our ties are stronger than any I have with my cousin.

    OP, get the word out by mouth about the date and send the STDs in a normal time frame. It won’t make any difference to who will actually attend your wedding. Calling dibs won’t work in influencing the who and the when who attend your wedding. 

    Post # 9
    982 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

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    frankiestein :  frankly when I get something that far from now I will catagorize it as later and really don’t care that much now.

    I just checked my Google calendar and they haven’t added anything to it yet, like holidays. If it’s too early for Google, it’s too early for me.

    To me it’s not really first dib when it comes to invites. What’s so great about 10/10/20?


    Post # 10
    647 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Sending invitations for October 2020 before October 2019 has passed will be confusing. I’m also not sure “10/10/20” will register as a “cool” date when the invitations will read: “the tenth of October, twenty twenty”

    Post # 11
    982 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I’m also confused about why that would be a popular date?

    I wouldn’t send them that early. At most a year in advance, but even that is further in advance than I’d recommend (unless it’s a destination wedding). That early most likely won’t help anything anyway, people aren’t going to keep the STD that long and they’ll just forget about it/lose it.

    I would just spread the date around by word of mouth. In my experience, everyone always asks you if you’ve set a date yet anyway, it’ll get around pretty quickly.

    Also, just because you send out a STD first doesn’t mean people will be more likely to come to your wedding than someone who sends theirs out 8 months before the wedding. In general, people will pick the wedding of the couple they’re closest to, regardless of when someone sent out their STD. You don’t RSVP after a STD, so they can decide anytime before RSVP’s are due that they’d rather go to someone else’s wedding. And again, if you send out STD’s 18 months before the date, and someone else sends their STD 6-8 months before, that person could very well have totally forgotten about your STD by the time the other STD comes around.

    So basically, it’s overkill and wouldn’t do much anyway. And it may be detrimental to your chances of people being able to come to your wedding, anyway.

    Last thing I’ll add is – wouldn’t you just have to worry about someone who is close to you choosing the same date as you? Anyone who knows the date of your wedding, and knows you share a lot of the same guests, would not choose the same date as your wedding. So again, just spread it by word of mouth so if there’s another engaged couple in your friend group or family, they’ll know your wedding date and will avoid that date.

    Post # 12
    14001 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    A save the date is not an invitation and in no way carries the obligation suggested by its name. In fact, traditional etiquette even considers them to be somewhat unseemly in the attempt to compete and unnecessary since people are not likely to know about legitimate conflicts anywhere close to that early. 

    In addition relationships and guest lists can change over that time frame. I wouldn’t even send them a year out, personally. 

    Your immediate family and closest of friends can,of course, be told individually. 

    Post # 13
    1614 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    So I actually agree that 10.10.20 is a cool date and we were planning that date before we got impatient and settled on 10.19.19. 

    That said, I think that if people have two conflicting weddings on the same night that they’ll go with the person they are closer to. I.e sister trumps friend, close friend trumps work friend etc. regardless of which invite comes first. 

    The earliest I’d send it out is nov 2019.

    Post # 14
    4885 posts
    Honey bee

    You said you were at a venue and someone else was booking…does that mean you are still looking at venues and don’t have one yet?  Because you don’t “have a date” until you’ve put a deposit down somewhere to actually hold your party on that date.  Just saying out loud that’s your date does nothing.

    And as you saw in a bunch of posts, it’s clearly not that special if a bunch of people have to have it pointed out to them.  It’s one of those things where I might see it in one of those “cool facts” articles that MSN posts, think “Oh, cool” and then completely forget about it until my super nerdy friend texts me at 10:10 am and 20 seconds on 10/10 just like he did at 8:08 on 08/08/08 and 9:09 on 09/09/09.  It’s not the sort of thing you plan your life around.  The normal timeframes for the vast majority of people will work out just fine.  And save the dates don’t guarantee they pick you, even if your save the date comes first.  If you’re my cousin I see twice a year at Christmas an Easter and my BFF also happens to be getting married or having an event that day, it doesn’t matter how far in advance you told me, I’m still picking my BFF.  Save the dates are mostly a courtesy to take time off work and make travel arrangements if needed and most people can’t do that until the 12 months mark anyway.

    Post # 15
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2021 - Hopetoun House, UK

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    frankiestein :  I’m getting married on the same date as you and planning to send the Save the Dates in October 2019. I agree it would probably be quite popular but you don’t want to put it out too far ahead, it might look a bit extreme!

    I have only decided to send them a year before hand due to having guests coming from Asia, my wedding is held in Scotland so just want to give them as much notice possible. If not I would have sent them around January

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