(Closed) Early Thank Cards for Early Generous Gifts?? What do you think?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I agree with PP’s & would just send a thank you now.  I sent thank you’s for gifts I’ve received in the mail and gifts from people who could not attend my shower.  

Post # 17
Hostess
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’ve been sending my thank you notes as we’ve gotten gifts.  I ordered thank you notes when I ordered our invitations, and am glad I thought to do that (I was just trying to save a little money because our stationer was running a special!).  Our wedding is in 4 weeks, and so far we have gotten some really nice gifts.  I’ve sent a thank you for every one of them – except one that we just got.  

I’d send one for the generous gift – especially if you know the person who gave the gift really cares about thank you notes!

Post # 18
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We sent ours out when gifts arrived.  It’s proper etiquette, but for great reasons that benefit you and the people sending gifts!  Writing thank yous after the wedding will be much more manageable because you’ll have less to do. You’re also avoiding the possibility of awkward situations where people who do not recieve a thank yous soon after sending a gift, might decide to reach out to you to ask if you received their gifts. If you send thank yous before the wedding, you do not have to write a second one after. When we sent ours out, we just thanked the person/people for the gift and said we were excited to see them at the wedding, or if they couldn’t attend that we’re sorry they can’t make it and we’ll miss them.  

Post # 20
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would send out a single Thank You card now for the gift and then after the wedding the thank you card for attending (probably with a mention that you really enjoyed your honeymoon, thanks again).

I think a year is too long for thank you’s (I never heard that though, I always heard you have a year to send a gift, not a year to send a thank you). I would try to do it as soon as possible after receiving it, especially since you know it means a lot to this particular person.

Post # 21
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

vintagekitten:  I would address their gift (whether very generous or not) with any thank you card you have or can buy now, and then after the event send them one of the ones you’re ordering.  In the second card, you can either say “Thank you again for your gift and for coming to our wedding!” That way, they get to see your official thank you suite but also don’t wonder whether you’ve seen their generous gift and are forced to ask you/feel weird about it.  Better to be doubly thanked than to think you’re unappreciated.

Post # 22
Member
9459 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I recieved a thank you card before the wedding for a registry gift I sent before the wedding.  I didn’t think it was strange at all–just meant they were ‘on it’.

Post # 23
Member
13838 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t have a year.  There is no such thing as an early thank you note — just a thank you note.  If you waited a year, you could have a rude, very late thank you note though — and your family and friends would take note (and may actually comment on the oversight behind your back!).

Post # 24
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

The gold standard for thank-you notes, is that they should be sent before you go to bed on the day that you received the gift. In the best case, you already have personalized stationery on hand for writing thank-you notes for birthday and Christmas gifts, or for help moving your stuff home from college, or all the other reasons that polite people write notes.

These are not “early” gifts (unless they are coming before your wedding is actually announced.) Properly, gifts should be sent to the bride’s home prior to the wedding; or to the couple’s home after the couple returns from their honeymoon. It is not proper to bring parcels and packages to a formal event, no matter how common it is. So do not delay in your notes to the people who have sent their gifts properly: they are the very people who are most likely to know what courtesy they are entitled to from you. You do not need to send “official” thank-you notes for people attending the wedding, although of course a little social note can be sent any time you want to send one.

For the more common scenario where people bring their gifts to the wedding breakfast, you obviously cannot be expected to write dozens of thank-you notes on your wedding night. You do not technically “receive” these gifts anyway, until after you come home from your honeymoon; and even then it can take days to open them. The best way to proceed is to open one gift, and then write the thankyou note before you open a second gift, and before you even use the first gift.

But no, do not wait a year. Do not even wait overnight, nor until your photocards come. Always offer your thanks as soon as possible.

Post # 25
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I sent out TY’s as gifts arrived. We also took them out of the box to make sure they worked properly.

For all the gifts/money we were given at the wedding – TY’s were sent out within two weeks. I’ve never waited longer than a month for a Thank You from anyone. We used note cards with Thank You on the front in our wedding colors. For Christimas we sent out a wedding photo card. 

 

Post # 26
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think they should be sent within a month of when you receive gifts before the wedding. After the wedding sooner is best but you do have up to 3 months as per Emily Post yadda yadda…

Post # 28
Member
6768 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I sent cards as the gifts arrived, unless I didn’t actually open the gift.  They were still all open before the wedding and sending out the cards right away will keep you from having a giant pile to deal with later.  Target sells big boxes of thank you cards for under 10 bucks.  I’ve still got plenty left over, actually, having over-anticipated based on my guest list.  As an extra bonus, people who send generous gifts won’t have to spend 2 months wondering whether you got it or not.

Post # 29
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

I sent cards as gifts arrived.  We have a small apartment and any new gifts we receive are usually replacing old things we already have, so if we left all the boxes, we wouldn’t have a living room!

I bought some cute thank you notes at target and have been sending them out as we receive, or at least within the week.  We also tend to call and thank the sender as most of the shower gifts are from close family, we aren’t having a large shower.  We have had some lovely gifts come our way very early and I can’t imagin NOT thanking people asap!

I don’t understand where the “etiquette” of waiting until after the wedding came?  Maybe that implies you opened the gift already?  But most people (at least my age, who are still renting) i know do that merely because of the space issue it presents.

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