Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2014 - Historic Rosemont Manor
Hi Bees, I’m hoping you can shed some advice. My wedding isn’t for another 13 months, but we already have our date, venue (ceremony & reception at the same place) & my dress.
Both my parents & his parents are asking a TON of detail questions about little things that don’t seem terribly important at this very moment. They want specific details about things that we haven’t even begun to plan yet, like the rehearsal dinner (what we’ll serve, where people will stay, etc) and the day of (how will I get to the venue, what time will the ceremony start, how long will it be, what time should my aunts & uncles come in on Saturday, etc). No matter how many times I tell them that I don’t have answers yet & these questions don’t do anything but stress me out, they continue to ask.
The other problem I’m having is I’m getting a lot of pressure from my future mother-in-law to book vendors. My fiance and I work full time, so we haven’t had much time to look at many vendors yet. We just booked our venue 2 weeks ago & as our photographer was the next vendor we were gonna look at, she told us we MUST meet with AT LEAST 4 by the end of August and make a decision.
I guess I have a few questions for you bees – how do I get everyone to stop asking these semi-irrelevant stressful questions and how do I get my mother-in-law to back off? I’ve tried asking nicely and not so nicely, but nothing seems to work.
Post # 3
Welcome to wedding planning!! Since FaceBook is a common way of communication between my family, his family, friends, ect. I finally posted one day something to the effect:
“(something about all this stress and questions and judgements) but I really just don’t care and May 20th is going to be the best day of my life because I will marry my best friend. And I will plan the cake and the chairs but in the end it really doesn’t matter!”
You know what? Alot of them layed off..
Post # 4
You can’t control what they ask, but you can control how you respond.
Stop letting it bother you. Start looking upon their interest as a sign that they care about you.
“You’ll be the first to know when we decide that.”
“Thanks for your concern but we’ve got that covered.”
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2014 - Savannah, GA
I have 15 months until my wedding and every single time I see my future-in-laws the first things they ask are “Have you picked out a dress?” and “What colors are your bridesmaid dresses.” Even if I last saw them two weeks ago. And whenever I say I haven’t and I’m not 100% sure yet, I get comments like “Wow. You haven’t done much yet.” Ummm…pretty sure a venue is a little more important right now. I put hours per day into planning, but I know I’ll change my mind about the dress and colors so I’m waiting a bit longer to decide on those. Augh, so annoying. When you find out how to get it to stop, let me know!
Post # 6
We’re date twins! It’s natural for parents to want to know about the details. Just this weekend, mine asked questions about which hotel blocks to reserve and how to manage guests coming in from out of town. We haven’t even sent out invites so it’s not like we need to deal with this detail right now. What helps is to have a rough timeline in mind the next time they ask questions, like “I want to have my photographer booked by October” or “We’re going to decide on a catering menu in the spring”. That way, they have an idea of what your schedule is like and will hopefully back off. If they keep pushing, just be polite and remind them that it’s your wedding to plan, not theirs.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2014 - Historic Rosemont Manor
Thanks for all the advice – I talked with my MOH (who, thankfully, is my sister and knows my parents just as well as I do) and we’re coming up with a system for the next few weeks of all detail related questions must go through her before coming to me. I can answer big questions (“have you talked to any photographers?”, “when should we start talking to bakers?”) but all the little questions (“when will the photographer arrive day of?” “what flavor cake are you considering & what will the diabetics in the family eat?”) will be filtered for me.
I keep reminding everyone that my wedding is a celebration & not a performance. If at the end of the day, I’m married to my best friend, then all went perfectly. 🙂
Post # 8
@MrsS_to_be: it is a very stressful process!!! just try to remember to keep calm and ask for help when you need it!!!!
I don’t want to alarm you too much, but your FMIL does have a valid point…with a little over a year before the wedding, you should be at least meeting with some potential vendors (you going to need time to shop around I’m assume, as I doubt you will book the first florist, photographer, etc. that you meet with). I don’t know too many specifics about your type of wedding or your location, but you’re going to want to secure your bigger vendors (photographer, dj, limo, florist) soon so they are available for your wedding day. As previously mentioned by another bee, contacting vendors via fb or email is a quick way to touch base. Good luck and stay positive!!