(Closed) Eat the Cost and Attend a Wedding or Call and Cancel?

posted 9 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Would you attend or call and cancel?
    Eat the cost. : (16 votes)
    38 %
    Call immediately and cancel. Send your regrets and a nice gift. : (26 votes)
    62 %
  • Post # 3
    194 posts
    Blushing bee

    So sorry

    Post # 4
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    do you want to go???  if its a good friend and you want to share this day with them, then i vote yes go and enjoy

    if its something you feel you should do out of obligation only then dont go

    yes money can always be spent on other things but if its a good friend then its not a “thing”, its a moment you will have forever


    Post # 5
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    What an awful situation!  I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.  I hope your Future Mother-In-Law is doing well.  When is the ceremony?  How much notice are you giving them?  I think that should factor into your decision–if it’s under two weeks, they’ve already spent the money for you to be there.  If you’re before the RSVP deadline still, I think it’s perfectly fine to call and send your regrets and explain what’s going on.  Good luck!

    Post # 6
    3098 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Wow, that’s a really tight deadline they gave you! Honestly, given the circumstances with money, your FI’s mom, etc… I’d regretfully decline and send a gift. It would still be disappointing for both you and your friend, but they had to know that by giving such short notice, that a lot of people wouldn’t be able to come.

    Post # 7
    646 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Since you’ve already RSVP’d yes, and the RSVP deadline has passed, I think you should go.  They’ve probably already accounted for you being there.  I’d hate to disappoint a good friend and miss their wedding!

    Post # 8
    2249 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    shop around- there are good last minute deals on allegiant air, jet blue, you never know. and clear your cache,i heard they put cookies in computers so the flights go up in price!

    Post # 9
    948 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    Try http://www.kayak.com as mentioned in a few other boards around here.  Think about how you would feel if it was your wedding and weigh that with your relationship with your friend.  I personally love weddings, and would take any excuse to get outta town for a get away.  You never know what ideas you will get for your own. 

    Post # 10
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee

    This may not be a well thought thru response.  I am only making this suggestion because you say she is a good friend.  Is there anyway you can call and let her know about your situation.  I know that a lot of caterers will let you bump up a number if need be (but not bump down).  Explain that you are looking to see if fares will fall and would like a couple more days or a week to see if finances can come together.  

    PS, today there was a major fare sale announcement on many airlines.  Maybe recheck if you checked earlier today.

    Post # 11
    337 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    There’s nothing wrong with sending regrets and a lovely gift.  Whatever they might lose from paying for two dinners ($200, max, probably) is a lot less than this unexpected financial burden you’d be taking on.  If that bothers you, send a larger check than you would normally. 

    Times are very, very hard for a lot of people and travel to people’s weddings is ridiculously expensive a lot of the time.  People understand this.  Though it’s regretful, I know that some of my favorite people will not be able to be there on the actual day, but that doesn’t make me feel that they love me any less.  Write them a letter about how much they mean to you, your best wishes for their future, etc, and enclose it with the card and check.  They will know you’d be there if you could.

    Post # 12
    2249 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    also do you know lots of other people going to the wedding? could you go solo and save the cost of your fi’s ticket?

    Post # 13
    1756 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    This might make me a freak, but I’ve never been invited to a wedding and failed to attend. Last summer, my fiance and I went to six weddings in five different states, and while it was financially quite draining, it was worth it. My rationale is that any person to whom I’m close enough that they invite me to their (hopefully) once in a lifetime celebration is someone whose moment I want to share. If you’re genuinely close to this person, I think you should at least try to find a way to be there. I like vistagirl‘s suggestion, especially if you could manage to also split the rental car/cab fare and a hotel room. And definitely recheck the various travel sites. One of my friends has had really good luck with using priceline and booking two one-way tickets, rather than one round-trip.

    Post # 14
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Check out Travelzoo.com for special fares and perhaps look into the godawful flights (red-eye, super early in the morning) as they tend to be cheaper.  If you go, you will have wonderful memories with your good friend.  If you don’t go, I think your friend would understand.

    Post # 15
    435 posts
    Helper bee

    I think if you can afford it you should go. You ‘ll probably have a great time and get to reconnect with old friends.

    Post # 16
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Thats a tough situation. For me it would depend on how close the friend was. If it was one of my best friends I would still go. Otherwise I dont think its horrible to send a nice gift and your regrets. It isnt the best ettiquette to RSVP and then cancel, but at the same time things happen. This is especially hard since youre saving for your own wedding.

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