- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
So, I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. To start with, I am looking for the best of the Bees. Most of the people I know are liberal, and I really am seeking to understand the other side. The side that believes, I think, that I should die rather than to resolve a pregnancy that won’t continue to stay viable, but right now is.
I found out yesterday that there is a highly significant chance that my pregnancy is ectopic. Not in the fallopian tube, but attached to the outside of the uterus. Or attached on the inside, but partially protruding through to the outside of the uterus. One Dr thought that there might be TWO embryos, one inside and one outside. They’ll know more in the next week.
My Dr is doing a repeat HCG on Sunday, followed by an US on Monday morning. She did say that she would do nothing until she confirmed placement, which given that I am only 5w5d may take another week or two. And also that there is a very small chance everything would be ok, but she wasn’t optimistic at all.
However, by 8 weeks I am at risk for uterine rupture.
If my HGC is 5000 or under I would be a candidate for Methotrexate, which is basically low dose chemotherapy. If my HGC is over 5000 Methotrexate is not an option and I would require surgery. In either case, it would end the pregnancy.
So, back to the shower this morning. I realized that I now sit squarely in the middle of the “in order to save the life of the mother” debate.
Under the stance of no abortion EVER, under any case, even to save the life of the mother……. If I use Methotrexate, isn’t that technically an “abortion”? Meaning that at this very moment there is an embryo and all the ‘parts’ and right now it’s still growing and progressing, just like it would if it were in-utero.
If I do nothing, my uterus will eventually rupture. At that point the baby would be die…. But potentially so would I. Plus, at that point I would require major surgery and I would probably lose my uterus. There have been like 4 or 5 cases in the history of the world where a uterine-ectopic pregnancy resolved back into the uterus and went on to be a viable pregnancy. Is that enough of a chance that I should be waiting and hoping for that? From an anti-abortion stance, is the “right thing to do” to wait and see what happens? Risk uterine rupture and hope and pray that, against all odds, it resolves itself, because abortion, for any reason, is murder? Even if there are only 4 or 5 cases ever reported?
I think when I thought about it that way….. that this would be a case where to save my life, I have to end this pregnancy…. It became a very personal to me… in a way that it hasn’t before, because I’ve never really been faced with this type of situation before.