(Closed) educate an ignorant person please…

posted 7 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

In the situation, I think they would make their own definition of what type of couple they are. That’s personal and intimate and something for them to decide based on their own sexualities and feelings. So pretty sure no-one can give you an answer to this one, except the couple themselves as it is about how people self-identify.

Post # 4
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know a couple in a similar situation. They’ve been dating for some 6 years, I think? A long time though. One decided to go through with a sex change, and her girlfriend was extremely supportive. The girlfriend still considers herself lesbian, but they’ve been together so long (through high school in a small town, so they’ve been through a lot too), that they just support each other no matter what. As @VickyAurea:, I’m not sure that they consider themselves any specific type of couple- just a couple in love.

Post # 5
Bee
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

I’m not sure if you know, or if you really keep track of the blog at all, but Miss Ferris Wheel actually has blogged about this subject. Mr. FW is a man who made the sex change from being a women. Here are the posts she talks about this:

http://www.weddingbee.com/2011/05/10/putting-it-out-there/

http://www.weddingbee.com/2011/05/24/a-little-more-information/

I never have personally dealt with this, so I’m not exactly sure what to say, but maybe Miss FW’s post will give you some answers?

Post # 6
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Every couple is different. They may refer to themselves as a “queer” couple, which is sometimes used by the LGBT community as shorthand for anything other than straight/cisgender, basically. Even if they consider themselves to be in a heterosexual relationship after her/his transition, the other woman would still be at least bisexual given that they were originally a lesbian couple.

But it doesn’t really matter. Labels are silly. 

 

As a sidenote, this article is poorly written and useless. It’s villifying the lesbian couple but gives us absolutely no information. For all we know the boy wanted to dress up like a girl. My brother did it when he was little all the time and he’s not even gay let alone transgender. I have the feeling they’re getting intense pressure due more to their sexuality than the actual circumstances.

Post # 7
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

The story itself sounds like a sensationalist story to turn people against lesbian couples more than a serious news story.

That being said, one of the sources of confusion is the term “lesbian.”  Often, people will refer to two women who are married or domestic partners as a lesbian couple.  However, the women in such a relationship may or may not be lesbians.  NotFroofy and I, for example, are both bisexual, in the sense that both of us are attracted to both men and women.  However, since we are both female, married to each other, and monogamous, we don’t correct people who refer to ours as a lesbian marriage.

If NotFroofy were to decide for some reason to change her gender, we would undoubtedly stay married.  After all, I have loved her from the beginning for herself, not for her gender.  So am I currently in a lesbian relationship?  Would I still be in one if NotFroofy changed her gender?  Honestly, there are no clear answers, because the whole terminology is muddled.

Of course, in my mind, we could eliminate all the confusion by just referring to people as being in a marriage, instead of in a straight marriage or gay marriage or lesbian marriage.  My relationship with NotFroofy is in no way fundamentally different from my relationship with my ex-husband when I was married to him.

Post # 8
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

It’s up to the couple to decide how (and if) they want to lable themselves. Though if one is identifying as a man and one as a woman, I’d say they’d be queer or heterosexual.

Post # 9
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think what @photogestelle said. If I were in a social situation, my first inclination would be to refer to them the same way as I would a heterosexual couple, (eg. “Mr. and Mrs.” or “the bride and the groom”) unless I knew the couple preferred something different.

I wish I knew a non-weird way of broaching the topic. Somehow, “Hi! So I see you’re not a heteronormative individual/couple. Would you mind taking a few moments to tell me how you self-identify so we can all avoid some awkward and uncomfortable moments? Great! Would you like some pie?” seems even more socially awkward.

It’s also not a static definition. I know someone that went from identifying as a heterosexual woman to bisexual to lesbian to straight man (considering reassignment surgery) to gay man, and now she’s a woman in a heterosexual marriage, had a child, and seems very happy. So sometimes it’s a journey, and just because she ended up back where she started doesn’t mean those identities weren’t all valid.

Post # 10
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

@2dBride: This is a really good explanation, and how I feel about my relationship.

@Elvis: I find human sexuality and gender identity really interesting. I have a really good friend who considers herself a lesbian, but fell in love with (and married) a man. They have an open relationship (she can be with women) and have a baby on the way. I think people define for themselves how they feel in their relationships, and it can change over time. It’s just another facet to the relationship.

Post # 11
Member
5179 posts
Bee Keeper

I didn’t read the article.. but if 1 girl.. is actually a guy trapped in a girl’s body.. then that person would be considered a straight male .. the other one trying to get preggers will now be BI because she is attracted to females but has a male partner lol

Post # 12
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@2dBride: I love your explanation, and it reminds me of this (which was previously posted on these boards)

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