Post # 1
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
I think I need some support from some great ladies.
First, I am NOT expecting and my DH and I aren`t even TTC right now. We hope to start in September. I have been accepted into a graduate studies program which starts in September and runs for a year and a half. Another FYI – I work 37 hours a week (the graduate studies is so that I can pursue another career) and must keep that job for the time being.
When I tell people – close friends, some family – about this education plan, the are VERY critical, saying that I am putting too much stress on myself and trying to plan something that I cannot plan. My whole point is that I feel like it might take me a year to get preggers so why would I put off schooling when I could get it done nowÉ
Education minded Bees (or career bees, whomever!) – did you feel that people were very critical about you wanting to do somethingÉ
PS – I have always said that I would NEVER jeopardize the health of my baby or the health of my marriage, if schooling was getting in the way of either of those things, I would cease my education immediately.
Post # 3
Member
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper
well i was hoping to be done with my PhD before i even tried to get pregnant. but it didn’t work out that way. What’s funny is because i am pushing 32 and won’t graduate before my 32nd bday, i have gotten plenty of judgement in the past for not having kids sooner. “you know it’s risky to have kids at an older age” “do you even want to have kids?” “when do you plan to have kids?” so that’s what i was dealing with until i got pregnant.
the funny part is now that i AM pregnant and not done school, i have been getting “how are you going to finish school and have a baby?” “didn’t you think you should have had a house before you had kids?” Another friend asked me a sequence of questions recently that had a clear message behind them. It went something like this:
her: what are you going to do about you’re PhD now that you’re pregnant?
me: i’m hoping to finish this summer
her: and you are also working?
me: yes, we need money now more than over
pause
her: hmm, you sure have a lot on your plate
me: yes, i’m well aware (in my head i wanted to say “do you have a point? or are you just subliminally stating that this is not how you would have gone about things?!”)
so i think this is just another ‘thing’ that you can’t win! so be it!
Post # 4
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
@dynamic_duo: Oh, wow…do we have the same friend or what!
Thank you for your response and I am rooting for you, your baby AND your studies!
Post # 5
Member
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper
@med700: thanks! right back at ya 🙂 whenever you have a baby of course!
Post # 6
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
@dynamic_duo: Ha ha yes! I love how people think I
m going to get prenant the second we start TTC. I actually had to remind my friend that most people in their 30s do not get preggers in the first cycle! Jeesh!
Post # 7
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
i wouldn’t put it off, especially if you want to start TTC soon. why wait until after kids? do what’s best for you and your family!
Post # 8
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
i am in the midst of getting ready to go back to school for a career change too. i plan to start in fall 2013 (and still work full time), after my wedding and finish by winter 2015, and i am thinking if all goes as planned, we will start trying in fall 2014, so i may get pregnant right away, but i wont be super knocked up. i have gotten some skepticism from my Future Mother-In-Law and my grandmother on this plan, but the way i see it, this career change will enable me to be a better mother (more flexibility and better pay) and i would like to have kids as young as i feasibly can to decrease issues so i know it’s the right choice for us!
Post # 9
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
When I spoke with the associate director of the grad program I want to get into, she said she’s had girls have babies right before starting, right in the middle of the program, and right before graduation. She told me, of course being pregnant and having a baby makes school infinitely more difficult, but if you have the chops and the drive, you can juggle it all.
Education is so important, I would suggest waiting. It’s 1.5 years, right? There’s no rush to get pregnant now and make life all the more difficult. Yes, it’s possible.. but you have to have a great support system, and the will and motivation to handle EVERYTHING. Also, she said that most of the girls in the program don’t even work because it’s accelerated full-time. I don’t know if your program is full time (8am-5pm monday through friday for mine), but I honestly think it will be extremely difficult and emotionally taxing to work 37 hours a week PLUS full time grad school PLUS a baby PLUS trying to keep your marriage alive. If you have the option of waiting (ie not pregnant YET), I would strongly suggest just waiting before adding that ball to the juggling act.
Even being pregnant can be difficult while going to school- by the time you’re 7/8 months along, your whole body can be in meltdown mode (unless you’re one of those lucky preggers who can just keep chuggin’ along until the day they give birth and then keep chuggin’ along right after!). Also, you may develop health complications as well early on or in the middle of the pregnancy, so you may not even be able to continue attending school if that happens. I’m not saying you could get health problems because of your age, I’m saying because of the pregnancy itself. I’ve known 18 year olds who were pregnant and developed all kinds of complications (incompetent cervix, endometriosis, etc.) and had to be put on bedrest for the ENTIRE pregnancy. No attending school there.
I hear what you are saying when you say that it might take a year to get pregnant, but really it only takes one little sperm to get you pregnant. If you’re trying in September at the same time grad school starts, luck would have it that you’d get pregnant right away. Why not wait until grad school’s almost over to start trying? At least a couple months pregnant right before you graduate should be safe 🙂
Good luck, whatever you decide!! 🙂 Can I ask what program your grad school is in? I’m nosy about education lol
Post # 10
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
@BirdofaFeather: and
@bostongirl27: Thanks! I guess this comes with the wedding and pregnancy territory – your body and life no longer belong to you and you are open to criticism from anyone and everyone….
Post # 11
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
@Omgbunnies: I certainly see your point, I think education is incredibly important but the health of a baby would be paramount. The program isn`t as intensive as a M-F job per se (three, two hour courses a week plus studying) and since I live in Canada, my mat leave would be for 12 months (plus I do have a few months of vacation and leave saved). The program is a MA in Political Science (I am also VERY nosy about education, lol) and I do have a great support system.
I think your post really does touch upon my worries regarding this situation, which is why I am posting about it.
(I am 31 now so I really do feel like I need to start a-baby-ing)
Post # 12
Member
1433 posts
Bumble bee
@med700: well I was working on my masters while TTC….And I knew very well that if I did conceive I would have to quit when the baby was born and resume my studies afterwards. If that’s your plan: go for it! But it took me 8 months to get pregnant and I finished by the time I was 3 months along so I finished my degree (I had 6 months under my belt before TTC anyways). I’d TOTALLY keep the job though. You’ll need the isnurance and the money and pregnant women work ALL THE TIME.
Post # 13
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
I got my bachelors before getting married the first time. We waited to buy the house and then waited longer to TTC. I tried for years. I finally decided to work on my masters while he was deployed. I continued to work FT as well.
When he came back from (Reserves) deployment, he was out of work for a while and we started fertility treatments. I was still in school FT and working FT….plus we had other life changing events during the next several months.
One of my proudest moments was completing my degree with no time off at all. I never did get pregnant and we divorced…not b/c of school. My advice is go for it. You do NOT know how long it will take you to get pregnant.
It was NOT easy. I had a lot of people say I was taking on too much by starting the program while he was gone. It was hard when he came back and wanted to spend time with me and I literally had no free time back then b/c of school. I always say “My bachelors was for my parents and my masters was for me.”
Post # 14
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
I will (hopefully) be one semester into a 3-year Master’s degree when I get pregnant this fall (crossing fingers). I have heard from some family members that I should get the Master’s out of the way, etc etc, but honestly, I don’t really give a %*#. :p I currently work full-time and will continue to do so after I have the baby and during my schooling, but my classes will be entirely online, so I don’t forsee huge problems. I say GO FOR IT. We women can do anything we put our minds to. It’s interesting that I came upon this thread today, because I had a similar conversation with my husband last night, expressing my fears that I won’t be able to “do it all,” and worrying that people will think I am a neglectful mother, or whatever. Luckily, I am blessed with an exceptionally supportive spouse who will move mountains to help me reach my goals, so as for the critics, I’m just not gonna listen 🙂
Post # 15
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
I don’t think you’re crazy. I am in a graduate program now, and several of my classmates are pregnant! I think their thinking is that it’s better to have babies now while in school rather than after they graduate and begin a brand new career! Also, our program has AWESOME professors who are willing to work with you and genuinely WANT you to do well. I think the culture of the university has a lot to do with it.
How many hours will you be taking? I work full time and am taking 6 hours. I am not expecting, but honestly think I could handle it all with relatively low-stress even if I was. Is your job demanding? That probably is an important factor as well.
With all that said, I think it’s certainly do-able depending on your job flexibility and program intensity! 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 16
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
@med700: Oh! Sorry, I saw where you posted above how many classes would be. Ignore my PP. 🙂 On another note… 12 months maternity leave. Gosh I am moving to Canada to have babies! So much better than the 6 weeks unpaid maternity leave at my office! Haha.