(Closed) Education Gap between you and your SO?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I may have beat everyone!

I have 3 masters plus one more on the way in various fields (literature, special education, jewish studies, finishing one in administration right now)…and my Fiance is a mechanic with a GED.

We get along great because we both are sci-fi nerds, both have a love for science, bth love fishing, both love lying low, both love pets,  both agree on the future education of our children, etc.

Its only a problem when we hang out with my extended family and some friends because they are, on occasions, snobs and like to feel their own self-importance.

Post # 33
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it really depends on the person. I have a degree from Penn State. Not Ivy League, but a pretty well-respected school. Before Fiance, I dated two people without degrees. One was just not intelligent at all, and it was clear. But the other guy, you’d be surprised that he doesn’t have a degree because he was so smart. 

My Fiance, though, has a bachelor’s degree from a state university. It took him a long time to get it because he wasn’t motivated, but he’s now getting an MBA. I’m really happy we’re on par education-wise (and soon he’ll have a higher degree than me!) because it makes me feel like we’re more stable. Plus it doesn’t hurt that it was really important to my parents that whomever I marry was well-educated.

Post # 34
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My Fiance and I are well matched (MD / JD-in-two-more-years). 

But, my mother has a B.S. and my father just has his high school degree.  They are, at least, intellectually well matched, since I’m pretty sure my dad is the quicker learner.  They’ve been married for 25+ years.

As long as two people are intellectually well matched, and nerdiness-matched, it doesn’t matter too much what the degrees say.  It would drive me nuts to talk to him, though, if I couldn’t discuss abstract things or bounce ideas off my Fiance.

Post # 35
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve got an MPH and am on the way to getting a doctorate, Fiance is just belatedly finishing up his undergrad. It’s not a problem at all, because Fiance is a) one of those awesome students that love learning that Mr. Bee described b) he’s a good deal more intelligent than most of the people I’ve met in my pretty snooty academic career, he just didn’t end up finishing school for personal reasons, so while there is an education gap it never feels as though there is an intelligence gap and c) he’s ridiculously supportive of me and cheers me on at every turn so it never feels like a big threatening gender issue or something. When I was much younger and we were first starting out I worried what people would think and had a sort of skewed perception of him, I am embarrassed to admit, but that changed and it’s never really been an issue between us. I’m actually very glad for it in a lot of ways because it made me change my own sizeable bias about what I thought was “uneducated” and made me snap out of that snobbery. I have had to lay a smackdown on a couple of jerkfaces that we’ve met at snooty academic parties however who’ve looked down their noses at him because they’re insecure snobs but I’m ok with that, I like laying smackdowns ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 36
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have a MEd and am working on an MBA while Fiance is struggling to finish his BA. 

School is just not his thing.  He works in a skilled trade (he’s a chef) and got all his practical experience in the field so all the degree is for is to give him some umph for when he’s looking for manegerial positions.  He doesn’t even want to finish but his family is pressuring him and he also told me that he wanted to “at least have a college degree” so that my family (or others) didn’t look down on him.

Regardless of whether or not he finishes school, gets a Masters, etc he’s extremely intelligent (ex: missed a perfect on the SAT by like 50 points).  We have stimulating, intellegent conversations on a regular basis, something we both need in a relationship.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not just the education level, there is more that goes into it. 

Post # 37
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Fiance and are definetly total opposites. I have have a bachelors as a double major in psychology and am going back to school to obtain my master and my Fiance is an electrician. I am very polished and a little book smart and he is the complete opposite of that. But it works out for us. He keeps me grounded and I make him step up his game. I do all of the paperwork and communications for his business and his business makes more money than I ever will so it’s a trade off.

Post # 38
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

on paper we are pretty aligned, we both have our typical bach’s (mine in liberal arts, his is bus. admin).. and he is in a 2 year mba program and i’m in a 3 year jd program.

we differ on the fact that i absolutely LOVE school, while FI’s motivations are completely around furthering his career. if it weren’t for the necessity he wouldn’t open another textbook EVER. ๐Ÿ˜› i’ve always been a book/school nerd and if i could get paid to go to school i would… ๐Ÿ™‚

it really does depend on the person, i don’t necessarily think that education/intelligence are attached at the hips… (although they are loosely correlated)… even tho Fiance is not a school person, he is intelligent and has other facets besides books in which he makes me learn from him everyday and visa versa ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 39
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

I have my Masters and 2 Bachelor’s, and my Fiance has a high school diploma. However, it isn’t an issue for us…he has an extremely hard work ethic and is very successful at what he does.

Post # 40
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have a PhD and he went to tech school (mechanic). I might have far more education, but we’re more closely matched in terms of intelligence and aspirations/drive. Education is often used as a proxy for those, but I think its those underlying characteristics that matter much more.

Post # 41
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My fiancé has his PhD, and I have my B.A. and a few years of post-bacc/law school.

We have different academic interests, so we have different areas of strength and knowledge. I think though, overall, intellectually we’re pretty well matched. I wouldn’t/couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t, and neither could fiancé.

Post # 42
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My situation is almost identical to PhatKat’s – I have a JD from a great school and he has a handful of college credits, yet makes more than i do and (i think) is way smarter than i am!  And if you’d asked me before we met, i’d have told you i’d never have dated someone who didn’t graduate college. Because I was closed-minded.  But I can’t believe what I’d have missed out on had I not given him the chance just because he didn’t have some fancy piece of paper hanging on his wall!

(Don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying education isn’t important, it DEFINITELY is.  But sometimes there’s a distinct difference between level of intelligence/intellectual curiosity and academia.  My bf is a good example of that).

Post # 43
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Fiance and I have a pretty big education gap but it’s never been an issue for us. I just got my Au.D. (clinical doctorate of audiology) and he literally went to community college for all of a semester. He’s not unintelligent and truth be told, he has tons more practical knowledge and common sense than I do. We still have plenty to talk about and he makes an effort to understand what I do (though to be honest no one other than my grad school friends understands my profession).

Post # 44
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We are academically mismatched.  I’m an attorney and Fiance has a high school diploma.  He never considered college.  I couldn’t imagine NOT going.

However, he owns his own business and is far more financially successful than I am (and without the law school debt).  We are probably fairly evenly matched intellectually, but have strengths in different areas.  Our emotion,s values, and goals are extremely similar.  I love how we compliment each other and wouldn’t want it any other way.

Post # 45
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My Fiance and I have very different educational backgrounds, and I really think it helps sometimes, as we both perceive conflict in very different ways.  I have a bachelors degree in International relations, and a bachelors degree in Social Work, spending 6 years in university to get them both.  I now work as a Child protection worker, and make good money.  FI on the other hand went to college and got a diploma in film and photography… and works full time at the Toyota factory, and part time as a photographer… and he makes WAYYYY more money than I do.  It’s a nice balance though, just because someone has a *better* education, doesnt mean they are smarter in any way!  It add depth to the relationship in my opinion!  If we were both exactly the same I think I might go crazy!

Post # 46
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have my B.A and my Fiance didn’t complete his undergrad. That being said, he’s a leader in his field, making great money, whereas I am unemployed and am struggling to find work. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem fair!(But I am way proud of him!)

 

I have to add, also, just how surprised everyone is to find out he didn’t go to school because it just not anything anyone even doubted. He’s in a pretty competitive field (engineering) where most people who are under 30 have a degree— he’s also leed a.p certified and has his plumbing accreditation & is working toward an accreditation for sheet metal.  Its really remarkable what he;s been able to do, given that he doesn’t have a degree. Hard work for sure!

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