(Closed) Educational differences

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

To me education doen’t matter. If the two of you are happy with one another and can accept and LOVE one another than who cares about education? Not I- If we are in Love with one another what should it matter. I will Love my husband no less or no more if he graduates from an Ivy League School. Its not important to me. Now, where he is saved and filled with the Holy Ghost. Thats a different story-!

Post # 47
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I just realized I wrote “I got my MBA before I was 21”. That’s a typo, I wasn’t that much of a kid genious, lol. I meant before I turned 23.

Post # 48
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

It matters to me that SO has at least a BS degree. I’ve been raised to believe education is important. In fact, I actually don’t know anyone without at least a BS/BA. It’s just too important in my family. In HS, my friends and I were always asked *where* we’d go to college, not *if.* In college, we were asked where we’d go to grad school, not if. I’ll have my PhD next year at 26, I don’t want our difference to be THAT big. It doesn’t matter if SO didn’t earn much but he needs to have a degree in something he loves and is useful.

Post # 49
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@JoeBeth12: Oy! I studied International Relations too! (Though I did drop out shortly after.) Embarassed I had already acquired a degree in I.T. before that so I just rolled with it. What are you doing? Your field sounds so cool!

Post # 50
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@pinkhorse: I think you are me in a parallel universe! Though my Fiance and I did not go to the same college. We did attend computer institutes at the around the same times. Everything else you said it pretty much down to the ‘T’ with us too! (Instead of WOW, he plays Assassin’s Creed.)

And I try my very best NOT to talk about work at all when I leave work. To tell you the truth, even though I understand his work-speak, I much rather not hear it! It makes me think about work.

So education level wouldn’t have a huge effect. 2 of my ex’s did not attend college after H.S. One went on to become a millionaire. (He studied by himself a lot. Mostly computer stuff) and a drive to strive. The other is a store manager at a retail chain. So two VERY different outcomes of the same result. Education doesn’t make a huge difference after all. Just the way you treat every situation.

Post # 51
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have two masters degrees, FH has a bachelors. To me, the difference in education levels is not as important as being compatible intellectually.  I think that it is just as important to be intellectually compatible as it is sexually and emotionally.  Personally, I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with someone with whom I wasn’t able to have the kind of conversations that we have, about philosophy and science, etc.  I think in many cases there is a correlation between intelligence and education, but not always. 

Post # 52
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My fiance has a HS diploma; he attended college for a couple semesters, then stopped because he wanted to work full-time and save money. He has now been at the same job for over 8 years, and has worked his way up to finance manager. So although he doesn’t have a college degree, he is extremely hard working and smart, and not lazy by any means.

It’s really not the degree that matters to me- it’s their work ethic and drive. I couldn’t be with someone who is lazy and has no goals in life.

I have taken many different college classes when I was deciding what to do with my life. I’m now halfway through a nursing program (LPN) and will be going for my RN after. I eventually want to be a Psychiatric NP (Nurse practitioner)

Post # 53
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

sigh.  my hubby and I are not compatible intellectually, I’m afraid, or socio-economically compatible (did I just make that up)? and i am concerned that this is becoming more and more pronounced in the quiet/privacy of our home life together.  It seems as long as I’m willing to… now I hope no one gets bent outa shape about this… dumb-down in the household and enjoy stupid tv with him and just generally relax and keep things fairly light, we’re fine, more than fine.  But talking about science or philosophy with him? Not a chance! I try talking about headier stuff, but then I just feel like I’m a professor giving a lecture and it really isn’t fun at all.  I try talking about deeper stuff (more psychologically rooted)  — correction, I don’t try — I do, and I know I come on real strong and appear to be probing more than he’s comfortable with sharing.  so i have been growing more concerned, truth be told. 

On the positive side, and I may be repeating myself from an earlier response here, this is one great man – a gentleman and a gentle man, of character and values, good natured, affectionate, sensitive and (oddly or maybe not?) truly dominant in the bedroom (though decidedly not in the boardroom)!  Made myself chuckle! So, just to say…

Post # 54
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@JoeBeth12 I sometimes feel the same as you do. It is completely fine sometimes, but then there are times that it is a bit more obvious.

I am about half way through my Master’s and SO has a Highschool Diploma. For me, I think our educational backgrounds make it a little harder sometimes. SO is very smart (more so than I) in many areas. He hated school since he can remember, and never wanted to go to college. None of his parents or grandparents went to college, and I think one of his cousins is the first in their family to attend. My grandfather went to college along with both of my parents. I really never had the option of “what should I do after high school.” It was just expected that I would go to college.

I think I worry most about how our children would look at it. I would expect my childrent to go to college whereas I think SO would be okay with them not. 🙁 This may be a big problem in the future.

Post # 55
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@smb4268 — thanks for sharing that.  As for your (future) children, I’ve been raising my daughter (without new hubs) and there was no question about her education (her biological father’s education was off the charts great).  But if I did have kids with my new husband, there would also be no question about them having a very solid education and a high-level one.  Just as I feel in relationships we gotta go at the pace of the slower-deciding partner, once committed, decisions like those about education defer to the more ‘advanced’ partner.  I feel very strongly about that.  A spouse with only a HS diploma may be okay either way, but if his or her partner is not, well it seems to me then the partner with greater (good) experience in that field gets to be adamant that that’s better for their kids and education wins out.  As another example, and maybe Too Much Information, but my present husband is frightfully opposed to counseling or therapy of any kind, but when my ex and I were divorcing and I saw how difficult that was for our little girl, you better believe I brought her right in to a highly skilled child psychiatrist for help (with whom she’s had a really good and revolving door relationship as needed, since).  If my current spouse opposed that, sorry, but he’d lose that battle too.  I don’t mean to come off as so headstrong here but if one partner just knows more about certain things or has more experience in a certain area — especially when it comes to the children — then these things have to be put to good use! The kids shouldn’t be compromised or marginalized because one spouse is okay with that.

Post # 56
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

For me, intellectual compatibility is a big part of why relationships work.  I don’t think it’s just about having the same education level, but it does matter in some way.  Having similar levels of educational attainment I think gives people a good starting point for having shared life experiences (i.e. fond high school memories, college years, stress of grad school, etc.) However, I think it boils down to having the same priorities, sharing similar interests, and appreciating each other’s skills and abilities.  For instance, my fiance and I were raised to believe a solid education is important.  It’s something we know we’ll try to instill in our future children.  I dated other people in the past who didn’t think education was a priority and those relationships didn’t work.  I think a PP said it best — it’s about respecting your partner’s work ethic and drive.  I respect that my fiance has the drive to accomplish his goals, and that he has worked hard to achieve them.

My fiance and I both have JDs and work in pretty similar fields.  I find it comforting that when we vent about work we understand where the other person is coming from.  I also like that he laughs at my lame lawyer jokes, and that he gets my obscure references to literature while at the same time can appreciate Dave Chappelle and the Jersey Shore.  So, it’s not just similar education levels; it’s mostly about having some common interests.

Post # 57
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

BF and I are both in graduate school, but he is much more intelligent than I am. One of the things that attracted me to him is that he is so modest despite truly being the most brilliant person who I have ever met.

Post # 58
Member
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have a Bachelors, Fiance doesn’t.  He went to a fancy pants engineering university for a couple years but didn’t graduate.  This doesn’t come into play AT ALL in our relationship.  We both have our strengths and weaknesses in all kinds of categories, but I’ve never noticed any kind of differences that him having a degree would affect. 

He was blue collar while I was white collar, and he’s now white collar (and I’m blue/self employed!).  Sometimes he needs my help with Excel or how to write a corporate-style email, but other than that we’re good to go!  The man is so freaking sharp, it’s just awesome… and he can fix/make ANYTHING.  I’m useless when it comes to that.

Post # 59
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I like knowing I can talk to my husband and not picture a BRICK WALL when I am talking.  I hate trying to to talk to stupid people that have not even simple common sense.

Post # 60
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

I’m glad my DH and I have similar educational backgrounds- multiple degrees and advanced degrees. DH and I are able to talk about everything- economics, philosophy, science, politics, etc., without worrying the other isn’t going to “get it.” I don’t think it’s just due to the education, but we have similar intellects. I’ve dated others before DH with whom I didn’t use a certain type of vocabulary, or discussed certain subjects. I’m just glad I don’t have this kind of limitation with DH.

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