(Closed) eeekkkk! Awkward moment… family member asked if he could take a save the date

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

Wow, what an awkward situation! I guess they think they’re closer to you than they really are, and were expecting to be invited. I hate how weddings can result in hurt feelings like this.

A family member I considered to be quite close got married last spring, and I wasn’t invited. He did however invite his old football buddy and his girlfriend! We grew up together and I considered him to be almost a brother, we’ve known each other for 30 years, but I wasn’t invited – and yet a football buddy he knew for three years in college was invited! To top it all off, I kindly sent a card and a small gift which wasn’t even acknowledged. So he’s gone from being someone I considered to be like a brother, to someone who I won’t invite to my own wedding and will virtually stop contacting, because he obviously considers me to be less important than even his old football buddy.

Back to your situation… if the subject comes up again you’ll just have to explain that you’d like to invite everyone but sadly money doesn’t allow it, so you’re inviting only immediate family and a couple of close friends. However be prepared for them to assess your choice of guests and say something like “Well if THAT guest is more important than me then I’m obviously not important at all, so I’m not going to bother with them any more”.

Post # 4
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I understand where the second post is coming from…  A close family friend got married several years ago, and I wasn’t invited.  It wouldn’t have been such a big deal, but it was a blow out of high school buddies and cool kids for a girl who I used to babysit, and who is a annually invited guest to a large party at my house.  (She always attends along with her whole family and every extended family member who is anywhere near our house on the day of our party…(by that I mean aunts, uncles, grandparents, and now nieces and nephews and her new family who aren’t really on our invitation list) As I mentioned she’s a family friend, and my parents were included on the guest list, but I wasn’t…and the day of her wedding I found myself having to tell others that I wasn’t invited, because it was assumed that I would be by anyone who had any bit of knowledge of this family…and it wouldn’t have been a big deal except that the wedding was a big deal.  (Big guest list of at least 300 people, my family party isn’t that big and we have ended up hosting their extended family members annually for the last 20 years, and normally have gained two or three extra guests from their family alone.)  So it was annoying to find myself uninvited, and once my parents went they found they found themselves feeling annoyed that a I hadn’t gotten an invite based on all the extra plus ones that they saw…who were more like a frat boy thinking there’s a keg party tonight than anything else…  Guest lists are really sticky situations.  On of my best friends chose to have a very very small wedding, which was fine, but she called and told multiple people she was engaged the very night of her engagement, and then didn’t invite them.  She also didn’t invited most of her family and limited her husband’s guest list to siblings and their children.  I was a guest and a close enough friend to hear all the details of the reasons why she wanted to make an extreme limitation on the guest list, and quite frankly I think it was more hurtful to others than anything, and there wasn’t a sensible reasoning behind it.  It had nothing to do with cost, or her personal feelings about anyone… it wasn’t a factor of disliking people but more a control issue on her part.  I know she invited a few guests who felt funny that they were asked over relatives that they (the invited guests) knew were important in the life of the groom and /or the bride.  (I think they could have added maybe 10 to 15 more people on their list and it wouldn’t have felt so awkward.) But it was like she couldn’t figure out that it made sense to invite the groom’s aunts and uncles  (His mother was deceased, so there wasn’t a Future Mother-In-Law to discuss the importance of these women in his family, but if you knew the groom…they were important.)  Her aunts were invited but his weren’t.  Part of that was due to the fact that he had more siblings but it was more to do with the fact that she could directly see that it was important for her relatives to attend.  But then she excluded her cousins and thought that a family picnic in the backyard later in the summer would make up for their exclusion…  I knew that if it was my cousin that I wouldn’t think that a little picnic was the same as a wedding.  Being asked to go to a wedding is an honor, but being asked to a picnic is commonplace. 

Post # 6
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

That makes total sense!  I wouldn’t feel a bit guilty if I were you! 

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