Post # 1
Okay, so this a little long….
So I have a friend named Olivia, and we have been very close for the past 3 1/2 years. She is a wonderful friend, yet sometimes can have a very hot temper. About a month ago, a group of friends and I went to a basketball game and got separated from Olivia, we frantically tried to find her, but when she found us, she literally blew up, made a scene and said we had "ditched her." (Honestly, we had no intentions of this).
Just two days ago, the same group of friends, including Olivia, were all planning on working out together, first meeting at a parking lot to stretch. Olivia aparently did arrive at the right parking lot, and when she did find us she was fuming and called us "fake friends" and that we always are leaving her out. The one friend, Meagan, told her she needed to chill, only making Olivia more mad.
After 2 minutes of running, Olivia started chippering away like nothing had happened. Everyone else joined in, but I felt like there was a pit in my stomach…I truly value all of the friendships I have. To be called a "fake friend" by someone who I consider myself to be close to really hurts. I have not talked to her for the past 2 days. Others have to me she has been saying that she "doesn’t think I like her anymore." Honestly, I want to tell her how much she hurt me, but I fear she my just push it right back to me. Any suggestions???
Post # 3
This is a tough one, and I’ll give you some advice coming from a fellow hot head… pick a time when shes in a good mood, and bring it up gently. Say something like "Olivia, I truly value you as a friend, and so I want to be up front with you always. I’m hurt that you called me a fake friend, and the worst part about it is you feel like we ditch you on purpose but that isn’t the case." And go on to explain your side. Don’t be judgmental or raise your voice, be as calm as possible about it. Since she is already in a good mood, and your taking the time to share your feelings with her, hopefully she will look at it from your point of view and see where your coming from.
I’ve had to be put in my place by one of my besties, and its always worked best when were outside the moment, on neutral ground, and both in a good mood. If it doesn’t work and she gets mad, just simply get up and walk out. Either she’ll come around or she didn’t deserve you as a friend in the first place.
Hope this helps!
Post # 4
You’re friends right? Talk to her! I know you feel a bit angry. She just doesn’t feel like she’s as close with everyone… making her feel left out at any moment something goes wrong. She just needs re-assurance. Maybe get lunch with just her, or go shopping? Then you can tell her you feel a little hurt that she called you a "fake friend" and that you feel bad about the recent events… but honestly didn’t mean for them to happen.
This all being said, That is her personality, and she will probably always be that way. If she is a true friend you want to stay close with, I’d say pick your battles! Forgive and forget!
Post # 5
Well, I think you are definitely right, if you tell her that she hurt your feelings, she will definitely come back with the things that are bothering her.
Is it possible there is some validity in what she’s saying? I am a little curious how all of you got separated from one of her, at the game. It certainly could be innocent. But girls like to go places in groups. So I’m picturing her going to get hot dogs and no one else wanting or offering to go with her. Or going to the ladies room and no one waiting for her to finish. Or, maybe she’s a hot head, who’s really insecure, and totally irrational….
I can understand if you feel hurt. Maybe you should open up to her. And ask her why she feels so insecure about your friendships. Maybe you can get some things sorted out. And have everyone feel better.
Post # 6
You need to talk to her. Part of being a friend is accepting people for who they are, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t talk to them when you are hurt.
Post # 7
I have a friend just like that. If there is something that you do wrong that offends her, she blows up. TALK TO HER. It will help get everything out in the open. maybe she doesn’t know that she does those things and thinks that she can because no one has said anything to her before. I would tell her, honestly and in a one on one conversation that you do value her friendship, but it hurts your feelings and makes you feel like she doesn’t want you as a friend when she says comments like you are a ‘fake friend’. etc.
I hope that this helps a bit and hopefully you can get everything figured out!
Post # 8
When you do talk to her, word your concerns as "I feel" rather than "You did" because it will be more productive. "You did" puts someone on the defensive, whereas "I feel" will facilitate a conversation. Good luck!