Post # 1
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
I’ve found several threads but looking for the most current suggestions as apps/dating site cultures and reputations (and prices I’m sure) change.
I’m 30 going on 31 and ready to find my man – I’m looking for a relationship that will turn into marriage so I’m serious. Figured I’m a big girl now and could up my game on a paid dating site maybe. I’m still on other free ones too. And I continue to live my adventurous life that exposes me to people in person.
my question – if I go the paid dating site route, would you reccomend Match or E-harmony? It’s hard to tell if I should give either a chance when I can’t really see what kind of men are online without upgrading. Also considering Christian mingle but not sure. What do you guys think? I could always switch to another later but need a good place to start and want to pick a good one if I’m paying.
thanks!
Post # 2
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
I met my husband on eharmony. So I’d recommend it, it did seem to have plenty of genuine guys but it’s all just luck and depends who’s on each app. If one isn’t giving results then try the next one. Good luck
Post # 3
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
True. Thought about just paying for a month on one and if no luck or if I don’t like the way it operates trying another.
Post # 4
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
Another vote for eharmony I met my husband on it. I like that it requires both parties to actually put some work and money into signing up, shows that their intentions to find someone are more serious
Post # 5
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
Third vote for E-Harmony. Two co-workers met their now husbands using that site.
Post # 6
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
My husband and I met on eharmony. There are a lot of dead profiles, but after sorting through, it seems like more of the people who take out the subscriptions there are actually looking for relationships instead of just for fun. OKCupid was on the casual side, I found guys there weren’t as intentional about dating. Bumble was fun, but a little bit of hell on wheels from time to time.
Post # 7
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
I know it only takes one guy to change the whole dating game for you -but did any of you actually find an abundance of quality and attractive men to choose from or was it slim pickings? I’m afraid of paying and finding that there’s no one attractive or quality online.I know from the unpaid dating sites – and I’m not trying to be rude, but – there’s a reason some people resort to online and I already feel like there are hardly any quality men to choose from, the pool is small. Is this any different on the paid sites? Or maybe it’s just the area I live in ….
im leaning more toward e-harmony myself though. A co-worker also met her husband there!
Post # 8
Member
14 posts
Newbee
First vote for Match 🙂 I met the love of my life through Match after less than a month of posting my profile. He was on Match for over two years before we found each other though. There are good people on each site, so you can’t really go wrong. Good luck in your search!
Post # 9
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
@hrtsnstrs: Dating in your 30s is an adventure. I was also 30 when I was online dating, and while there aren’t a whole ton of serious men in that age group, I think a lot depends on what you view as a “quality man”.
I went on dates with several people from eharmony who I would consider “quality men” and/or “attractive”, but I didn’t mind someone who was 5’4″, or who had a bit of a dad bod, or who had a lower paying job than me. It didn’t scare me away that someone had already been married or had a kid or two. I didn’t limit myself to a small radius. I was willing to drive 45 mins to an hour for a date, and a surprising number of men were willing to do the same. I went on dates with men up to 13 years older than me and four years younger.
I’m not suggesting these are hang ups for you, but I do think that successful online dating means you talk to and go on dates with many different people, and you can’t truly rule someone out until you’ve met them in person. Attractiveness is about more than just looks. Dating is a process, and it’s not a waste of time if you don’t get bogged down in the “one man at a time” mindset. I had a couple of dates per week for a month or two before I met my husband. Very few became second dates, but that was okay. It was still interesting to meet new people and have a nice dinner or coffee date.
I kept my bumble while I was on eharmony, so I was pulling from both places.
Post # 10
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
I don’t have a lot of time to go on a lot of dates between work, hobbies, and friends. Which I see as a good thing because I’m leaving things up to chance in real life, too -so I am kinda picky about who I’ll meet up with. I do have my parameter set for up to 10 years older, and I’ve dated up to 12 years my senior. Ive found with a lot of guys way older than me though that there’s a reason they’re still single or not remarried. Not all, of course! Ive also dated a few years younger but I find *most* younger guys in their 20’s just aren’t in the same headspace as me – but I do have a friend who is 4 years older than her bf and he is mature. I’ve also dated a single dad once, and while it’s not a dealbreaker, I’d prefer not to. I also feel like it’s a lot different if I met a man in person the organic way who was a dad -I’m just not specifically searching it out online. But that’s not to say I wouldn’t change my parameters if I wanted to widen my search, though. But I’ve done a lot of online dating in the past and I learned several times over that I’m better off that way -I went out with way too many guys who I thought “oh I’ll give him a chance!” And every single time I wish I’d stayed home! Haha. That being said, it’s not that I expect any man to be perfect, I just need a good reason to believe it’s worth my time meeting up. But I guess it’s that way with any woman who values her time, right? 🙂 however…there have been a few guys i don’t see longterm compatibility with who I have thought hmmm…maybe I will just meet up for drinks just for fun if he’s paying! 😄 and I think that’s fine too! And honestly who knows if that wouldn’t be the person it ends up working out with when you’re not expecting it, right?
Post # 11
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
@hrtsnstrs: Totally understand the time constraints, which is why I had to cap mine at a date or two per week. There’s just not enough time in the day for dates with everyone from some of the more prolific dating sites.
I would never encourage to lower your standards. I’d just say that meeting someone for a coffee when four out of five things seem pretty good, and perhaps he has a kid or looks awkward in photos, isn’t a bad call.
Post # 12
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
@bouviebee: yes girl, I hear you!! 🙏🏼 I think you’re right in that you have to take chances in dating. Absolutely.
Post # 13
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
I never did a paid site but I met my husband on okcupid. I believe he met his first wife there too. And a good friend of mine met her serious boyfriend of almost 3 years there once she signed up after we got engaged. So I’m a fan!
The one thing I highly encourage is for you to seek out people you like and initiate a conversation. I immediately got tons of messages and felt like I needed to give them all a “chance” and quickly got overwhelmed. Most of the messages just said hey or a short line. I’ve heard from guys that even if they spend time looking at a girl’s profile and tailoring a nice message to them, they often got ignored, so many stopped doing that really early on. So I looked through anyone that came up under possible matches and if I liked their profile, I wrote them a personal message, like “hey, I saw on your profile that you like xyz, I do too! Have you ever seen/done/been to (blank)? I really like your sense of humor, btw. Feel free to check out my profile and if you like what you see, great! If not, no worries and I won’t be offended at all. Have a great day!” When I did that, guys almost always responded. Some were interested and some weren’t, many faded quickly when we started chatting, but it was a lot better in terms of interested guys that were in line with what I was looking for. So I got a lot more bang for my buck! My husband messaged me back and pretty much took it from there- kept the chat going, asked questions, shared about himself, moved things to Facebook, then phone calls and then dates. It was great.
Post # 14
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
I met my husband on Match. I didn’t like eHarmony because I found it more restrictive — not as many people to pick from.
Post # 15
Member
5424 posts
Bee Keeper
@hrtsnstrs: Although I never used any of the dating websites, I heard from friends repeatedly who have used both that eharmony is better than match.