Post # 1
My fiance and I are both liberal Christains, and he works as a minister. He lived with me during the summer, and have been together for years, so obviously our religion has not kept us from being sexually active.
However even from the begining if our relationship my fiance has been petrified of me getting pregnant, and that has affected our intimacy. I think he is afraid also how a pregnancy before marriage would affect his career. We are getting married in 8 months, so that is not a huge issue now, it still a concern. I also have a few health problems and I do NOT want a child until I am in my mid 30s.
I would like my fiance to ejaculate in me, but be is scared because he usually pulls out. We do not use condoms just the pill. Are we the only ones who have felt nervous? We hate condoms. Is the pill good enough?
Post # 2
With any birth control method there is always a risk. The pill is said to be 99% effective with perfect use. Typical use is around 91%. This is according to PP statistics.
Is it good enough is something you have to weigh for yourself no matter what methods you choose.
I will say initially it was a bit worrisome and sometimes it still is with the occasional late period. However, really the initial anxiety goes down once you do it regularly and occasional anxiety goes down when you see that those late periods were just in fact late if they occur.
That said, if it’s truly an inconvenience for you to be pregnant right now then you have to decide for you both how you want to handle that chance. If going an extra eight months with condoms/pulling out in addition to the pill or ultimately not having sex period is the safest course for you both then that’s what it is.
My husband and I rely on my hormonal IUD alone to prevent pregnancy but I’m also prepared and willing to accept in the 1% chance it fails. So, for me it’s not an issue.
Post # 3
loverofcatsandwine : use spermicide as a backup
Post # 4
Like pp said, there’s always a minuscule risk with any form of birth control, but the pill should completely protect you even if your bf ejaculates in you. I used the pill as my only form of bc with Darling Husband (and my previous bf) for the greater part of a decade and never got pregnant. That said we just started TTC so I don’t actually know what my fertility situation truly is.
Post # 5
We tried it once or twice but personally the stress just wasn’t worth it for me. Plus in the aftermath it’s not really that magical.
Even though I take BC almost perfectly, it’s only 99.9% effective which is a 1/1000 chance. I just felt more comfortable taking an extra prevention step since a baby would not be a happy surprise right now and I am pro life.
Post # 6
Can you wear a diaphragm? There is many methods to prevent pregnancy. Also try Nuva ring?
Post # 7
We used only the pill for like…10 years with no issues. Got pregnant within 3 months of stopping.
But yes there is always a small risk with any birth control.
Post # 8
If you’re taking your pill around the same time everyday, and are aware of the fact that certain medications, like antibiotics, can lessen the effectiveness of BC and take the necessary precautions when on them, then you technically don’t have anything to worry about. According to my doctor, it’s really the people who use the pill incorrectly (in a multitude of ways) that have any reason to worry.
My Fiance is the only man I’ve ever not also used condoms with, so at first I was a little anxious about it, but since then and since speaking with my doctor I feel much better about it. The only reason we still sometimes use condoms is simply because clean up is easier. Is there a particular reason you two don’t also use condoms if you’re that concerned about it? I’m just recalling all those middle school health class lectures on how pulling out isn’t necessarily safer. 🙂
Post # 9
You should talk to your doctor about this. She can make sure you understand the right way to use the pill so that it will be as effective as possible, and she can also make suggestions for additional forms of birth control if the pill’s protection is not enough for you to feel confident (because only you can decide if the 99% effectiveness rate with perfect use is enough). Something as simple as understanding your fertile window may be enough to get the confidence you need, or you may choose a different or additional form of birth control, but you need to base this decision on actual medical information.
Post # 10
The pill was good enough for me. I used it for 10 years (no other methods) without an issue with long term partners. I got pregnant super fast 2x (both my babies were the result of sex one time) so it seems like it was definitely effective for me. There is always a small risk but if you use it correctly it is very effective. Maybe you can combine it with a diaphragm or spermicide?
Post # 11
I’ve used only the pill for 7 years now with no issues.
If you take it at the same time (ie. 6-9 o’clock, 10-12 oclock, etc) then you won’t ovulate. If you don’t ovulate, his sperm has no egg to fertilize. You will not get pregnant. The pill is meant to prevent pregnancy entirely on its own.
Post # 12
But pre-marital sex doesn’t affect his career?!!?
Post # 13
I actually had this issue with Darling Husband. Strangely enough, he was afraid of ejaculation until we actually got married. We still don’t want to be pregnant, but for some reason actually being married relieved his fear. You might find once the wedding is over, you don’t have to worry about this anymore.
Post # 14
With my ex-husband we always pulled out in addition to the pill (thank god!) but after him, I just used a spermicide in addition to the pill and never freaked out. Now, thankfully, I pray to the vasectomy gods… So far no scares, but I do have a little brother that occurred after a vasectomy (8 years!) so I should probably know better. But I think the pill, taken properly and a spermicide should cover you!
Post # 15
Thank you everyone for the helpful comments. I am confident enough with only the pill, but I think he just has anxiety issues. I think he may need time with the idea. Neither of us like condoms.
In response to the person who asked if premarital sex hurts his career…we are Episcopalian. It is an old denomination, but also one of the first denominations to welcome women and LGBTQ and trans people to be ministers. He has asked our priest and bishop if it was OK to live together, and neither of them cared in the slightest. None of the church members had a problem with it either. If they did, I’d probably tell them to get out of my bedroom haha.