(Closed) Elderly/ill father – coping from a distance – any advice?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1149 posts
Bumble bee

AnamCara, hugs to you.  It sounds like you and your family are having a really difficult time. I hope that your Dad’s condition improves so things will be a bit easier.

I’m not getting married myself so I can’t speak to your wedding-specific concerns directly from a personal perspective, but my Mom is the primary caregiver for my elderly grandmother, and I too live 3000 miles away and see the stress this situation puts on my Mom, and feel guilty.  It’s REALLY hard to deal with those feelings of guilt (if I was a “good daughter” I’d uproot my life to help out my Mom, etc….) but I can tell you that the best thing you can do for your Mom is to be there for her when she needs to talk, or vent, or get ideas about how to deal with situations.

I’m not sure if your Mom is active with the internet but if she is there are caregiver websites with great online Communities that can help in terms of support/venting and information sharing as well (I have a list but it’s at home  – I just googled “caregiver support”).

I hope this helps.  Meanwhile I would not feel guilty about planning your wedding, your parents love you and want you to have a joyful day celebrating your new marriage — I’m sure your Dad wonders if and hopes that he’ll be able to walk you down the aisle and dance with you, too.  By moving forward with the plans you are creating a happy experience for your family to share in together.  


Post # 5
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry about your dad. You shouldn’t feel guilty about planning your wedding and wanting to have your special day. From what you have written, you dad wouldn’t want you to feel guilty and it would probably make him sad, if he knew.

If you know he won’t be able to come to the wedding, you could go to where he is and do a commitment ceremony, where he could walk you down some kind of an aisle. You could have someone video it, so you could have a keepsake of it, and also maybe give a copy to your father, so that he could watch it whenever he wanted too.

The topic ‘Elderly/ill father – coping from a distance – any advice?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors