(Closed) Election's effects on marriages?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 46
Member
2399 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

anonbbee :  yes.  Read what’s been written this week. The distain and sometimes outright hatred of white people is being spewed everywhere. Before the election it wasn’t this blatant but now it seems like it’s a free-for-all. And of course, perfectly acceptable by the “tolerant” liberals.

Post # 47
Member
3448 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

jannigirl :  You do realize a lot of the people you claim hate white people are the same people who voted for a white woman, yes? I mean, you are aware that the two candidates who ran are both white people.

Post # 48
Member
6495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

My Darling Husband is light years ahead of his family. He voted for Obama and refused to vote in this election. However, because he came from a rural, white, farming family who hold views that are about as diverse as white sheet paper, he is a little slower on the progressive changes than I am. He IS supportive of gay rights and is very accepting of those of other backgrounds and religions.

But when I express my frustration with the election and insist that “middle America” voted based on backlash and the three Gs, he has a hard time not taking it personally. When I mention that statistically whites without a college education went overwhelmingly for Trump, he has a hard time not interpreting that as me believing his family is uneducated and stupid. So while we aren’t as far apart in politics as some others, discussions can still be difficult because he is not very far removed from the politics of his family, and while he doesn’t share their views, he does understand where they are coming from. At bedrock, we agree, but we both need to choose our words carefully.

Post # 49
Member
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

jannigirl :  Speaking as a white person, you are ridiculous. White people have not been the ones being told they are going to be kicked out of the country, have not been the ones coming back to their dorm rooms to find “walls” built out of shoes and clothing, have not had their head coverings ripped off their heads (or feared wearing them), have not seen their children bullied by adults at bus stops.

Speaking out against racist, prejudiced and sexist assholes is not “spewing hatred against white people”, because not all white people are racist, prejudiced, and sexist assholes. If you feel the comments against racists hit a little too close to heart, maybe think on why…

But enjoy speaking about all this “hatred against whites” from your privileged position as a straight, white woman.

Post # 50
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

justwondering2015 :  Thanks so much for opening this thread.  I totally get your dilemma.  The presidential election this year definitely put a strain on my relationship too…my fiance and I never talked that much about politics during the first year of our relationship, and it only became apparent recently how different our views are.  He voted for Trump, which I still find disgusting.  We’ve spent hours arguing over Trump and I just have to accept that as a white guy who grew up in a sheltered environment, he can’t understand my perspective as a woman of color who has lived and traveled all over the US and the world.  He’s not racist, but he downplays the toxicity of Trump’s racist, xenophobic, and misogynist language, and thinks discussion of this distracts from the “real issues” (economy, security, etc).  Of course as a white guy, he can conveniently dismiss racism, sexism, and xenophobia as unimportant because he will not be personally affected.

I’ve felt very alienated from my fiance when we discuss these issues, so we’ve decided to avoid talking about them for now…it just feels too raw.  Somehow, we manage to be very compatible and have very similar values outside of this one area.  But I have questioned from time to time whether we should break up over our different political views.  It’s hard not to take his support for Trump personally, as someone who has been sexually assaulted in the past, as a daughter of immigrants, as someone who has experienced racism.  When he and I argue about whether Trump’s words are racist, I just want to tear my hair out and scream.  A white guy lecturing me on whether something is racist is the most ludicrous thing to me…of course as a nonwhite woman, I’m a better judge as to whether a comment is racist or not, how is this even a discussion?

OP, I agree with others that your husband’s comment that he is “too old” to change is ridiculous.  40’s is not old, he is just being stubborn about hearing other points of view.  I also don’t think his military experience is an excuse for his xenophobia about Muslims.  I’ve had bad interactions with a few members of a particular ethnic group, but would never generalize to say that everyone who is part of that ethnic group is evil and should be treated differently.  If the relationship is otherwise good, I’d try to patiently reason with him, and expose him to real people who contradict his stereotypes.

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