Eloped 2 months ago, only received something (card, dinner, ect) from 3 families

posted 9 months ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 16
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

Wow. Just wow. Are you for real? I can’t. 🤣

Post # 17
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

Be thankful for what you got. In my opinion, elopement = no gifts. No guests = no gifts.

Seriously though, I’d happily take no gifts, all I want is for us to have the people we love around us. I don’t want to create a registry. 

Post # 18
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Just use the card holder for the holiday cards. I love my friends and family but it wouldn’t even occur to me to give a gift or a card to anyone who eloped no matter who they are to me.  I am positive no one realizes you’re hurt over this so either talk to them or get over it.  I vote for get over it. 

Post # 19
768 posts
Busy bee

What PPs said..

I get that you’re hurt and expected people to still want to celebrate with you /  congratulate you etc., but maybe they are hurt they weren’t invited to ACTUALLY celebrate with you or witness you get married.. especially if you only announced it on Facebook.. !!

Not saying you’re wrong to have eloped, but with that comes new twrrritory for other people. Perhaps they are hurt / insulted – and maybe you haven’t handled it the best? I don’t know – is only a thought..

ETA: I DEFINITELY would not have set up a registry – or expected any gifts from it – for an elopement!! That one is a little off kilter..

Post # 20
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

You should definitely make a post about this on Facebook.

Post # 21
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I really don’t want to be harsh, but you are coming off as really entitled and immature OP. It was your choice to elope. Now, while you are perfectly entitled to choose an elopement, you must realise it automatically means you lose all the gifts, dinners and whatnot, that comes with weddings. People give you money, gifts and host dinners in RETURN for you hosting them for a wedding and reception. You can’t have both. That’s just common sense. Also, setting a up a registry is insane, in these circumstances.

Now of course you can choose to ignore this, but the fact that a bunch of strangers online, who aren’t invested in your life or wedding in any way, are ALL telling you the same thing, should hopefully be eye-opening.

Post # 22
373 posts
Helper bee

Try this approach…

Post # 23
5410 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I have never heard of someone making a gift registry for an elopement.

I actually find it surprising that you expected gifts when you chose to elope. 

It was your choice to elope but I don’t understand how you can expect gifts and get annoyed when you don’t get enough even though you chose to exclude your friends and family from celebrating with you.

I like how your expectation that some sort of celebration with your family should be THEM hosting you for dinner or taking you out. So in place of you hosting them at a wedding you think they should host you and give you cash??

Post # 24
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My SIL eloped 20+ years ago. Parents gave her money but did not attend – they weren’t invited.

I did not even realise it was a thing to send a card/gift to her after the event.

She had the audacity for years after to complain about a lack of cards/gifts. The whole thing amplified just how selfish she and her then partner were.

It is an important event to YOU but not to others when they are not included. Expecting cards/gifts is off.

Post # 25
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Didn’t read everything, but don’t elope and expect presents, I’m shocked you think this is a thing. 

Even if you had a “traditional” wedding it would

be super tacky to complain about lack of gifts  


daisyjupes :  

Post # 26
3328 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Sorry. No one is obligated to give you anything when you elope. Your expectations and the reality of elopement clearly don’t match. Next time do better research. Congratulations on your marriage. 

Post # 27
4482 posts
Honey bee

Wow.  I’m still confused about creating a registry because people asked where you’re registered. 

The correct response would have been “We’re not registered because we’re eloping privately and have everything we need, but thanks for asking.” 

But clearly, despite what you claim, you had the expectation that people are just falling all over themselves to shower you with riches to celebrate parties they aren’t invited to.

They’re not.

Welcome to adulthood.

Prepare yourself now: No one except the people who gave you your DNA  and your spouse give a shit about your birthday either now.

Eta: And yes, people will reward and often acknowledge accomplishments like earning a degree.  But you…Just didn’t throw a party.  That’s not an accomplishment.  You pretty much get what you give – if you give Facebook announcements, you get Facebook congratulations or a brief congrats the next event they happen to see you at.

Post # 28
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I wouldn’t send a card or gift to a wedding I wasn’t invited to, elopement or not. It wouldn’t even occur to me.

Im guessing your family and friends have no idea you’re even upset about this. I think the sheer number of identical responses you’ve had probably echo the assumptions of the people in your life – that choosing an elopement means foregoing things like gifts.

Post # 29
3940 posts
Honey bee

This is a joke, right? 

If you wanted presents you should have had a shower and a reception. But you chose to elope and make it all about yourselves rather than celebrate with family and friends, which is certainly your right. So buy yourselves a gift.

Post # 30
1283 posts
Bumble bee

In case of elopement “congrats” under the Facebook announcement is sufficient. If a good friend or a family member then a text. The whole point if elopement is to avoid everything wedding related and that includes giving up on gifts and cards. I understand you’re hurt, but it’s not the norm to send gifts/cards in this case. 

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