Eloped 2 months ago, only received something (card, dinner, ect) from 3 families

posted 9 months ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 77
Member
2669 posts
Sugar bee

Why does OP post and ghost on her threads???

Post # 78
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

OP, I think you have already given yourself a great gift by your decision to elope. No bridesmaid drama, no spending thousands on one day, no friends or family trying to take over the wedding planning, no need to worry about who to invite, no having to wait two years until you can afford it, etc., etc., etc. Weddings are great, and there isn’t just one right way to get married, but the stress was so bad leading up to my wedding that I had to take anti-anxiety meds.

Having dodged a lot of drama, don’t create any by getting fixated on the cards and gifts you are NOT receiving. Each choice comes with a price, and this is one of them. Focus on being happy about your marriage. I guarantee you that some of your friends and family are nursing resentment that you did not include them.

 

Post # 79
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

We also eloped, and my reasoning was financial. We did not announce it anywhere. I sent out photo announcement cards about two months later only to very close family members/friends (maybe 10). 

I wasn’t expecting anything except maybe from close relatives. But in reality I received something from people I never expected… We received 2 gifts from 2 of my parent’s long time family friends. I received money from my grandpa, one aunt, and my parents. My husband’s friend also gave us something.

Otherwise we received no response from the ones we sent out. Not even a congratulations. Nothing from my brothers. Nothing from my husband’s sister who texted us six months later asking for pics. (Yeah…no). And after we got married she still called me his “fiancee”.

I guess I was most offended by her lack of response and lack of my brothers’ response. In the end, don’t expect anything from anybody.

Post # 80
Member
6404 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I guess as a relative or close friend, I would be somewhat hurt to not have been included. Parents and immediate family, especially, could have felt that not being allowed to witness your marriage was very hurtful. As a parent, I’d have a hard time getting over it if a child of mine excluded me like that. That said, I would try my best to get over it and I would still congratulate them, but not everyone reacts the same way.

I’d just encourage the OP to see this through the eyes of all those she didn’t want around on her wedding day. You are hurt they haven’t sent cards and gifts; they are hurt they didn’t get to see you get married. They may see it as a fair’s fair situation.

Post # 81
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

That’s normal. We’re from some place you get soooo much gifts and golds and money from the family that it’d be enough to buy a house afterwards, my brother eloped. They received only some congrats from the fam, little gifts here and there but not even 1 percent of what they would have gotten if they had a proper wedding.

 

Post # 82
Member
47200 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

daisyjupes :  You do know that you can close this thread, right? At this point, any further responses just seem like piling on, especially since you are not engaging in any discussion.

Post # 83
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

We’re planning a very small ceremony with family, 11 in total including us. We made this clear to everyone we knew. There’s no way I would expect someone to get us a gift. One person gave us a monetary gift and even that blew my mind. You announced it in the most impersonal way, people are hurt and might be offended. 

Post # 84
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

daisyjupes :  Did you end up telling people how you felt when they didn’t send you cards/gifts? I’m curious how it all went down.

Post # 85
Member
834 posts
Busy bee

ladyjane123 :  uhm.. wow. That’s an incredibly bold statement to make about couples who elope. I apparently missed the memo that couples owe other people their weddings… Here I was, under the impression that getting married *is* about the couple and they can get married whatever way they want… I guess the house my husband and I bought instead of blowing 50k on a wedding is a huge “fuck you” to our friends and family 😂 Sucks for them! 

Post # 86
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

We eloped, and didn’t expect or receive a single gift or card. I just assumed how it works. Maybe no one likes us either 🤷🏻‍♀️

ETA: If you wanted gifts, you should’ve planned a reception/celebration of some sort instead of a Facebook announcement.  

Post # 87
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

You’re hurt because friends and family didn’t send you gifts, cards, or take you to dinner.  They’re probably hurt because you didn’t want them to witness such an important thing as your wedding.  Why does your hurt matter more to you than theirs does?

Post # 88
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

To friends and family who want to celebrate and be included, yes it CAN come off like a giant F you. So she shouldn’t be expecting everyone to be over the moon about not getting to be there. Personally I don’t care if someone elopes or doesn’t. But eloping is like signing away all rights to be celebrated in a big way. Just how it is. 

 

istanbee :   madamesuperstarmcawesomeville :  

Post # 89
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

See my above comment. I’m just stating how friends and family CAN feel about an elopement. Personally I think people can do whatever they want. 

 

deannamarie :  

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