Post # 1
My husband and I got married in 2008, we wanted to get married for various reasons, however neither of our families would have thought we should yet at that time, however, we have now been living together for almost 5 years.
We have set the wedding date for begin 2013. He is Catholic, however he does not go to church – only for important occassions eg: easter, christmas etc. and at other times once in a blue moon. I myself am not affixed to any religion and respect all.
A marraige officer married us previously. We were thinking of just getting a venue with a chapel and having the same marraige officer, but my husbands sister says we must get married in the Catholic church for his father.
The possible problems are: That I am not a catholic (although I have heard of a couple marrying and the partner was not catholic), but if need be, I am open to converting. And mainly: That we are actually married – but want the ceremony done so that it doesn’t have to be made known that we are actually already married – would a priest be able to do this? And we would probably have to tell the priest the situation – would he want us to tell everyone (or even our parents) that we are actually married?
Any helpful thoughts would be appreciated.
Post # 3
I highly doubt a priest would go along with this, though it does depend, you may be able to find one who will but I would think it would be pretty tough. Many won’t marry a living together couple at all, that’s without even getting into the fact that you had a civil ceremony. Basically because in the church’s eyes you have disobeyed the church’s/God’s wishes by being wed in a civil ceremony rather than a religious one. Plus, well, priests are not going to lie for you by saying traditional lines about presenting you as husband and wife for the first time and things like that. They are able to do what is called a covalidation so you can be married in the eyes of God, but this is not the same as a typical marriage ceremony.
I’m not really religious but was raised Catholic and have seen family members have the covalidation so that is how I’m familiar…here is an article I found online that tells yout he steps you’d need to take to make this happen
Post # 4
Thank you Courtney, I will look into it and yes I had my doubts but will go ahead and see if something can be worked out. Hope you and your family enjoy the rest of the festive season!
Post # 5
I found this:
The priest or deacon who presides uses the Rite of Marriage to lead the couple in taking the original vows and renewing them in the context of a Catholic ceremony, thus making it a valid marriage in the eyes of the Church. Even in the shorter form, it is still a true wedding ceremony, including the readings of scripture and an appropriate homily. Depending on what the couple desires, they can exchange rings or have the original rings blessed as they wear them. The vows and readings for a convalidation are the same as the wedding ceremony. Some priests will be open to more elaborate ceremonies that include traditional wedding music or a procession.
It’s definitely worth asking your priest about… Explain your intentions and reasonings… You never know until you ask…
Post # 6
I know several people who have done this. You just need to meet with different priests. Because in the eyes of the church you aren’t married (I belive that’s how it works) its a real wedding. In fact I think they encourage you to do the legal stuff first. In terms of living with eachother priest marry people who live together all the time. This might b because I’m from California which is a more liberal place but I have seen it be done time n time again
Post # 7
I don’t know about the aspect of your having already been married, but as far as your not being Catholic that shouldn’t be a problem. My fiance is Catholic and I am not and both our priest and the Catholic premarital material we have say that such an arrangement is not a problem. (Some parishes may disagree, but it’s not the majority opinion.)
The other consideration for getting married in a Catholic church– in addition to your husband’s father– is to keep the door open for raising your children in a Catholic church. From what we’ve been told by the Church our kids coudn’t be baptized in a Catholic church unless we were married in one. This doesn’t matter to me but it’s very important for my fiance and his parents- and may be to yours as well.
Post # 8
Because Canon Law requires Catholics to marry in the Catholic Church, you’re marriage is considered a Putative marriage. This means that because it does not meet the laws of the Church covered by Canon Law, it is legally invalid. As such, you would need to get your marriage convalidated by the Catholic Church to be right in the eyes of the Church
Here is info on convalidations: http://churchofancientways.org/convalidation.html
Many Catholics do not understand the theology behind marriage. They tend to believe that the Sacrament of martrimony is administered by the priest. As such, they put a heavy emphesis on needing the priest to “bless” the marriage. This is untrue however. The husband and wife administer the sacrament onto each other through their exchange of consent. The priest acts as both the State’s and the Church’s witness to the consent given, as to two other witnesses (typically the maid of honor and the best man get this role). A Putative marriage is a marriage where the couple exchanges matrimonial consent in good faith, but do so illicitly without meeting the legal requirements of a State or of the church the couple belongs to. The sacramental nature of matrimony exists only in marriages between two baptised indidividuals. If one is not baptised, it is considered a natural marriage. Once the non-baptised person is baptised, the marriage is sacramental. Nothing needs to be done as every time the marriage couple engages in the marital embrace they are partaking in a sacramental act, not just a physical act that is now finally permitted.