(Closed) Eloped..and struggling

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

why don’t you have a vow renewal?

Post # 4
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have a small vow renewal with your parents, siblings and best friends?

Post # 6
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MeiFrancis:  +1

Plan a 1 year anniversary vow renewal! You’ve got a few months left to work it out 🙂

Post # 7
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You could host a nice family get together to celebrate your marriage. Or maybe just host the families for Christmas for the first time as a new family? Or do a vow renewal. No point in stressing about what might have been. Think about the things that you would like to happen now and find a way to make that happen.

Post # 8
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Maybe you can have another ceremony? Small and intimate, but with family and friends.

My friends eloped a few years ago in the month of Jan in their living room (lol) but then they had the church and reception wedding later on in the year so they could be surrounded my their family and friends.

…may I ask why you two decided to elope? Was it something you both wanted? Or was it driven by other things? Either way you can always have another ‘wedding’!

Post # 10
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

You apologize if you’ve done something that causes another person’s feelings to be hurt. In this case, it sounds like you need to apologize to and forgive yourself. It’s your feelings that are hurting, not theirs.

And that’s okay, ya know. It’s okay to realize that although you married your hunny, there was still something missing for you. It’s okay to mourn the decision you didn’t make (having a wedding with those people present). And it’s okay to talk with your Darling Husband about your feelings and find out what he would think of a future vow renewal with your nearest and dearest.

Post # 12
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@happyday5:  Awe OP ((HUGS!)). I am so sorry you feel this way but think the vow renewal would be a great idea to get the closure you need.

Post # 13
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Hippos:  I have the same question. Why did you elope? Was it something you thought you wanted and now regret? 

I second the vow renewal. You can’t go back in time to not elope, might as well make the most of it now. 

Post # 14
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@happyday5:  I do understand the rocky family thing. Mr. LK’s family was quite upset when his Uncle eloped 15 years ago. They STILL talk about it. :rolls eyes: Some families can get really worked up over it. If that is the case with yours, then, by all means, apologize and help them understand that you never meant to slight them. Maybe even go so far as to explain why you DID choose to elope, if that helps the situation. Just remember that you cannot please everyone, no matter what decision you did or did not make in life. Someone will always have something negative to say. So if they want to keep harping on it after you’ve apologized, then it’s their issue, not your issue.

Post # 15
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@happyday5:  What’s done is done.

I assume you eloped for a number of reasons. Can you look back on what those reasons were?

For example, I plan on eloping. Sure, part of me is a little sad that I won’t have an actual wedding, but I think it’s for the best. I have a tiny immediate family. I have no cousins or relatives within 3,000 miles. Neither does my SO. Neither of us are the party type or like to be the centre of attention amongst a group of people. My mom has made it clear that she just isn’t into weddings. Since I was a little girl she kept saying “I don’t know why people don’t just elope!”. I feel like the only way to have it stress-free is just to elope. I don’t want to force anyone to be there. Or for people to say it’s awkward. Screw that.

You could plan a vow renewal in a few years, maybe for 5th anniversary? I am not sure how jazzed people are for the 1 yr vow renewals. You could ask around.

In the end, a wedding is a few hours. Have people expressed how much they wanted to be a part of your day? Or are you just wishing that they were there?

I don’t know how many people get ridiculously excited to go to weddings. I don’t. It never means the same to others as what it does to you. Don’t forget that now you’re envisioning things in a completely idealized way. Not many weddings are completely perfect. Most cost THOUSANDS and brides are left with regrets anyway.

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