Post # 1
My husband and I eloped 8 months ago. It was just us there…completely intimate and special. There was no stress at all. I have been processing our wedding a lot, and really am struggling. I wish my dad walked me down the isle. I wish my sisters were there to greet me when I walked up to meet my love. I wish I could have given my mom a big hug. I wish his grandmother and mother were there to witness the ceremony. I wish I got to dance with my dad.
My heart aches.
I love him dearly, but I feel a need to apologize to my family and his. I wish our family was there so badly. Thoughts?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
why don’t you have a vow renewal?
Post # 4
Have a small vow renewal with your parents, siblings and best friends?
Post # 5
@MeiFrancis: Good idea. I just am wondering if apologizing is apporpriate. I really feel strongly about it.
Post # 6
Plan a 1 year anniversary vow renewal! You’ve got a few months left to work it out 🙂
Post # 7
You could host a nice family get together to celebrate your marriage. Or maybe just host the families for Christmas for the first time as a new family? Or do a vow renewal. No point in stressing about what might have been. Think about the things that you would like to happen now and find a way to make that happen.
Post # 8
Maybe you can have another ceremony? Small and intimate, but with family and friends.
My friends eloped a few years ago in the month of Jan in their living room (lol) but then they had the church and reception wedding later on in the year so they could be surrounded my their family and friends.
…may I ask why you two decided to elope? Was it something you both wanted? Or was it driven by other things? Either way you can always have another ‘wedding’!
Post # 9
@Swizzle: Yes good idea. We have our reception in August, but still does not feel righht. Maybe a renewal of the vowels would be a good thing.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
You apologize if you’ve done something that causes another person’s feelings to be hurt. In this case, it sounds like you need to apologize to and forgive yourself. It’s your feelings that are hurting, not theirs.
And that’s okay, ya know. It’s okay to realize that although you married your hunny, there was still something missing for you. It’s okay to mourn the decision you didn’t make (having a wedding with those people present). And it’s okay to talk with your Darling Husband about your feelings and find out what he would think of a future vow renewal with your nearest and dearest.
Post # 11
@lovekiss: So true. My family is hurt though. Things are really rocky.
Post # 12
@happyday5: Awe OP ((HUGS!)). I am so sorry you feel this way but think the vow renewal would be a great idea to get the closure you need.
Post # 13
@Hippos: I have the same question. Why did you elope? Was it something you thought you wanted and now regret?
I second the vow renewal. You can’t go back in time to not elope, might as well make the most of it now.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
@happyday5: I do understand the rocky family thing. Mr. LK’s family was quite upset when his Uncle eloped 15 years ago. They STILL talk about it. :rolls eyes: Some families can get really worked up over it. If that is the case with yours, then, by all means, apologize and help them understand that you never meant to slight them. Maybe even go so far as to explain why you DID choose to elope, if that helps the situation. Just remember that you cannot please everyone, no matter what decision you did or did not make in life. Someone will always have something negative to say. So if they want to keep harping on it after you’ve apologized, then it’s their issue, not your issue.
Post # 15
@happyday5: What’s done is done.
I assume you eloped for a number of reasons. Can you look back on what those reasons were?
For example, I plan on eloping. Sure, part of me is a little sad that I won’t have an actual wedding, but I think it’s for the best. I have a tiny immediate family. I have no cousins or relatives within 3,000 miles. Neither does my SO. Neither of us are the party type or like to be the centre of attention amongst a group of people. My mom has made it clear that she just isn’t into weddings. Since I was a little girl she kept saying “I don’t know why people don’t just elope!”. I feel like the only way to have it stress-free is just to elope. I don’t want to force anyone to be there. Or for people to say it’s awkward. Screw that.
You could plan a vow renewal in a few years, maybe for 5th anniversary? I am not sure how jazzed people are for the 1 yr vow renewals. You could ask around.
In the end, a wedding is a few hours. Have people expressed how much they wanted to be a part of your day? Or are you just wishing that they were there?
I don’t know how many people get ridiculously excited to go to weddings. I don’t. It never means the same to others as what it does to you. Don’t forget that now you’re envisioning things in a completely idealized way. Not many weddings are completely perfect. Most cost THOUSANDS and brides are left with regrets anyway.
Post # 16
I truly appreciate all of the feedback. I think the hard part is my husband REALLY wanted to elope. I really wanted my family there, but due to some unfortunate events with my families actions (just being put down about wedding stuff), made my husband even more worked up and for eloping. I thought about it sought counsel, and agreed to elope. Yes the day was marvelous, but now remincing I just wish those things I described above. My parents have now come around, but my siblings (2 sisters and one brother) are still very hurt. I hate that and I wish I could go back in time and stand up for having my family there.