Elopement and Reception questions

posted 2 months ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

I’m eloping June 2020 and can share the following: 

How far apart in time were your destination elopements and your US receptions? 

We are planning our reception to occur 3-4 weeks after the elopement. We live in CA and are getting married in CO. From there, we are going on a 2-week honeymoon out of the country (destination TBD). When we come back, we want a week to settle in together, and then we will celebrate in the 4th week with family and friends. By then, we will have photos of the wedding and honeymoon to loop on a projector for all to see.

 When did you send out invitations for the reception? 

We are going to send out invitations for the reception the day after the wedding. The reception will be local for our family and friends, so they don’t need more than the 3-4 week notice. We are hosting on a Saturday during the summer months. I found lots of reception after elopement announcements on Etsy and will likely use one for the invite:

Examples:

  1.  https://www.etsy.com/listing/699851012/modern-elopement-reception-invitation?ref=user_profile&pro=1
  2. https://www.etsy.com/listing/712189119/mr-mrs-elopement-announcement-wedding?ref=user_profile&frs=1

What was your reception like?

A friend of ours has a 1/2 acre backyard that they agreed to let us use for the evening. We are bringing in tables, a bartender, a jumper with slide, large games like jenga, and if we get our way, a food truck that can pull in their driveway and serve guests.  We want things to be casual, inclusive of guests with kids, and relaxing with good food, music and a space for both sides of our family to mingle. I wanted to do away with the served dinner and table rounds where people tend to cluster with those they came with.

Feedback from close friends and family

Feedback on the elopement with the few family members we shared with has been met with resistance. In making our decision, the FH and I made a list of what was important for us on our special day. For us, it was maintaining cost, having each other, and doing something that suits us! For him, he also had 1 other thing – wanting his mother’s blessing to forgo a ceremony where she would not be present. She was more than supportive, so things moved along.

Our friends, they love us and are just excited for when we come back! They have been more than supportive and immediately stepped up to host my bridal shower, the reception, and support us in any way we need. Now I discuss my wedding day desires with them rather than family who are saddened they don’t get a massive party on my dime.

Post # 3
Member
13674 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If his family is very traditional, you need to be prepared for some serious resistance, since what you’re proposing is very untraditional.  

My family is also very traditional, and something like this would not fly. 

Post # 4
Member
8449 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I do wish you luck with his family. I am assuming you want a private ceremony because of being self conscious and shy of having a big ‘audience ‘ as it were? I’m sure people who know you well will understand, including your own family. 

His, apart from being traditional, will not only hate it that they can’t see their son married, but wonder why you don’t mind being the focus of a big party , but not of a wedding ceremony. So l would craft a good case for yourselves re this aspect.

 

lilkiwi123 :  

Post # 5
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

elderbee :  JiminyCricket :  are correct. To add, the two of you will need be a united front and 1000% sure of your position when approaching the family about elopement. Work on your arguments and be sure neither will waiver!

Our arguments were:

1. We don’t want to begin our marriage drowning in debt

2. The average wedding for 50 people is about $30,000 these days -note, most family members who will oppose we’re  married YEARS ago. They may be disconnected to today’s price. 

3. We really tried to find something and received quotes from [insert a few venues you reached out to]. The lowest quote was for $20,000 for 50 people (this was real), and it just doesn’t seem to be the best use of money.

4. We would be more than willing to attend whatever wedding or reception you wish to host in our honor.

5. We are open to setting up an account for family to deposit $$. However, the account would need to reach $10,000 in the next 3 months to reserve our date —now, we knew good and well our family was not going to pool $10,000, so this was a safe argument. Tread lightly if this is not the case for you.

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