(Closed) Elopement: Bring HIS Family?

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: Who should come to the elopement?
    Let his family come : (4 votes)
    12 %
    Let no one come if my family can't come : (23 votes)
    68 %
    Don't elope and try to save for a big wedding : (7 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1925 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    You can’t just invite his family and not yours.  He really needs to understand that.  Plus, it’s not really an elopement if family is there, right?  Why not just have a small wedding with just immediate family?

    Post # 4
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @KristenAnderson:  Having just one side of the family doesn’t sound right! I think your Fiance is being a bit selfish… (sounds like he’s the bride..lol) Would be possible to have a very small intimate wedding instead? Maybe at someone’s home in the gardens? 

    I’m personally have a small wedding up in Blue Mountains, Sydney with only 20 guests. Basically we get 10 on each side for the guests list, not including our parents.

    Maybe you can just elope at the courthouse and have just the “parents” of both sides there. Afterwards anyone else who wants to join can all go for lunch or dinner. (perhaps everyone pay for their own meal deal)?

    I really wish you won’t be stressed… elopement or wedding…doesn’t matter. You’re a bride and you should be happy.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We’re eloping next month and no one is invited.  Both his parents and my father have passed and I would love to have my mother and my brother and his family there but my Fiance doesn’t have a very good relationship with his siblings so he would have no one.  On top of that we live in MD but are eloping in VA so we would have to set up lodging for guests.  I’m an “I don’t want to plan this nonsense” kind of girl, which is exactly why we’re eloping, so I don’t want to deal with that. 

    My family wants to be there but they understand that we want the day to ourselves.  We’ve hired a photographer to be there so we can share the ceremony with our friends without all the hassle.  🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

    Well, I think you both need to compromise. If you get married at the courthouse with just the two of you, then he is giving up everything he wants (the big wedding and having his family there), but I agree that you certainly shouldn’t just invite his side of the family. That’s not fair to your side.

    Is there any way you can pick a date that works for both of your extended families? That way, you still get the small simple ceremony that you want and can afford, but your families can be included, which sounds like it’s important to your Fiance.

    I also want to add that I don’t think you should hold it against your Fiance if it’s easier for his family to come to your wedding because they’re in town. A lot of DH’s extended family couldn’t come to our wedding because they live all over the country and they couldn’t travel to California, while almost everyone in my entire family came because they all live in California. If you invite your family but it’s not possible for everyone to come, I don’t think that should necessarily preclude your FI’s family from being invited and attending your wedding.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @KristenAnderson:  Hmmm is there any chance that you could go to a courthouse somewhere in the middle?  Or have a small reception or party to make it a little more ‘worth the drive’?  Even if you just have cake and drinks for everyone and spend the evening together?

    Post # 12
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

    @KristenAnderson:  Can you pick a new date for your elopement that works for both of your families? It’s great that you’ve compromised a lot already, but if having family there is important to your Fiance, I think it would be wonderful to try to make that happen.

    And for what it’s worth, my Darling Husband and I were very similar to you and your Fiance. I wanted a small elopement, he wanted a big wedding. Every step of the wedding planning process required us to talk through what both of us wanted and try to find a way to compromise. This may sound like a negative thing, but it was actually incredibly healthy for us. We were working together, listening to each other, and trying to create a wedding that both of us could enjoy and be happy with. And what we got in the end was exactly that. I don’t think back on our wedding and think of all of compromises I made or things I gave up. I think of how wonderful everything about that day was and how my Darling Husband and I turned a situation that could have put us at odds into one that challenged us and helped us to grow as a couple.

    I just wanted to tell you a bit of my story to give you some hope for your planning process. 🙂 At the beginning, Darling Husband and I didn’t know how we would get through it all because we wanted such different things. But working together and compromising ended up being an extremely positive experience, and it did wonderful things for our relationship.

    Post # 13
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @KristenAnderson:  I thought an elopement was just supposed to be you and your FI?  Like PPs have said, he needs to be able to compromise with you because having his family there and not yours isn’t fair.  If the date is so important for you, you may have to compromise on allowing him to have guests there if yours can’t make it.  Or, compromise on the date and have both families there. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee

    If you want a small wedding, could you deal with just inviting parents and siblings/spouses? That might solve his issue. You would have to change the date and the place, unfortunately.

    If you want an elopment, then he’s got to understand you can’t invite anyone. It will be just yourselves.

    I like simplegifts’ suggestions: “Hmmm is there any chance that you could go to a courthouse somewhere in the middle?  Or have a small reception or party to make it a little more ‘worth the drive’?  Even if you just have cake and drinks for everyone and spend the evening together?”

     

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    1186 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    If you are even considering having 20 people at your ceremony that is 6-10 months in the future, it is not an elopement in any sense of the word. 

    If you are going to invite more than 2 witnesses, you should have some sort of reception (even a dinner out after a courthouse ceremony) and thus plan it for a date your mom can attend.  So my option is to have something small that you can afford!

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