(Closed) Elopement Gift Etiquette??

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You could set up a small registry for anyone who directly asks for it, but I wouldn’t stick it in the invite or anything!

Post # 4
1699 posts
Bumble bee

I always take with a grain of salt the argument that “we have everything we need.” If you do, you are very, very lucky. I myself have been running my own household for four decades, not four years, and I still “need” that sterling silver tea five-piece tea service that I have never quite gotten around to acquiring. But be that as it may: the proper answer for a bride returning from an elopement is the same as the proper answer for a bride not returning from an elopement, and is true even if she has NOT lived together for four years and purchased a house: “We truly do not want anything except your company.”

Let your guest insist if he truly wants to give you a gift — and even then you do not need to play the child on Santa’s knee. A clever guest will notice the china pattern you are using and that you do not yet have a soup tureen — and give that. Or, he will know — because he is your friend — that your and your husband share a passion for geocaching and give you a really nice compass, or that you and your husband love clogging, and give you the latest clogging music CD collection. Or whatever. And if he cannot find any inspiration, and if he comes from a culture where cash gifts are not considered insulting and unrefined, he will give you cash. And you will have saved your self-respect by not asking for it.

Post # 5
730 posts
Busy bee

@aspasia475: Sure, anyone can think of things they “need,” as you put it, but not everyone has the space to store all these things. Some people live in small apartments.

“A clever guest will notice the china pattern you are using and that you do not yet have a soup tureen” LOL are you kidding me? That is probably the WASPiest, stuffiest thing I have ever heard.

Post # 6
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@aspasia475:  I’m pretty sure with family all around the world it will be difficult for them to know if she’s missing a soup tureen. I rarely pull out my china set when skyping with family overseas. 

Post # 7
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@CartersMum:  I’d set up a small registry somewhere and let your family spread the word. If people can’t find anything on it that they like, they can give you money.

Post # 8
1699 posts
Bumble bee

@lampshade:  The original poster does not live in a small apartment. She and her partner “bought a house together 3 years ago”. Also, some of the world’s best remaining china houses are in France, Egypt and Viet Nam; and I have Muslim and Francophone friends who lay a beautiful formal table, with or without soup tureens: soup and fine housewares are not limited to any particular ethnicity. But you are right, perhaps the original poster does not enjoy formal entertaining — although in my experience it is no more narrow an interest than, say, clogging or geocaching. The point is that friends and family, who have an interest in you, should be able to draw on that interest in order to identify the things in which you have an interest.

If a bride is expecting attendance from people all around the world who actually know nothing about her, to whom she has never offered hospitality when they came visiting from abroad for other people’s weddings and with whom in their skyping sessions they have never explored one anothers’ interests, then that bride has a far bigger etiquette problem than the risk of receiving multiple toasters. The original post in no way suggested that the original poster was in that difficult position.

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