Elopement Questions

posted 8 months ago in Elopement
Post # 2
3533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I think it’s best you tell them about the elopement ahead of time, otherwise you’re forcing yourself into a position of having to either lie to or ignore people you love, which isn’t nice for anyone involved. 

If you think they’ll be upset by it or try to talk you out of it, then I’d hold off telling them until you have booked and paid for at least part of it, that way it is clear that you’ve already decided and are not open to discussion about it. 

Of course, if you’re not sure about it then discussing it with the family might not be a bad idea, depending on what the dynamic is like between you. I know if my fiance and I decide to go that way we will probably talk about it with our families and involve them in the decision, but that’s because we are fortunate to both have parents who respect our autonomy and do not push their wants and beliefs on us. They’re great sounding boards because they will only give advice and opinions that are asked for. 

Post # 3
9736 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’d choose to elope much sooner and not tell anyone beforehand. If that’s out of the question then I don’t think you can really get away with not saying anything. People will be asking you and it’s just going to raise more questions if you don’t give any answers for over a year. So I would just be honest and tell them what your plans are – to have a private ceremony next summer while on your honeymoon trip.

Post # 4
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

If you elope you usually don’t tell anyone in advance (especially family that wants to be potentially involved with planning/attending the wedding). It’s like saying yea we’re doing this big thing but you aren’t invited and they get to stew on it for close to a year. 

I think in your case doing a small intimate wedding (maybe just close family and friends only) and having your dream honeymoon is the best path if you don’t want to be caught up in the family drama. 

All that said, we eloped and even though we are still dealing with the fallout a year later from some people-we would do it again. 

Post # 5
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location


We got married just the two of us. It was a combined 3-week wedding/honeymoon trip as you’ve described.

It was planned (so much effort to coordinate) and not a secret from friends or family. No one was offended, they know our personalities and that a traditional wedding was never an option.

We had a party after to celebrate, super casual – basically dinner and open bar at a pub (also planned ahead, we sent invites and reserved the private room). No speeches, no dancing, etc. It was fun! 

Coordinating a wedding from another country was complicated. I was up at weird times making phone calls, sending important documents in the post, and paying vendors via paypal.

Let me know if you have any questions!

Post # 6
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

We eloped in January. We had originally been telling people “we’ll probably just run over to the courthouse at some point” as that was what we figured we’d do. But because of circumstances we decided to fly away and do it instead. So no one was expecting a big wedding and so it was easy to elope and tell them afterwards. 

ETA: We were engaged for less than a year because we didn’t have any reason to wait so that made it easier too. No one really ever asked questions after I said courthouse. 

Post # 7
18 posts
  • Wedding: June 2018

We eloped last year. Engaged in April, married by June. I don’t know what your circle/community is like but I live in a particularly religious community and people asked about my wedding plans All. The. Damn. Time. We told my parents and his mom, that’s it. It became quite exhausting withholding the truth from everyone I knew. So depending on your situation, I’d either elope sooner rather than later and not tell anyone (or very select people), or let people know what you are doing next year but be very firm and confident with your decision when you tell them. 

Post # 9
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

ByCandlelight :  UK from Canada! Scotland specifically. It’s a huge pain not gonna lie. Lots of paperwork. Let me know if you have any questions! 

Post # 11
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

ByCandlelight :  I started on the gov.uk website under marriage visitor visa. Then went to the registrar’s website of the county in which we were getting married and was able to arrange the details for the ceremony.

Keep in mind that to get married in England you must have a permanent address there. Not necessary for Scotland. 

From Canada the whole process cost about $1000 which I wasn’t prepared for. Between the visa application and all the licenses and fees that’s what it came to. In your visa you have togivelots of detail and send in all yoirold passports, bank statements, lots of personal info. You also have to do an interview. Luckily I live in a city with a UK visa office, some people in the waiting room had to fly in or drive 6 hours.

Anyway start on the visa website, there’s a checklist and everything you need is there just make sure to read over all the documents super carefully. Oh and you can only do it 90 days before your wedding date! Pretty stressful that we had everything else booked but didn’t actually know if I’d be approved to legally marry in the country 😂

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