Post # 1
My Fiance and I are having issues with our very short guest list and I’m looking for advice from you lovely ladies (and lads if they’re out there).
We were planning on eloping with just two friends (and their spouses) present. We told both of our parents about this. My parents understood (were disappointed and bummed still) but, his parents were very upset. We agreed to allow our parents to be there to placate everyone. Of course, this doubled our guest list. My grandmother (91 y/o) has to come if my parents come because she lives with them and it would be rude to leave her at home. His grandparents are not in good shape, do not live with his parents and are not invited.
My SIL is a professional photographer (photographers were going to charge around $2K for our ten minute ceremony and that was just crazy for us) and I hired her to take photos at the wedding. This opened a new can of worms. My mother told me that if my SIL came, even as hired help, I had to invite my brother. This would then mean we would have to invite his brother and his SIL (they have a young daughter) and it’s getting a little out of hand from our intentional elopement.
HELP! What should I do?
Post # 2
My thoughts: just because your mother says you have to, doesn’t mean you have to! Don’t compromise what you want to placate your mother; I’m sure your brother will understand. You could always call him and explain, “SIL is coming as a hired photographer, and I’m already uncomfortable with the number of people who are now coming. Please understand…etc”. That way, you can tell your mother NO, and even back it up with the fact that you’ve discussed it with bro and everyone is on the same page except her.
Post # 3
Oh Bee…I feel for you.
If you want to elope, go back to your original plan of your friends. and then offer a dinner with the parents and grandma (and other family) at a later time?
I, too, wanted to elope but I ended up compromising and did a small wedding, immediate family and friends only and we had under 30 people with a restaurant reception.
Post # 4
I disagree with your mom. Your SIL is going to be working and is going to be paid and is therefor not a guest. That’s why people always advise against asking anyone on your guest list to work in any capacity – because that’s not what guests do.
Post # 5
I also agree that hiring your SIL does not make her a guest and you therefore are obligated to invite others. I honestly think that you’re not obligated to invite your grandma either. There are kid-free weddings out there. Are kids obligated to be invited just because the parents are? No. I find this situation comparable.
Invite your friends and your parents and let your SIL take pictures. The end. It sounds amazing. 🙂