Elopement turned small wedding guest list help

posted 11 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My thoughts: just because your mother says you have to, doesn’t mean you have to! Don’t compromise what you want to placate your mother; I’m sure your brother will understand. You could always call him and explain, “SIL is coming as a hired photographer, and I’m already uncomfortable with the number of people who are now coming. Please understand…etc”. That way, you can tell your mother NO, and even back it up with the fact that you’ve discussed it with bro and everyone is on the same page except her. 

Good luck!

Post # 3
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Oh Bee…I feel for you.

If you want to elope, go back to your original plan of your friends. and then offer a dinner with the parents and grandma (and other family) at a later time?

I, too, wanted to elope but I ended up compromising and did a small wedding, immediate family and friends only and we had under 30 people with a restaurant reception.

Post # 4
2513 posts
Sugar bee

I disagree with your mom. Your SIL is going to be working and is going to be paid and is therefor not a guest. That’s why people always advise against asking anyone on your guest list to work in any capacity – because that’s not what guests do. 

Post # 5
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I also agree that hiring your SIL does not make her a guest and you therefore are obligated to invite others. I honestly think that you’re not obligated to invite your grandma either. There are kid-free weddings out there. Are kids obligated to be invited just because the parents are? No. I find this situation comparable.

Invite your friends and your parents and let your SIL take pictures. The end. It sounds amazing. 🙂

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