- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
So I’ve been engaged for awhile to a wonderful guy. I’ve thought it through carefully, and I feel that we are right for each other and compatible in the most important ways (i.e., values, personal beliefs, money, kids, affection, etc.). Once we told our friends, they were estatic and were all supportive.
The problem…our families. We haven’t told them. Both of us come from divorced families. His mother loves me, and I think she suspects that we are engaged, or at least thinking about it. I haven’t met his father (and from the sounds of it, I don’t want to, he has a tendecy to hit on women younger than him). The divorce happened nearly ten years ago, but his mother still can’t bear to be around her ex-husband or his new family. I’m not sure how his father feels about the situation. However, I know that he would be offended if he wasn’t invited. My fiance doesn’t really want him there, but he doesn’t want there to be more tension than there already is. His mother and the rest of her family would be horrified if his father showed up to the wedding. He is completley torn.
Now my family. My parents are also divorced. My father was an abusive alcoholic. I was mostly spared, because I stayed out of his way, but my siblings were horribly abused. he’s currently in jail for sexual assault. My mother didn’t divorce him until the investigation, but she had confided in me that they had been having problems for years. I have forgiven her for not stepping in when she should have with my siblings and protecting them, but there is still some amount of distrust with her that I can’t help but harbor. What’s worse is that my father’s siblings fully support him, think my mother is wrong in divorcing him, but still expect the lines of communication to be open between them. Needless to say, I don’t want my father’s family at my wedding.
My main issue is we were talking about getting married in two years (some things we want to have in order before we tie the knot). The problem is my father may be let out early. So there is a chance he may find out. And like I said earlier, I dont completley trust my mother. After my sister told her she didn’t want him at her lacrosse games (after the divorce, but before his prison sentencing) she gave him the schedule and showed up at every single game. She also had us meet with him before he left for jail, even though we didn’t want to (remember, this wasn’t drug charges, this was sexual assault). If he gets out before our wedding, how can I trust she won’t tell him?
So my main question, given our situation, are we just better off with elopement? Other reasons why I’ve considered: I don’t want to go dress shopoing with 10 different people (it just seems to happen if you get married, every female you know wants to go), and I’m just really cheap 😀
Thoughts? Sorry it was long.