Post # 1
I had previously decided to have a wedding with all of our family, but have now decided against it. Truthfully there’s very few family members on my side that i’m close to, and Fiance doesn’t care about a big wedding. I also hate planning and found it just too stressful. So after months of wedding planning we have decided to just elope. Well sort of.
We’re doing a “planned elopement with family”. We found a bed and breakfast out in the country that has small wedding packages, which includes flowers, cake, and photography. I’ll be wearing a wedding dress. Our guests will include only our immediate family—my mom, my dad and his wife, and fiance’s parents, siblings (and their spouses) and nieces and nephews.
Here’s my dilemma….i do have a stepsister. Absolutely no relationship with her at all. Even after 20 years she and I have barely spoken in that time other than obligated family events. We are basically strangers that see eachother once a year at Christmas. Should I invite her since we’re inviting Fiance’s siblings? I know my stepmother would throw a fit if her daughter isn’t invited. I already have to include my stepmother who i also have a pretty nonexistent relationship. I really want my wedding to include mostly people that we are close to.
My stepmother has already called me selfish and cold for doing an elopement with just immediate family and said how all of our extended family will be mad if we don’t invite them, especially cause so many of them are on my Facebook. My stepmother is a very in your face person who loves to be the center of attention, whereas i am so incredibly shy and introverted, the more i thought about having a bigger wedding the more nervous i got. I just didn’t think i could handle a big wedding. I knew i would be shaking and my face turning red. I have a lot of social anxiety, but that didn’t matter to my stepmother that a full wedding made me uncomfortable, she feels everyone should have a big huge wedding and basically fund a family reunion. I am glad I am doing the elopment with immediate family only. Who cares if she doesn’t like it. Last I checked this was my wedding, and not hers and whats so funny is she had the exact same type of wedding when she married my dad as their wedding only included immediate family of 20 people or less (oh but that was different cause it was a 2nd wedding). I can only imagine the drama my stepmother would cause if i had had a bigger wedding. She’s very insecure probably due to the fact that she and i don’t have much of a relationship either. I also only see her once or twice a year with no communication in between. But the times i am around her she loves to put on a show for relatives acting like we’re close, and i guess with me not having a wedding she doesn’t have that opportunity.
Oh well, she’s the only one that has said nasty things about my wedding. My mom, dad, and all of fiance’s family support our decision. Plus our entire wedding will cost under $4,000 so we’ll be able to go on a fabulous honeymoon. I’ve seen so many of my friends basically go into debt for a wedding, and thats not just worth it for me for just 1 day.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t invite her if you aren’t close and have no relationship then screw your step mom its your wedding invite who you want.
Post # 4
What I really think you should do is say F this stepmother, in fact I hope if her daughter isn’t invited she chooses to stay home. Talk to your Dad first then decide, if you think he would support you go for it.
Post # 5
@Allie99: It’s your wedding and you don’t technically have to invite anyone you don’t want to invite. Your step-mom sounds difficult and clearly she won’t be happy unless you do everything exactly as she sees fit, so screw her vision and do what you want! Most likely she’ll get over it and if she doesnt, oh well.
Post # 6
I think you are right that unless i do everything stepmom’s way she won’t be happy. And its not like my stepsister even cares about my family. When my grandmother (dad’s mom) died she didn’t even attend the funeral, and most family get togethers growing up all she did was complain she had to be there. She’s made it clear she doesn’t like family get togethers, and she rarely comes anymore. Yet my stepmother complains that nobody in my family has reached out to her daughter. How can we when she avoids us all the time. I do think not inviting her is the best thing to do. Lots of people elope, and families get over it and the most important thing to me is that i don’t have a panic attack on my wedding day which i feel i would have even if i had 50 guests. We’ve narrowed the guest list down to 15 guests to include fiance and my immediate families and thats enough people in my opinion. If I were to truly elope I wouldn’t invite anyone. Stepmom is highly sensitive when it comes to her daughter and has lashed out at me in the past because of her daughter. She never cared how rudely her daughter treated me. There’s really no hope of stepmom and i ever getting close, so maybe not inviting her daughter would get her to not come. I would love that. My dad sees the lack of relationships (although he’s done nothing about it for decades), and I believe he’d still come to my wedding even if his wife doesn’t. Dad might try to persuade me to invite my stepsister, but i truly feel he’d only be doing that cause of his wife, not cause he cares if she and i ever have a relationship. But when my stepmother doesn’t get her way, she makes my dad’s life absolutely miserable.
Stepmom and I do come from very different family backgrounds which is why we differ so much. She comes from a family that gets together almost every weekend, they all have huge weddings, and every event in someone’s life (dance recital, soccer game, birthday, graduation, ect) the entire extended family will get together. I come from a family where its usually just immediate family that celebrates those milestones. I do not dislike my family, but we are not joined at the hip like my stepmother is with her family. I see my extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins usually once a year for a family reunion, and maybe a few other times throughout the year. She sees her siblings, nieces, and nephews on a weekly basis. Thats very different than the way things are on both my mom and my dad’s sides of the family. Same with my fiance. He cares for his brother, sister, and nieces and nephews but he isn’t going to every soccer game the kids have like my stepmother does with her family. So because of the way she is, she sees me as selfish for not including everyone. Oh well. Not her decision. Hopefully she’ll be so offended i won’t invite her daughter she won’t come. That would be the best gift she could ever give me.