(Closed) Elopers and DW brides: did you (or will you) have shower?

posted 8 years ago in Elopement
Post # 17
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We eloped and there was no shower.  I specifically said that I didn’t want one.  We’re both in our 40s and had our own homes.  I thought it would be tacky to have a shower when we didn’t need or want anything. 

Post # 18
2093 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

A family member and a close friend have both asked to throw me a shower, so that’s two for me… I feel really blessed! But everyone knows we are planning just us. 

Post # 19
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well, I guess I am unlike a lot of you.  I am having a destination wedding at Disney World in June and I am having a shower in April.

Right after we got engaged, one of my FMIL’s best friends told me she wanted to throw me a shower.  She, and two other lovely ladies I know, are hosting it.  I never mentioned needing/wanting a shower, and I think it would have been really rude to tell these ladies that I didn’t want one.  I feel extremely blessed by their generosity.

As far as who is invited… I am inviting people who are not coming to the ceremony to my shower. 

This is because I believe my aunts would be very upset if they missed out on something like this.  Also, though they will not be attending the ceremony, I do not feel that any of my family or friends are bitter about it.

Everyone has been extremely involved in planning and helping with our reception, which will occur only 9 days after our Destination Wedding ceremony.

Though traditional etiquette would say I am going about everything in the wrong way, I believe different things work for different people. 🙂


Post # 20
34 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

We engaged but decided to elope.  My mom wants to throw me a shower but I declined, it just felt kinda weird when none of the shower guests would be attending my wedding.  My friends seem pretty intent on throwing me a bachelorette party but I’ll probably decline that too.  Since they seem so eager I’m thinking we could instead do some sort of girls night/weekend instead that is unrelated to me getting hitched.


Post # 21
3173 posts
Sugar bee

We are having a small, family only wedding. If someone wanted to throw me a shower, I am fine with that but there’s no way I would do it myself – that would be tacky, right? I would want to be involved as little as possible too.

Post # 22
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am getting married, just my Fiance and me on a cruise ship and then planning a family-only dinner afterward.

I found out that my mom and sister were planning a surprise shower for me and invited people who aren’t invited to the dinner. It caused a little friction because then my mom asked if I could invite all of these people to the dinner afterward. I told her no–we had a specific guest list and unfortunately it couldn’t be added to.

Then I felt like I had to tell them to cancel the shower due to the fact that there were people coming to that who weren’t invited to the wedding, but then I said, screw it. They’re getting a nice lunch at the shower.

Post # 23
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am having a very small Destination Wedding and an AHR once we get back. I think that my family will be throwing me a shower. Since we are having a AHR I think it is ok for them to come to the shower too. 

Post # 24
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I discussed this quite a bit with the family & other significant people around me because I had several people offering to throw us showers. The general concensus was that as long as they were invited to the at-home reception we are having, it was okay to invite them to a shower. (The exception was a reception being thrown for me at work or church. Where we work/attend, these are pretty common and we don’t expect to be invited to the wedding necessarily… there are jus tway too many people in our department and we just want to celebrate life events with each other.) Here is how it broke down:

75 people invited to wedding (40-50 coming)

120 people invited to at-home reception

3 showers: 1 for work (50+ people), 1 with church/bride’s family, 1 with friends coming to party

This was just what we came up with. I would feel a little weird if we weren’t having the parties back at home, though. I feel that that would come across as “gift grabby.”

Post # 25
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My friend spontaneously eloped and her mom threw her a shower afterwards. No one complained. 

They had an at-home reception like 6 months later and I’m pretty sure everyone who was invited to the shower was invited to that. 

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