Post # 1
I’m basically sobbing over here after watching Dorie’s picnic elopement video. For the year and a half my Fiance and I have been engaged so far and planning a relatively formal wedding, we haven’t wanted to do this. This wedding is just too much for us. To others, our wedding is small as it is which is only 60 people and minimal. But to us, it is already over the top. We would have loved for it to just be him and me somewhere special, saying our vows together without anyone else around. Problem is, our wedding is already planned and almost paid off entirely. It is coming up in May and there is no way we can cancel it. We (my family, FI’s family and us) would lose so much money out of it and everyone would be so disappointed.
However, I was thinking that maybe my Fiance and I can have a secret elopement before. There is a reservation near our house that we love to go to almost year round to have picnics, go hiking, bike riding, or just spending time together. We’ve had so many special moments there and I think it would be magical to say “I do” there.
Do you think this is possible? If we go through with it, would we keep a secret forever and not tell anyone? Or would we eventually let people know? Or just tell them right away? Would the elopement ruin the ceremony that we have in May?
Post # 3
@mylittleviolett: If it’s going to help you and your Fiance feel more comfortable on your big day, I say go for it. As for telling others, you have to follow your gut. I would probably say keep it a secret until after the wedding though. When my husband and I eloped we had a three month waiting period before we told anyone. It was fun to have a little secret to share.
To be honest, my biggest fear on our elopement day was that we would end up having a crowd of random hikers who stopped by to watch. I thought marriage was such an intimate moment that I didn’t want anyone else there. But, when it finally came time to exchange vows, there could have been a thousand people there and I wouldn’t have noticed another soul. My eyes were locked on my husband’s and he’s all that mattered.
Post # 4
@mylittleviolett: I think its considered a private ceremony, not an elopement if you have a wedding still. My friend just did that. if you want to go for it. I would tell your parents at least though. It would kill my mom not to see my actual i do’s.
Post # 5
I have good friends who married before the big day. This was about 15 years ago, they are 40 now. Her mother was taking over everything and nothing was how they wanted. They ended up eloping at the courthouse, grabbed some wildflowers from the ditch, they were both in their jeans.
I have to say it created a huge shit storm for her family. They hated the husband for putting this idea in her head and the ILs relationship has been sour for 15 years. He over heard the Father-In-Law say some rude things about him at the formal wedding, so there’s grudges on either side!
That’s kind of dramatic if you ask me, but the only story I know of related to what you want to do.
What would be the goal? To reclaim something that is yours? Would repeating your vows to each other while on your honeymoon give the same effect? Could you repeat your vows at the reservation on your anniversary every year? Just trying to think of ways that would work with what you already have.
Who is the person you have hired to marry you for May 19th? You could pose some logistical issues here if you are legally married. Then the officiant would have to do a symbolic ceremony and that depends on the officiant. So no license signing on the day of the formal wedding. Just trying to consider the logistics involved.
Post # 6
@sienna76: Thank you for giving me all of this insight. But I brought up the idea with my Fiance and he didn’t think it was possible. He thinks it would be too deceitful and it would be disrespectful. He would like it if it was our only ceremony but he doesn’t get the point of having two separate ceremonies. I saw the other ceremony as a way to have the ceremony really about us and no one us. I feel like this wedding is turning into something we are not and it’s bothering me. But I guess there isn’t anything we can do about it now….