- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
We’re recently engaged, and have always wanted an intimate wedding- close, close friends and family only, followed by a bbq-type celebration for extended family (for our parents’ sake).
My problem is this: My biological mother and I have a complicated relationship (whenever I say ‘parents,’ I’m referring to my dad and step-mom, who raised me). My bio-mom is absent except for moments like weddings, where she has the opportunity to enjoy the perks of motherhood. Frankly, I’m not comfortable having her in my house, let alone having her at my wedding ceremony.
That said, excluding her would create a huge controversy, and potentially create problems with people I care deeply for, such as my younger brother, who is close with her.
Our solution was to turn the family BBQ celebration into a real wedding (it was always going to be a higher-end BBQ, with food truck caterers and a tent in a backyard), and invite our extended family, then go away for a weekend in the countryside with our parents, and elope, 7 weeks before the advertised ‘wedding date’.
Following the elopement, we would then send out our RSVP invites (save the dates would have gone out months before) with a small note announcing our marriage, and inviting everyone to still join us for the ‘celebration’.
The previously advertised ‘wedding’ would then simply become a BBQ where we eat, do some speeches, and dance with an ipod playlist. A reception, essentially.
My question is this: am I unnecessarily misleading my guests for want of a private legal ceremony? Should I be more up front with them about our plans, or simply stick to my plan of announcing our marriage and essentially turning the ‘backyard wedding’ I’d advertised in to a ‘backyard marriage celebration’? I feel like I’m giving them plenty of time, and to be clear, I am widely advertising that no gifts are expected, and have been since our engagement. My concern is mainly for the family members who are flying in.
Don’t mince words- I need to hear!