Post # 1
Has anyone else who’s eloping or having a very small destination wedding beed made to feel as though your wedding is less important or doesn’t need to be everything you want it to be just because it is only the two of you?
I mean with comments like, “Oh, it’s just the two of you, so you don’t need to make a big deal out of that” or “I don’t understand why you need a fancy gown if no one is going to be there.”
Am I the only one who has experienced this? Not that I’m hoping anyone else has been made to feel this way, but part of me would like to know I’m not the only one kind of hurt by these comments.
Post # 3
I wasn’t ever in this situation but I can see why it would definitely make you upset or hurt your feelings. What would I do? I would just tell them the truth. “It’s still my wedding–the only one I will ever get. I want it to be perfect, no matter who is there.”
Plus–the pictures are what you will remember and take home and why not make them beautiful!?
Post # 4
I’ve heard this a bunch. It’s yours, do it your way–that’s the right way.
People are insensitive about everything related to weddings whether you’re having a huge party, or eloping with just two witnesses. Try not to take their comments personally and do your wedding the way you want to do your wedding.
Post # 5
I am sorry people say stuff like that to you. People ARE really insensitive. I don’t think they understand how much a wedding (however big or small) means to those going through it. ellabee is right- people will be insensitive no matter what you try to do! Your wedding is no less important if it is two people. Maybe those making the comments are being passive-aggressive or jealous or hurt (because they would rather have you do it their way, maybe they wish they had done that). Maybe they just aren’t thinking about what they are saying. Let their rudeness stay with them, don’t take it in as personal or a reflection of your choices.
Post # 6
I’ve gotten to the point where those kinds of comment just roll off my back now. I half expect that from people I know, not because they want to be mean, but because they don’t understand.
What surprised me and what prompted me to start this thread was another Bee here on the forum made that kind of comment on another thread I started. I was shocked. I didn’t think anyone would make such a comment here where the importance of wedding is stressed so much.
I really appreciate all the support and kind words from everyone. Thank you!
Post # 7
wow, so sorry that people have said such insensitive things! that’s ridiculous, your wedding is just as important.
Post # 8
@Loribeth: I’m so sorry that you’ve had to listen to those remarks, they are so wrong and unnecessary! I haven’t personally experienced that situation, but I have a close friend who is getting married at the courthouse in February (his Fiance is from Chile, so they want to have their “big” wedding there when they can afford it) and he’s received some of the same comments you two have.
I completely disagree with what those people have said to you — it’s your WEDDING and regardless of how small it is, it is going to be one of (if not THE) most important day(s) of your life!! And it should be treated as such.
My friend is hiring a photographer & album, his Fiance is getting a beautiful wedding dress and veil, she’s carrying a bouquet and they’re doing a smaller dinner “reception” for close friends and family.
Try your best to ignore those snarky comments and realize that they probably just don’t understand the situation or how you may feel about it.
And this is just for you: CONGRATS! CONGRATS! CONGRATS! YOUR WEDDING DAY WILL BE BEAUTIFUL, SPECIAL, AND THE MOST EXCITING DAY EVER (regardless of how many guests or details there are) BECAUSE IT’S YOUR DAY!!
Post # 9
@indyJEEP: You just made me cry–in a good way. That’s soooo sweet! Thank you!
Post # 10
@finnaroo: Thank you! I like to think so.
Post # 11
My fiance and I are going to Hawaii and it will just be the two of us. I get insensitive comments too and even though I try not to let them bother me, they sometimes do. I didn’t have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party because my wedding, “isn’t a real wedding”. We are having a photographer and a videographer. I ordered a small cake for my fiance and I, i’m carrying a bouquet, and I’m wearing a “real” wedding dress, not just a destination dress. I figure it’s my wedding and whether I have 100+ people there or not, it shouldn’t matter. It’s my day. So, you aren’t the only one. We are both going to have wonderful special exciting days! No matter what anyone else says! =)
Post # 12
I actually got the opposite–“but you’re going to at least get a dress right?” “Are you getting flowers?” My crowd was excited for it!
But it totally sucks when people belittle your plans. The best revenge? Get a kickass photographer who will get you in all your glory on the beach at sunset (or on the Vegas strip or wherever you’re going). You’ll have a beautiful setting and the pictures will have an amazingly intimate vibe.
But here, I’LL do the asking, since I LOVE elopements!: What’s your dress going to look like? Are you going to get your hair done? What are you guys going to do after your ceremony–my friends who eloped hired a private chef to cook them dinner which sounded fabulous! Tell the Bees! We love details!
Post # 13
I can definitely relate, Loribeth.
We’re eloping because neither of us are keen on the stress and expense of planning a full wedding, and because most of FI’s family and friends are overseas, so few of them would be able to make it anyway. Also, I’ve dreamed of eloping since I was 16. I think it’s so fun and exciting to start our marriage while on an adventure! FI’s parents eloped when they got married, so Fiance and his parents also think it’s a great idea.
When we told my very good friend about our plans, she acted as though we’d just told her something terrible and tragic happened. I kept trying to explain to her that we want to elope and we’re actually really excited about it, and she kept shooting down our reasons and refusing to believe that we were actually happy. After about five minutes of this, I was like, seriously? Why am I defending myself to you??? She eventually apologized but it still stings when I think about it.
Post # 14
@ilovegaleharold: I’m sorry you’re getting snarky comments too, but part of me is glad I’m not alone, because it’s nice to know someone understands!!
I didn’t have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party either, and Jim didn’t get a bachelor party. But I was okay with that, because we don’t have a wedding party, I don’t know who would have thrown them anyway.
We’re having all the same things you’re having. Real wedding dress, tuxedo, cake, flowers… I want it to be beautiful for us.
But you’re right. We’re both going to have wonderful, fantastic weddings! We’ll have the wedding of our dreams, and they’ll be absolutely beautiful!
Post # 15
@JennyW1: I am so glad every one is being so supportive of your plans!!! Getting snarky comments really sucks.
Okay, since you asked!!!
This is me in my dress. It’s a Casablanca 1914, but I changed the neckline. I added a bit of lace, because it looked like it was falling down on my frame. I have my shoulders scrunched up, because I was standing on my tippy-toes.
This is the veil I’m going to wear. I made it last week. It was far easier to make than I expected.
I made this shawl to wear, in case it is a little cool.
And my jewelry… It’s vintage. I found the necklace and earrings at an estate sale this summer, and then I wnent on search to find the other matching pieces to create a grand parure.
We’re having an outdoor wedding in Savannah, GA. It will be at the Gastonian Inn. They have a fantastic elopement package. Venue, minister, cake, flowers, champagne toast, two nights stay, turn down service with rose petals and chocolate covered strawberries, all for only $1,099! Can you believe that deal?????
I contact the florist that does the flowers for the Gastonian, and I upgraded my bouquet. I’m having a large bouquet of ivory and pink roses.
Jim is wearing this tuxedo:
We have a kick-ass photographer too!
Okay, I’m really excited now for the next 10 days to hurry up!!!
Post # 16
@jayce: That was the basically the same reason we decided to elope. We didn’t want to deal with the stress of planning a wedding… Although, I have still do a lot of extra things to make it unique just for us.
My mom was the biggest objector to our plans. She was the first one who said “We don’t understand why you need a fancy dress for strangers.” I was quick to point out that I wasn’t wearing it for strangers. I was wearing it for Jim.
The last person who made comment was someone here on the Bee. She commented that there was no need to make a big production of giving the rings to the minister, because it was just the two of us… I couldn’t believe that. I responded by telling her that it hurt that she said that.
Good for you for standing up to your friend. I just don’t understand why some people can’t understand that every couple’s wedding is special.
I think what some people forget is that the wedding ceremony is not a show for the people invited. The ceremony is for the couple who are exchanging their vows.