Post # 1
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
FI and I are eloping. Only one of my friends knows. We were going to send out announcements after the wedding to share our good news. When my mom found out, she got mad and told me to not send any out to anyone she knows. She would be embarrassed and people would think they would have to get me a gift. Ummm. Noo… I just want to share the good news! Deep down, I truly think she doesn’t want anyone to know. I was g
oing to send out wedding announcements and then try and have a party at our house sometime so we can see and celebrate with people (haven’t seen my family since my grandma died and haven’t met FI’s. plus, no one has seen our new house) but I guess not. I feel hurt. I guess I’ll just update my FB status, I sure hope that doesn’t offend people by making me look gift grabby! Lol.
Post # 2
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
Do you plan on inviting everyone over to your housewarming? You could say something like help us celebrate our new union and home. Have people stop by open house style for a few hours on a sunday or something. Just have snacks and drinks set out or something. I don’t think that is gift grabby.
Post # 3
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
I can understand definitely being excited and wanting to share the news, but maybe your mum is worried that by sending out an announcement after you elope that family/friends may feel left out and hurt by the fact there wasn’t a wedding or they weren’t invited to your elopement. I’m not sure if this is the reason but it’s something that I have heard of.
A good friend of mine travelled overseas and eloped, only telling her parents a few days before they got married. Her mum didn’t want announcements personally sent out because she would have liked for her daughter to have a wedding with family and friends, and it made her feel like family would think they were cheap and nasty for not hosting a wedding for their daughter. Maybe your mum is worried people will get the wrong idea or that people who would have loved to have been there would be offended.
Like I said I’m not sure if that is so but it could be the case, but it isn’t her decision to make.
Post # 4
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
partyplanner83: no, we weren’t planning a housewarming party. I don’t think anyone would make the drive for that (only 45 min to an hour)
MrsBlackCat: no one would be hurt there’s no wedding. We are eloping bc sadly, no one in our life cares. So maybe that’s reason to not even let anyone know. I just thought it would be nice to announce it since we couldn’t have a real wedding and I’m still sad no one cares. It was just one little thing that made me feel ‘normal’. It sucks to have two peoples families who aren’t close and don’t care not just about a marriage but not about either one of us as people. it would just be nice to get these people together since we never see each other and it would be nice to meet FI’s Fam just once. (Only met Mom and grandma).
Post # 5
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
JazzyGirl85: That is so sad 🙁 I’m sorry to hear that, I am sure some people do really care though! Maybe you should ask your mum what her problem is with the wedding announcement thing if her opinion is important to you. I really liked partyplanner83: ‘s idea of a housewarming/we’re married party. That would be a really nice way to announce that you’re married. In the end though it is up to you and you should do what makes you and FI happy.
Post # 6
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
JazzyGirl85: You might be surprised. An hour isn’t really a big deal. I would just get some invites printed on vistaprint or something. Put an RSVP date on there and mail them out to whoever you feel comfortable inviting. Or follow your orig. plan.
Just because you eloped doesn’t mean you can’t share the news. I know people say no one will care as much as you do…but this sounds extreem. Sounds like your mom kinda sucks…way to make it all about her. Do what you and your FI want to do, it is your joy to share…Not your mother’s choice. She should be embarrased for not caring about your marriage/wedding.
Post # 7
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I’m actually confused now. Aren’t wedding announcements a “thing?”
If they’re not to announce the wedding to people who weren’t invited, what are they for? Where are the etiquette pros?
Post # 8
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
prahajess: These aren’t heard of from where I am from but it could be a ‘thing’ in other countries. May I ask (because I am really not sure) why wedding announcements are sent out? Here people are either invited to the wedding and that is pretty final, or if people elope they just have a party or dinner later on
Post # 9
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
If you want to announce your marriage, just send them out. Why do you care if your mom wants you to? Is she paying for them?
Post # 10
Member
2809 posts
Sugar bee
send them out anyway. your mom is being stupid. if you want to send them, send them. her “embarrassment” is not your problem. a marriage should be announced. therefore, you should send them. and enjoy it!
Post # 11
Member
4042 posts
Honey bee
I sent out announcements 36 years ago. They were mostly to people we knew couldn’t attend, lived far away, etc. We did get a few gifts in return, but that wasn’t the purpose. We didn’t send them for my 1st daughter’s wedding (250 invited), but the MOG may send them for the 2nd, as she wanted to invite over 100 church friends, and the venue only holds 110 total. I vote to send them out by yourself, to whoever you want to send them to. It isn’t your mother issuing the announcement, so who cares?
Post # 12
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
JazzyGirl85: You should still send them! Looking back you will probably regret it if you don’t as its something you wanted originally. Plus i think you should announce it!! You and your FI are happy and should tell the world! Posting on FB seems anticlimactic..
If she is worried it will look gift gabby you can always put something on the bottom like “gifts are not necessary thank you for your support!” maybe?
Post # 13
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
sarals24: I care bc she’s a huge bitch about everything and I don’t want to hear it the rest of my life! She’ll find out and bitch, bitch, bitch, forever. We only invited her to our ceremony bc we would hear the rest of our lives how horrible of a daughter I was for not inviting her. She is part of the reason we cancelled our wedding to elope. And she’s still complaining about everything! I can’t take it. getting married was never about me and my FI. I think she’s so mad bc she wanted some huge, elaborate wedding to brag about. However, neither me nor FI have much family and we can count our number of friends on one hand. Also, she would never pay what a big, elaborate wedding costs. So, it wasn’t going to happen anyway! Ahhh!
Post # 14
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
Just send them out. Anyone that doesn’t care can throw it away, anyone that wants to congratulate you can email congrats or give you a call. Nothing wrong with sending it out either way. As long as your mother isn’t the one announcing, it doesn’t matter what she thinks.
Certainly don’t mention gifts at all. I do not think people will feel pressure to send gifts from an announcement.
Post # 15
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
JazzyGirl85: So…send them out, and don’t talk to her about them. You are an adult. If you want to let people know that you got married, send out some announcements. If you prefer them to hear about it through friends/family, don’t send them out. Not sure what your mom’s reaction to this matters. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do.
