(Closed) Eloping. Mom doesnn 't want me to send out wedding announcements

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Yes, I agree with these guys. Send them out. Let her complain. You don’t have to listen.

Post # 18
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You should definitely send them! If you don’t you’ll be giving in to her insecurities AND missing out on telling people your joyous news! what I’m trying to say is the only person who will be affected if you do send them: your mom. The only person who will resent it and be affected if you DONT send them: YOU. Stop letting her hurt you!

Post # 19
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Her actions will only hurt you if you let them. I still don’t really understand what the worst thing that could happen is. You get married, send out an announcement, she…complains? OK. So don’t talk to her about it, or change the subject. It’s your life, why are you so worried about how your mom is going to react? At some point, you will have to make decisions that she won’t agree with (I’m sure you already have) and you’ll just have to allow yourself to not be affected by what she thinks.

Post # 20
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

JazzyGirl85:  don’t let your mom dictate your life. your new life partner is your husband. if you two decide to send out announcements, then send out announcements. if you want to have a party, then have a party. she will get over it. this isn’t about her.

Post # 21
Member
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Great idea to elope. You will save yourself a ton of money, time, and drama. All you have to do is read some of the posts about wedding drama. Sometimes I wish I had eloped as the wedding stress was unbearable.

Also good that you have not shared this with many people. Many friends and family feel entitled to a wedding and can get offended at an elopment. Best way to head that off is not to tell people and do it quickly.

While I am all for elopement, I do not think you can have it both ways. If you send out the announcements, it will be interpreted, rightly or wrongly, by some as “You didn’t invite us to your wedding, but now we are supposed to be so happy for you.”

As for the party, same deal. Eloping means you are skipping the reception, and I don’t think a party later will work. I would not mind, but I think many would. All you have to do is read the nasty responses here to military couples who, with good reason, get married legally quickly, and then later try to have a wedding. What you are doing is a little different, but I still don’t think it would be well received.

Post # 22
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think there’s anything wrong in eloping and then inviting everyone to some sort of house-warming, meet-the-newlyweds party (provided you don’t create a registry)….but I would be so puzzled if I received a wedding announcement from a couple.  If I was close to the couple, I’d expect a phone call or at least an e-mail, not some printed announcement.  And I’d be unsure if I was supposed to send them a gift or not.  It would create a lot of hestitation for me.     

Post # 23
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

JazzyGirl85:  Wedding announcements are perfectly appropriate. They also serve the purpose of letting people know your married name and address. Unfortunately, many people incorrectly interpret them as gift solicitations. If that is the case with your crowd, I would skip them.

Miss Manners addresses the issue here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-announcements-sent-after-the-fact-may-meet-disapproval/2012/10/11/d182cd44-13e3-11e2-be82-c3411b7680a9_story.html 

Post # 24
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think it sounds fine to send out wedding announcements and then try and have a party. That’s what destinantion weddings do, and would work for an elopement.

People will find out you’re married, that’s a fact your mother will have to realise and deal with however she wants to.

Personally I think it sounds much more classy, polite and friendly to announce it to people, rather than just waiting for them to spot it on facebook. And it’s always good to have a get together with friends and family.

I say send the announcements. You could always add a line to say ‘no gifts please’ if you’re concerned about looking grabby.

Post # 26
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

JazzyGirl85:  I wonder what the ettiquette says about sending out Save-The-Date Cards and then eloping. If I had received an STD and never an invitation, I would be really confused. I think the announcements might clear up some confusion for people. I would definitely do it. Bonus: big “F-U” to your mom, lol. 😉

Post # 27
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

I plan to send out announcements after my elopement because my extended family lives abroad, and my friends are scattered all over the country so they won’t be coming to our informal celebratory dinner after the fact.  Even though by then many people will know that I got married, I wanted something official to announce it.  I saw it as kind of a symbol that we thought of them on our special day, and an announcement is not a gift request.  If people receive an invitation to an event, they might feel more inclined to bring a gift, but a simple announcement of engagement, marriage, a new baby, or relocation, does not mean a gift is expected.

Post # 28
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

prahajess:  

Etiquette pro here! 

You are completely right. Wedding announcements are customary after an elopement. 

Post # 29
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

Thanks for weighing in etiquette pro. I’m no pro, but it seems natural to me to send announcements. I’m going to send them right after I elope. There will be no mention of a registry (we don’t have one) so I don’t think anyone will see it as a gift grab. Also, my grandparents are too old/unwell to travel so I think it will mean a lot to them to have the announcement and a photo as a keepsake.

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