(Closed) “Eloping” or Wedding?

posted 10 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
7307 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We are having a small wedding (35 invited guests) because it matters to us to make this commitment in the presence of our closest friends and family. We wanted to share the experience with the people who really know us, love us, and stand by us.

Like you, we could have done a 150 person wedding. We could have spent a lot of money to celebrate with a lot of people who are related to us, even though we aren’t particularly close to all of them. We could have asked some dear friends to travel across the country to spend the day with us, and then only had 2 seconds to say hello to them.

We could have gone big, but we didn’t. In the end, when we asked ourselves how we wanted our wedding day to feel, “big” was not on the list. So we chose something small, and we chose to have the kind of wedding that feels most like us. Honestly, we do not regret our decision for a moment. Yes, some members of my big family have guilted me for the decision, and that guilting has only reinforced that we made the right decision. If people give you flack for it, are they really the kind of people that you want to surround you on your wedding day?

Post # 4
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

originally we were going to have a “small” wedding with about 40-60 guest at a fine dining restaurant, we would have our ceremony held there as well… but then as time passed the more we planned the more i became in love with the venue until the venue called us to tell us we were double booked. I lost it. so we cancelled our contract with that venue and I stopped planning for about 2 months. in June we started looking new options and fell in love with a bouqtiue hotel downtown. the price was right, so i began looking into everything else… cost started to pile up and we were getting pressure from both sides of the family to invite more family. (my mother has 9 siblings alone, all married and with 2-4 kids EACH) my FI’s family is rather large too and this is something we didnt want. We wanted a small intimate wedding. We also need to purchase a new car right away here since the one we have is slowly dying. And we’d like to have a really nice 2 week honeymoon (since we dont go on vacation often)… stress+money+family issues all added up and again i probably had 2-5 meltdowns by now. couple weekends ago we both sat down to talk about what was really important to us… we decide to move up our wedding date to this sept, do a VERY SMALL wedding with immediate family members only, have the ceremony in our backyard and a dinner in a private room at a fine dining establishment. This cut cost by 70%, so we are able to do all the things that we would like to do. The only downfall now is the backlash we’re getting from my mother and siblings.. my mom is MOMZILLA… shes one crazyy sob!!  But we’re happy and thats all that matters to us, the last thing we want is the wedding to ruin our fantastic relationship. 


I think you should do what feels right for YOU and your FI! you ONLY get to have one wedding (well unless your $$) so have it the way that YOU want it and not what everyone else is suggesting. 


ps. sorry for the long paragraph

Post # 5
4334 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You say you DO love the idea of larger wedding, just not the stress of it? (plus it’s what your families want?) I think that is definitely reason to have the larger wedding!

Yes, it’s stressful. But… it is ONCE in your whole life. I think that after you are married, you will look back and be really happy that you had the larger wedding, and you won’t even remember the stress! I wonder if you would regret it if you eloped.

Also, keep in mind, that much of the “stress” of planning a wedding is brought on by the brides ourselves; society telling us what we HAVE to do! (matching bridesmaids, gifts for everyone, fancy invitations, expensive food, fancy decorations, complicated seating cards, good grief!) You don’t have to do all that, and can still have a slightly larger wedding! (If anyone complains, say, “hey, you wanna organize that particular aspect? go for it!”)

Post # 6
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We wanted a small wedding but 3 months into the planning it turned into my mothers party. She invited and confirmed with 58 of her own guests without talking to either of us about it. With the people we were looking to invite it would have been close to 100 and I know with my family the numbers would have gone up.

Neither of us were happy, we never wanted to talk about the wedding, so we cancelled it. We are taking a break from thinking about it for now. But the idea of eloping is really growing on me. Because in reality so long as you and Fiance are there thats the most important thing. 

My gran who is 94 made me realise that when I was talking to her about this mess. She and my grandfather married during the blitz in the UK, just before he was deployed. She told me they didnt care who was there they were just so happy they both made it to the church, so many of their friends never did. 

Do what makes you happy, at the end of the day its a celebration about the start of YOUR marriage.


Post # 7
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We are eloping with 185 of our closest friends.  lol, jk

We considered eloping, but when we examined why we wanted to we realized that having a low key hippy wedding would solve most of our objections to a wedding (expense, expectations, intensive time planning). 

Post # 8
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

After planning my own wedding. I wish we had eloped.

Post # 10
781 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wanted to do a destination wedding with just our immediate family.  And we were going to pay for it all beceause it’s like treating our families to a vacay.  BUT FI’s family is traditional and wanted us to have a Chinese banquet…so nixed the idea of Hawaii for everyone!  So now we’re having a small civil ceremony at city hall just for immediate family, then the gigantic banquet for all the families and friends OF THE PARENTS lol.  I don’t think I”ll know 75% of the people at my banquet!  And we’re still paying for it because well, both our parents aren’t in any financial state to pay for it having just started a new business…and if I’m going to have a wedding, I want it MY way. and My way = I pay lol.

So that’s my way of keeping the budget down, by saving on the ceremony and just spending the money on the banquet!

Post # 11
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it all depends on if you really have the money for a big party.


I started out only wanting a small reception.  We are getting married at the beach

and only around 20 family members will be there.  Which I love, an intimate wedding

like that.  After the wedding, we will all go out to a local restaurant and celebrate, but

one month after the BIG day, we are having a formal reception.  I expect around 60

to 80 people and the budget has gone from around 4 grand to about 8 grand.  Luckily

my mother stepped in and offered to pay half the catering.  As long as you are

finanically able to pull it off, then go for it.  Life is short, celebrate the day with all

your friends and family!!!! 

Post # 12
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

At one point, I wanted to elope, but I wouldn’t trade my wedding day for anything now.   It was so amazing to have everyone we loved in a room, all at once.

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