Post # 1
I know people say that planning a wedding is stressful, but it has only been stressful due to my SO’s mother, brother and sister in law (e.g. his entire immediate family). They have brought me to tears on multiple occasions in the past week or two and I am really considering making our already small (presently 7 people) wedding even smaller and just eloping.
Has anyone been too stressed by their families during the planning process that they just scrapped everything and eloped? How did it work out? Did your families hold it against you?
Post # 3
@sheltervet: If that is what makes you happy, do it. What does your Fiance say? Does he stand up for you? What are they doing??
Post # 4
@sheltervet: YES. My family is just so blah about it all. My own mother says, “Why do I even have to go? What is the big deal about a wedding?” She is so off emotionally and can be self centered. My sister asks, “Do you even NEED people to witness you say your vows or not?” In fact all the drama we ever had all came from my side of the family. They simply do not care.
We are eloping with only FI’s parents as the witnesses. Private wedding if you want to call it. My family could not care in the least bit. I think they are actually relieved that they don’t have to travel or anything.
Everyone says to do what makes you happy. What would make me happy is having a normal family that wants to see me get married, come out for a FREE vacation that I host, and my family and his family all get to meet finally. I want everyone to get along and there to be no drama.
But since that is impossible, I have to go with a different option. Maybe not the option I want the most, but I have to go with it if I want no drama or live the guilt of inviting people who don’t want to be there. So as you can see “doing what makes you happy” doesn’t always workout logistically.
I am sad about it, but it is my reality. They did the SAME thing to me 10 years ago when I was married the first time. So I’ll have been married twice without my family there. They suck monkey balls.
Post # 5
@sheltervet: I say you do it. Maybe then they’ll rethink their manners next time. We’re eloping and although I have a tiny bit of sadness my family won’t see me get married, they’ve made it pretty clear that they really don’t care and ‘what the big deal – you’re already living together’, I think it would be best to have a stress-free day w. just the 2 of us!
Post # 6
@canarydiamond: OMG, my mom has the same view point! “You already live together so why are you even excited about a wedding?”
Post # 7
@LuvMySailor: Well…a lot of things! We are very non-traditional, but his mother has already been through the wedding process with his younger brother and clearly has her own “views” on things. She told me what style of dress she pictures me in, how I should wear my hair, etc. etc… she’s been flipping out at rooming situations for the trip (which is far more complex than I care to get into). Oh, we’re not having a bridal party for various reasons, but when she asked and we told her that, she nearly died. Seriously. Then she suggested that I ask his SIL to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and his brother can be the best man. OMG! I have a sister myself, thank you very much and I do not have any relationship with the SIL! Fortunately after she suggested that twice in 5 minutes, he called her out on it since she was getting way out of line.
Then the ironic part is that his brother and SIL both younger than us are planning to start trying to have a baby and could be upwards of 7 months pregnant at the time we get married…and definitely not guaranteed to attend the wedding if their doctor says they are not okay’d to fly. But they say that they are not willing to wait 6 months to get pregnant and that the 6 month wait is more significant than not being 2 of 7 possible guests at our destination wedding. And these are the people that Future Mother-In-Law wanted to be our best man and MOH?! Yeah…not so much.
Post # 8
Why is it that parents think that they deserve to make all the decisions about their children’s weddings?? My parents and FI’s parents are doing the same thing to us — they both want it THEIR way, and we’ve had many tearful phone calls. We finally told our parents, “We’re not arguing anymore. Here’s what we want: blahblahblah. You guys get together and figure it out.” They’re actually meeting right now, and I’m SO nervous about what will come out of this meeting…
So YES! You should elope! Fiance and I say every day that we wish we had eloped months ago and saved ourselves all the drama. Your wedding date isn’t until March, so you have 8 more months of stress you will likely have to deal with. So elope and make your wedding a happy occasion instead of a stressful one!
Post # 9
@sienna76: It is impossible for us too 🙁
Yep, we’re eloping to the courthouse next month! His dad is a complete a-hole and his mom has major anxiety preventing her from traveling (has never been to where Fiance and I live or anywhere >30 miles from her home). My family has their own reasons for being emotionally and/or physically unavailable. Our solution? Abandoning all plans for a small traditional wedding and spending our precious small budget on a honeymoon.
You will figure out your priorities and from there, have an awesome time!
Post # 10
As much as it hurts to hear about your families that just don’t care, I must say I almost wish we had that problem. Although his brother and SIL are putting having a baby first, they would be extremely insulted if they weren’t invited, as would his mother. I have no clue how I would go about this…especially if I wanted my mother and father present (which I do…).
Post # 11
I was in your position last fall. We decide to elope and it was the best choice. No regrets.
Post # 12
@sheltervet: Yes, once I get past the hurt and disappointment of all three of them having excuses yet AGAIN as to why they cannot attend my wedding (they did the same thing for my first wedding when they had 6 months notice to plan/save – hello? pattern?), it all works out in the end and I’ll be glad we will have eloped and spent all that money on ourselves!
Anyone who is insulted will eventually get over it. Honestly. I got over my family not going to my wedding the first time, and I’ll eventually get over it this next time – might take a little longer this time. I think it’s a far bigger deal to get over people not coming to your own wedding that you invited, versus them getting over not being invited, what do you think? Just saying if I did it once, they can do it!
Post # 13
It sounds like you just need to distance yourself from Future Mother-In-Law. How about asking your Fiance to help you out so you two don’t have to plan alone? He can deal with his mother and you can deal with wedding planning.
Post # 14
I have been toying with the idea as well. I had put together an invite list back in January, sent out the save the dates at the appropriate time and then once I sent out the formal invites all hell broke loose!!!
Very close to eloping myself as the planning and drama is getting out of hand. This week I have hid in my house with my phone off….lol.
Whatever you decide…make it count and enjoy yourself!!!
Post # 15
I say do it!! I wish I had the guts to do it myself, because s*** has really hit the fan, and I’m about done with it all. Honestly, you have so much time til your wedding – you could spend that time planning a kickass honeymoon instead 🙂
Post # 16
I say hell with the bs and make it about you to i wish me and my fi took off just us to my family is acting crazy like your