(Closed) Eloping? Too stressed by family during planning.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@sheltervet:  If that is what makes you happy, do it. What does your Fiance say? Does he stand up for you? What are they doing??

Post # 4
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sheltervet:  YES.  My family is just so blah about it all.  My own mother says, “Why do I even have to go?  What is the big deal about a wedding?”  She is so off emotionally and can be self centered.  My sister asks, “Do you even NEED people to witness you say your vows or not?”  In fact all the drama we ever had all came from my side of the family. They simply do not care.

We are eloping with only FI’s parents as the witnesses.  Private wedding if you want to call it.  My family could not care in the least bit.  I think they are actually relieved that they don’t have to travel or anything. 

Everyone says to do what makes you happy.  What would make me happy is having a normal family that wants to see me get married, come out for a FREE vacation that I host, and my family and his family all get to meet finally.  I want everyone to get along and there to be no drama.

But since that is impossible, I have to go with a different option.  Maybe not the option I want the most, but I have to go with it if I want no drama or live the guilt of inviting people who don’t want to be there.  So as you can see “doing what makes you happy” doesn’t always workout logistically.

I am sad about it, but it is my reality.  They did the SAME thing to me 10 years ago when I was married the first time.  So I’ll have been married twice without my family there.  They suck monkey balls. 

Post # 5
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@sheltervet:  I say you do it. Maybe then they’ll rethink their manners next time. We’re eloping and although I have a tiny bit of sadness my family won’t see me get married, they’ve made it pretty clear that they really don’t care and ‘what the big deal – you’re already living together’, I think it would be best to have a stress-free day w. just the 2 of us!

Post # 6
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@canarydiamond:  OMG, my mom has the same view point!  “You already live together so why are you even excited about a wedding?”

Post # 8
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why is it that parents think that they deserve to make all the decisions about their children’s weddings?? My parents and FI’s parents are doing the same thing to us — they both want it THEIR way, and we’ve had many tearful phone calls. We finally told our parents, “We’re not arguing anymore. Here’s what we want: blahblahblah. You guys get together and figure it out.” They’re actually meeting right now, and I’m SO nervous about what will come out of this meeting…

So YES! You should elope! Fiance and I say every day that we wish we had eloped months ago and saved ourselves all the drama. Your wedding date isn’t until March, so you have 8 more months of stress you will likely have to deal with. So elope and make your wedding a happy occasion instead of a stressful one!

Post # 9
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@sienna76:  It is impossible for us too 🙁 

Yep, we’re eloping to the courthouse next month!  His dad is a complete a-hole and his mom has major anxiety preventing her from traveling (has never been to where Fiance and I live or anywhere >30 miles from her home).  My family has their own reasons for being emotionally and/or physically unavailable.  Our solution? Abandoning all plans for a small traditional wedding and spending our precious small budget on a honeymoon.

You will figure out your priorities and from there, have an awesome time!

Post # 11
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I was in your position last fall. We decide to elope and it was the best choice. No regrets. 

Post # 12
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sheltervet:  Yes, once I get past the hurt and disappointment of all three of them having excuses yet AGAIN as to why they cannot attend my wedding (they did the same thing for my first wedding when they had 6 months notice to plan/save – hello?  pattern?), it all works out in the end and I’ll be glad we will have eloped and spent all that money on ourselves! 

Anyone who is insulted will eventually get over it.  Honestly.  I got over my family not going to my wedding the first time, and I’ll eventually get over it this next time – might take a little longer this time.  I think it’s a far bigger deal to get over people not coming to your own wedding that you invited, versus them getting over not being invited, what do you think?  Just saying if I did it once, they can do it!

Post # 13
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like you just need to distance yourself from Future Mother-In-Law. How about asking your Fiance to help you out so you two don’t have to plan alone? He can deal with his mother and you can deal with wedding planning. 

Post # 14
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have been toying with the idea as well. I had put together an invite list back in January, sent out the save the dates at the appropriate time and then once I sent out the formal invites all hell broke loose!!!

Very close to eloping myself as the planning and drama is getting out of hand. This week I have hid in my house with my phone off….lol. 

Whatever you decide…make it count and enjoy yourself!!!

Post # 15
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I say do it!! I wish I had the guts to do it myself, because s*** has really hit the fan, and I’m about done with it all. Honestly, you have so much time til your wedding – you could spend that time planning a kickass honeymoon instead 🙂

Post # 16
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I say hell with the bs and make it about you to i wish me and my fi took off just us to my family is acting crazy like your  

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