(Closed) Eloping (with immediate family)

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

I think people get so wrapped up in the pageantry of a big wedding that they don’t have time to truly absorb what is happening. I wanted our day to be quiet and peaceful and full of love, so we’re going with an immediate family members only elopement type wedding. Everyone has been super supportive.

Some people want a more upbeat party vibe and for that a big wedding is ideal, it just wasn’t for me. I think it comes down to what you want your wedding vibe to be- what adjectives do you use to describe it? Figure out what that is and let that be your guide for size and venue. 

Post # 3
Member
913 posts
Busy bee

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deebee01 :  sorry for your loss bee. My father passed last month. I say do what YOUR heart desires for a wedding. An intimate wedding with family is perfectly ok. I’m not engaged yet, but when it happens I know I’ll want something more private/intimate. I honestly can’t think of more than 50ish ppl max (between my so and I and that might be a stretch) to invite. Nor could I imagine hosting (planning, paying for) 100+ ppl to attend my wedding in order to have a big, extravagant wedding. To some 100+ ppl is a “small” wedding. Sounds like so much money and work!

Post # 4
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Hi bee, 

 

1st – so sorry about your Dad! 

same situation here. We were going to elope, but guilt tripped by future Mother-In-Law. We decided on a SUPER small ceremony (15 people total, immediate family) at our favorite winery with lunch being catered there. 

With that being said, we have had comments from unmarried folks who are coming who have made comments on “well, I would want dancing, I would want a big party” That’s not us! And we are thrilled we are going small. We have both said though, we wish we would have went to Santorini and eloped by ourselves!

Post # 7
Member
3235 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Sorry for your loss. 

I have no regrets on eloping. But you have to follow your hearts. I didn’t have family or friends at mine. I know intimate weddings are popular amongst eloper. 

Post # 8
Member
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My first husband and I had been planning a wedding that became too stressful, so we eloped. We lived in Southern California at the time and drove to Las Vegas and called our families that night and told them we were getting married the next day and wanted them to be there. So my parents, his parents and two of his 3 siblings drive up and witnessed us get married at a little chapel. We divorced 10 years later- but it had nothing to do with our elopement. Eloping with our families was great and we never had any regrets.

Post # 9
Member
33 posts
Newbee

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deebee01 :  Ours is slightly uneven as well due to the same thing, FI’s family has more siblings. But just think, after the wedding, it’s all one family anyway (: Good luck, and remember to do what’s best for you!

Post # 10
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

So sorry to hear about your dad. Weddings seem to heighten the loss even more. 

Im in a very similar situation. My mom passed when I was very young and now that we’re getting married, I had a really hard time planning the wedding without thinking how much I wanted her to be apart of it and how I felt I’d have to explain all night why she wasn’t (my mom died when I was 12 so I’ve always avoided having to talk about it – people instantly feel sorry. Which is kind, but awkward too). So, even though my FI’s parents would love us to have a traditional wedding, my Fiance is being so supportive in goingforth with a very small intimate wedding. What we’re doing is, we’re going an elopement style wedding in the U.K. We’re from the US but we’re flying out our immediate family (cheaper than a site fee where we live) and having an initimate ceremony in the mountains with a photographer and then grabbing food and drinks at a pub (in my dress no less)! It’s much more relaxed and fun with no focus on traditional wedding plans while still pleasing his family with photos and the dress and ceremony AND everyone gets an amazing trip! Maybe something like this would work for you?

Post # 11
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

You sound like me. I think it took 2 weeks of wedding planning to say, “yeah, i’m not doing this.”

My mom passed a few years ago, and I think that’s ultimately a bigger part of my complete traditional-wedding aversion than I allow myself to acknowledge. With your loss being so new I can only imagine.

While I haven’t completed it yet, I will say that an immediate calm came over both of us once we made the decision final, and I cannot imagine doing it any other way. We are doing parents/siblings, and a few best friends each. I am doing nothing other than looking forward to the day.

I think it sounds like the right thing for you to do. If you’re doubting it at all, maybe include one or two very best friends.

We aren’t doing first dances (his mom is in a wheelchair so that makes it tough), I’ll let my dad walk my down some sort of make-shift aisle if he insists, but we’ll likely skip that.

I think you’re good. No worries.

Post # 13
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

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deebee01 :  I think that sounds reasonable! The worst we’ve encountered is some family members saying that what we’re doing is “unique” and not the good kind! I’m sure this is hard for your mom too. My dad just mostly is really poorly timed with his, “your mother would’ve loved to be here/would be so proud” comments. Like, yep! I know! Actively trying not to think about it! Thanks!

Is there a compromise you can make with getting married in a traditional location or anything like that if it might make her more comfortable? It is YOUR day, but with such a significant loss I don’t think it’s unreasonable to make some changes like that.

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