Post # 1
Bit of backstory here – bout four years ago I had an extremely close best friend, let’s call her R. We were incredibly close but once we went to different colleages she cut everyone off. She became increasingly nasty and obsessed with playing online video games. For six months I tried to coax her out of the house and get her to talk to me, but eventually I just felt so let down that I gave up trying.
About three years ago she contacts me on IM and apologises for her nastiness in the past. I forgive her and we plan to go out that weekend. She doesn’t show, ignores my messages and refuses to talk to me again. I visit her a couple of times with our other friends and she swears at us through her window.
Yesterday while out I bumped into her older brother, who I get on with. We chatted for a bit, and when I arrived home I found an email from R apologising for her behaviour and asking if I’m willing to speak to her again.
I want to believe R has turned over a new leaf and finally gotten over this video game addiction, and that this time she really will try. But I’ve only just gotten over the rejection of having my best friend cut me out. I’m torn here, bees, and I could really use your advice. I really want her back in my life but have no clue if I can trust her now. Is it worth speaking to R again and trying to rekindle the friendship, or is this just asking for history to repeat itself?
Post # 3
@TopazTurtle: I think it’s fine to give her one more chance. Just realize that it’s probably going to end the same hurtful way again.
Ask yourself if you are willing to go through that same pain for a chance to fix the friendship.
Post # 4
This is odd. Even before these outbursts happened, was she actually a good friend? Try not to have rose-colored glasses over what kind of friendship you had. Her behavior is extremely bizarre, and I would even suggest the possibility of a mental illness. She’s swinging wildly between two extremes – “I’m sorry, forgive me” – and then being inexplicably nasty to you, unless there’s something you’ve done that we don’t know about.
What are the odds that this could end well? I’m bordering on ignoring her plea and distancing yourself from her to save yourself future trouble. If you do want to go forward anyway, I’d have a frank talk with her about her behavior and how this will be the last time you will ever put up with it.
Post # 5
@TopazTurtle: that is such odd behavior. Do you think she has a mental illness? What does her brother think about all this?
Post # 6
She’s always been a major introvert. I actually befriended her because she was all alone, and spent four years trying to encourage her to come out of her shell. It seemed to work, she had friends and wanted to have fun, but it looks like she’s fully reverted now. Not sure if there’s anything else I can do to help that.
Post # 7
I know that her behaviour isn’t because of something I did, all of our mutual friends were treated in the same way. One person even had her shout him away when he tried to pay her a visit one time. It’s a shame because we were incredibly close, although she’s always been quite flaky.
Post # 8
That’s very bizarre. If you really want to, I would give her another chance but guard your heart because it will probably end the same way. It really does sound to me like she may have an untreated mental illness.
Post # 9
if it were me, I think I’d just choose to ignore the email.
I don’t think I’d want to give her another chance to make me feel like a fool.
Post # 10
I would just let the friendship go. I think it would be more painful for you to try to rekindle this and have it end badly again.
Post # 11
She sounds very unstable, I wouldn’t bother.
Post # 12
I would ignore her email. She’s had her chances.
Post # 13
I know it’s could be considered a cynical way to go through life, but it keeps the drama out for me: I’m a “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me” kind of gal. Real friends don’t run you through the ringer. If you’ve been fine without her, I’d let it go. The chances of you getting your old friend back are slim to none.
I agree with the possible mental illness.
Post # 14
Since it’s been so long. . . I would just try your best to ignore the e-mail. No sense in getting hurt again, if possible.
Post # 15
I feel like, if you did choose to speak to her, I would be very clear right from the get-go. Tell her you won’t be putting up with any bullshit, that you would love for her to be the friend she was before (before all the hermit-like behavior).
Then I would probably still keep my heart protected, but she may really be looking for someone to help her, and personally, I don’t know if I could just turn away from someone who was once my friend like that.
Not saying you’d be wrong (AT ALL) if you did not want to continue or try again, because what she did was bad.
Post # 16
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…