(Closed) Email war with stepmother, read if you dare

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m reading this and I’m seeing her trying to be nice, generous, and kind. And then I’m seeing you shoot down everything she offers up and saying thanks for XXXX gift but we can’t/won’t use it. I understand that your dad and stepmother aren’t really a part of your life, but it seems like your stepmother is using the wedding as a chance to offer and olive branch and try to become a bit more involved in your life. It’s up to you whether or not you’re interested.

I’m not sure what you’re looking for here, but I think you’re overreacting a bit. Sorry.

Post # 5
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Okay, I just read through everything, and I don’t see anything wrong with either of your responses. You both seem to be on the same page and it looks to me like she doesn’t want to get in the way of what you want. She has offered her/their help, if you want it, but is fine if you don’t want it.

Post # 6
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

It does read like she’s trying to be nice, but sometimes it’s hard to tell if you don’t know the person. I’m sorry you’re having family issues, though :(.

Post # 7
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

hmmmm interesting…. I’m sorry they’re being so annoying. It does seem that she’s trying to be understanding and respectful in the last e-mail. I don’t know why they’re so bent on cake so you can use the the servers … could you maybe incorporate it in the crepes some how??? It might be kind of funny. (Crepes sound delicious though!) I understand about the speech, it’s really for a couple important people, and since he wasn’t really involved it’s a little rude for him to assume he’s going to give one without being asked. He’ll just have to get over it… Sorry you’re dealing with this extra drama with everything else you have going on.

Post # 8
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Honestly, she does sound like she’s from a different era when weddings were done entirely differently. That isn’t a bad thing though. She doesn’t sound disrespectful but appears to understand where you are coming from with being a “modern” bride. If you don’t want her help or advice, don’t take it but be respectful about it in return. I don’t see how dragging your father into this will make things better.

Post # 9
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have to agree with bakerella.

Your stepmom seems excited for you and willing to offer her help where she can. Even when you tell her you have xyz is taken care of she responds by saying how wonderful it sounds and explains her suggestion as not to offend you. Obviously we do not know your past with your father and stepmom. Maybe that is why we don’t see the converation the same way as you do? But from what I read she is just trying to support you and offer a helping hand.

Post # 10
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I have to agree with @bakerella.  Obviously I do not know your family background, but my outsider perspective is that she has the best of intentions. 

Post # 11
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with Bakerella sorry. I understand you are having a busy week but her emails seem nice enough, she is trying to be polite and helpful, it’s exciting for her that you are getting married and it’s natural for people to offer to help or be involved. I also think it’s very generous of her to offer to pay for a cake, if you choose you want one to go with desset. Many older people don’t understand the differences in weddings today vs 20 years ago, it’s a lot less traditional now. I think the bell idea is very cute.

I wouldn’t worry your father with the emails, it may cause tension between you all. Perhaps send a short apology email to her if you feel you have been short with her and brush it off and forget it.

Post # 12
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

She sounded nice.  I don’t understand what you are so upset about.  She sounded like she was offering to help.

Post # 13
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m with Bakerella on this one.  I don’t see anything wrong with what she wrote.  She seemed like she was trying really hard to help you out, and you may have slightly hurt her feelings with your response.  But I don’t know the background… I think of it as like my husband’s father.  They don’t really get along and my husband feels really uncomfortable around his father.  We live 10 minutes away from each other and only see them at Christmas.  I’m trying to imagine his wife as your stepmother, but I would still appreciate any help they offered whether I wanted to take it or not.

Post # 14
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

your fathers wife was gracious and going to pains to ensure that she hasnt hurt your feelings and not stepped on toes while offering support so i dont see what the problem is *shrug shoulders*

 

Post # 15
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think you probably need to take a breath on this one. Maybe she’s trying to hard and being annoying… but I really don’t see any malice in her emails. It seems like she’s really just trying to be as nice as possible. 

Post # 16
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I also have to agree with Bakerella, but like others have said, we don’t know the whole past with you and your stepmom. But from an outsider’s POV, it looks like she is just really excited for you and trying to help. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt?

Either way, I hope everything works out.

The topic ‘Email war with stepmother, read if you dare’ is closed to new replies.

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