- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
My father (read, father…not Dad) is away this week at huntcamp. So with 5 less dogs in the house and no husband around someone has too much time on her hands I guess?
I am planning an event Saturday for 1500 or so people, I do not have time for this, and heck it’s November, the gift they got us should not have been given (which started it all)
He does not know of the emails yet. Next week I will be forwarding them to him, then calling as he reads them and explaining. His feelings will have to be hurt, but I am not sure what else to do.
I have seen the two of them three times in the past 3 years after going 6 years with no contact. He and my Mom had me young, were never married, he is not on my birth certificate, he bailed on my Mom, and ME.
Day-to-day the anger I feel I am typing in this email is not an issue, I saw a counsellor for years as a teen where I learned to not have expectations of him, and before I turned 20 decided any future relationship we had was just to stay in touch, I had made it this far without a “Dad”, he wasn’t about to start now.
There is about 1800km’s between is, I am in Ontario, they/he in Georgia, add the friction of distance too….
I have had a step father and a divorce and now a current step father since him.
Ok…emails….holy long post, I am on a ranting mission! When you see “Father” I took out his name and replaced with Father, FI’s name is either Fiance or Fiance, RingPup = Me, Stepmom…well..you get it.
I am not looking for sides or right or wrong, I know I came on strong in that 2nd response, her personality…you have to snap bag or she will keep hounding, and I don’t have time for it.
Her 1st email yesterday:
Hi, Just wanted to see if you like the Champagne Flutes, knife and bell ? In case you were wondering the bell is for your maid of honor or best man (whoever is at the head table) to ring when they want the Bride and Groom to kiss. I was not sure if you would have preferred glass over the sliver, the challenging will be not forgetting to take them home after the reception. Hope you liked them.
I told Father the bell was for Fiance to ring after the wedding day for whenever he wanted you (lol). A little bird told me you have already picked out your wedding gown….love to see the pic. Time is going to fly bye it will be July before you know it. StepMom
My 1st Response
Thank-you SO much for everything, they are sooo nice and things we had not even thought of yet! The knife has maybe pushed us to have a cake, as of now we don’t have plans to have one as we both don’t like cake, haha! But maybe we can have a non-traditional cake like carrot cake or something, we will see! I have never heard of the bell thing before, usually people just cling glasses, or the new trend is making donations for a charity (more money donated, bigger kiss) or answering trivia on the couple to get them to kiss, etc!
The sliver is wonderful, again something we hadn’t even thought of yet, so silver vs. glass was never a thought and the silver looks wonderful (and less breakable!)
We don’t have to worry about forgetting things, since the venue is not a regular wedding venue, we have the venue the week before, week after to pick away at set up and take down, they’re in no rush to get us out of there if we were to forget anything!
I do have a wedding gown! No pics of me in it, but I have attached the ones I found online of it! The store asked if I wanted to take some pics of me in it, I said no! No one sees me in it (with exception of those who came with me!) until the big day!
We got our first big frost last night, and temperatures below zero for the first time, brrrr!
Not have cake – your guest probably like cake – who cares what the bride and groom like (haha) – maybe pumpkin cake it could be a theme cake – is there such a thing as pumpkin cake???? Father and I could spring for the cake, then you and Fiance can just enjoy the pictures of you cutting the cake and let your guest Eat Cake. The top layer gets saved for your one year anniversary – imagine the freezer burn! The guess clink glasses because they don’t have Bells – the other stuff you mentioned is new to me, but it has been a long time since I have attended a wedding. Guess Father should get working on a toast – it will probably take him 7 months to write and memorize one. The Bell can be used to get everyone’s attention when someone wants to give a Toast as well. Do you like Champagne – you will need something in the Flutes for when a Toast is made to you and Fiance. Maybe Father and I should bring it over from the States being how expensive booze is in Canada! So many things to think about…… Dress is beautiful, it looks like it was designed for you.
We’re getting married at a Pumpkin Farm in July, but there will be nothing (nothing) pumpkin themed about it. So definitely no pumpkin cake.
Guests will be served ice cream crepes for dessert with a candy bar and pastry bar(mini pies and pastries) later in the evening. I don’t see the point of having something we don’t want, so we have come up with other options we would enjoy. I am so anti-doing-the-traditional-thing just because everyone always does it. Again, maybe a small carrot cake or something, but no gross icing or anything like that –yuk! Anyone I’ve talked to threw out the cake in the freezer and didn’t eat it….there’s no value in that for me.
As per Father doing a toast –we have not decided who will be speaking yet, so I wouldn’t have him planning anything. Speeches will be short and kept at a minimum, we both have big families, so it may just be Fiance/I, Maid of Honour, Best Man, FI’s parents and my Mom giving a toast/speech.
I like Champagne the few times I have had it, again not something we’re worrying about quite yet –we have already had someone offer to do the champagne/wine at the wedding –but thank you, I wish alcohol was less expensive here as it is in the US. We have to buy/bring everything into the venue ourselves! Still beats having to pay for alcohol through a venue though, we just have to pay cost from the Beer/Liquor store, the liquor license, insurance, bar tenders and mixes!
Thank-you about the dress, I really love it! It should be in February sometime!
Her 3rd Response:
Sorry did not mean to offend you. Don’t worry Father has not even mentioned a toast at this point, I was merely kidding because everyone thinks about what to say and gets nervous. We won’t do anything to get in the way Jus, just let us know what the plans are and we will follow the plan. You have made it clear that we are to be background.
I did NOT respond, and got this tonight email titled “start over”….
RingPup, I just re-read my last email to you, did not mean for it to sound so short. Was just trying to say we will wait to hear from you how we can be of help, if in anyway at all. It is your wedding and your plans should be followed. When you tell us what they are we will be more that happy to respect your plans. It’s great others are helping you with everything, just thought it would be nice to offer the cake if for nothing more than the photo ops. No biggie either way, was not even thinking it had to be in place of the dessert you have planned. I was at one wedding where the cake was cut up and just offered as “take home” to those that wanted it. I did not realize you felt so strongly about cake. I don’t even know if Father even has thought about a toast, although I am sure if he wanted to give a short one and was told no his feelings would be hurt. Most toasts are one sentence that wish the bride and groom happiness. I always thought toasts came from the heart of those at the wedding that wanted to say something to the couple. I am glad I joked about it because otherwise would have not known the plan was to limit toasts and who would be able to give them, not sure how you control that but I am sure you will figure it out. I guess down the road you will let us know what to expect and how the day will flow so your wedding day will be perfect for you and Fiance. If we know ahead of time we can avoid any awkwardness or doing something you did not have planned. I apoglize for over stepping the boundries, and simply meant we will stay out of the wedding plans (stay in the background, as guest). It is an exciting time for you and I truly did not mean to intrude in anyway. Did not know you had so many things taken care of already and was only trying to offer something to help make the day special. Again, my mistake and hope you accept my apoglogy. StepMom