(Closed) Embarassed to be an encore bride?

posted 6 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You need to say something to your mom about this, but I don’t know what to tell you about everyone else!  People are rude.

Post # 5
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I feel really embarassed that I’ve been engaged twice by 21 Embarassed

Post # 6
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I wasn’t an encore bride, but I just want to tell you that you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Statistically, most women who divorce do so fairly young, since young marriages are more likely to end in divorce, and most divorces happen within the first few years of marriage, IIRC.

So you made a mistake marrying your first husband. If there’s anyone who’s gone through life without making a bad choice, I have yet to meet them. You went through it, you learned, and you’re a wiser person for it. Hold your head up!

Post # 7
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Don’t be embarassed- just think about how it made you wiser and stronger.  I would say something to your mom though.  Even if she doesn’t mean it in malice, just tell her that bringing up your previous marriage makes you feel uncomfortable.

Post # 8
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@copewedding:  dont be embarrased!  If you had never gotten married the first time you may have never ended up with your forever man πŸ˜‰  Life works in mysterious ways!!!  Think about how much you have learned and grown from it!!  Maybe even think of it as, wow I never had this at my first wedding but OMG i really wish I had so Im having it this time!!!! Or I wish I had done this differently and now I can !!!  Its exciting πŸ˜‰

Post # 10
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I did feel embarrassment when planning my encore wedding.  But I had to get over it.  I certainly would not take back my first marriage (got my daughter out of it), but it was hard to face people- if that makes any sense.  It was DH’s first marriage though- so I needed to pull it together for his sake!

Post # 11
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m an Encore Bride, married the first time at 27, divorced at 35.  Well I am still 35 and getting re-married in 4 months.  I have no embarrasment.  There should be none.  My first marriage did not work out, but it taught me a lot about myself and what I wanted in life. I was able to grow mentally & emotionally and I am grateful I had the chance to do it.

The only person that can change how you react to being an Encore is you.  You grow, you learn, you move on with life and you deserve the best.  If this marriage is what you want and you are completely happy, focus on that.

 

Post # 12
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not an encore bride, so I’m sorry if I’m not the opinion you want, but I just wanted to reiterate that you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. People for the most part (except that nasty jeweler) aren’t judging you. You made a mistake, but got yourself out of the situation and learned from it…and there are a ton of people who might have stayed in that first marriage longer than you did, even though they knew it was wrong. 

Congratulations on finding your lasting happiness…and hold your head up! 

Post # 13
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have a very similar timeline- married at 21, divorced by 23… now I am 28 and a ‘bee in waiting’ and before I am even engaged my mum is like ‘well the next time..’.. –

I wouldnt worry about it, this stuff is just life, it happens, you can be any age. What is important is that you have now found the man for you, and you wouldnt be you without all that experience behind you. Stand tall, shake it off..you deserve to be a happy glowing bride the same as anyone else..

oh and btw this in fact really reminds me of a SATC episode where charlotte feels like she cant enjoy being engaged again and being made a fuss of- luckily the girls in the bar tell her she of course deserves the same treatment of any bride, that made me smile a lot πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

So far outside weddingbee – No. But then again I haven’t started the dress shopping, etc. On Weddingbee though, I’m a little apprehensive about speaking of my previous marriage — and only because I don’t want anyone who isn’t an encore to believe that I shouldn’t be as excited and confused on some etiquette/tradition stuff  this time around.

While I don’t believe you have an issue with your mom, per se, I think she is just comparing because she can (mine will do the same) I do think that her mentioning anything about the previous marriage causes you to cringe. I would mention something in passing (light hearted)…get her take on it.

I know my mom is my sound board – she gives great advice and if she were reading this, her response to you would be a light hearted “who cares?” Doesn’t matter – THIS time it’s the right one πŸ™‚ <–just giving you a little reassurance from my “mummy”

Post # 15
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly, I never felt the embarrassment throughout this entire wedding planning process with new Fiance. I felt the embarrassment right after I left my ex. He was abusive and I was fed up with it. I was embarrassed I couldn’t make it work but after I met Fiance I was glad I left when I did or else I would have missed out on a great man. Things happen for a reason.

Post # 16
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was married at 18, seperated right before I turned 20, and divorced at 21. I was in a very abusive relationship and knew I shouldn’t have gotten married but at the time I felt like I had no other choice than to do what he wanted and get married. It is embarassing to me to think about the fact that I am already divorced but I also just think about how much stronger of a person it made me and the lessons that being in that relationship taught me(both before and after we tied the knot). And I am thrilled to be engaged this time and I know it is the man that I want to marry. So try not to be embarrased and just embrace what you have now and think that if you wouldn’t have gotten a divorce then you wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to be with the wonderful man you are with now.

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