Post # 1
So my sister, the Maid/Matron of Honor and my *only* bridesmaid is throwing me a bachelorette party in August. I’m not a social butterfly and most of my close friends are all guys. Because of that, she is inviting a few of her close friends who we both grew up with. It’s going to be a really fun night-out-on-the-town. We’re getting a hotel room in the city and my sisters boyfriend is getting us into this awesome piano bar/club for free because he works there.
All that said,
My mother is really pushing us to invite my brother’s girlfriend and I am stubbornly putting my foot down and saying NO. She’s been with my brother for almost 2 years now in a very unhappy relationshipship that began with an unplanned pregnancy. Her and my brother make eachother miserable- and not only that, she is the most ANNOYING person EVER.
She’s an EMBARASSMENT. She has no social boundaries what so ever. My efforts to include her in social engagements usually end with me red in the face and newly-met aquaintances walking off awkwardly because she has just told the story about her child birth and lifted her shirt to show her faded stretch marks. She is a *big* girl and seems to have no sense of modesty.
I do sympathize with her situation. She’s a young mom and couped up inside all day taking care of my nephew. Her friends have abandoned her and my brother works all the time just to afford taking care of her and the baby.
Do I REALLY have to include her on my only true “girls night out”?
My mom says its unavoidable. If I don’t invite her- she’ll be so hurt and it will only make things worse. But I don’t want my only bachelorette party to be attached to memories of some girl my brother knocked up being obnoxious in public and embarassing us all. Especially since thier relationship is on the rocks as it is, I don’t even know if she’ll be around much longer.But if they’re still together in August, I have to make the call: To invite her, or not to invite her.
What would you do?
Post # 3
I would not invite her. It is your night with your girlfriends…she does not need an invite.
Post # 4
Sounds like she could be Megan from Bridemaids 🙂 Don’t really have advice, but just wanted to throw that out there!
Post # 5
I’d invite her….not for her feelings but for your brother and nephews sake.
Post # 6
I say invite her. Even if her relationship is “on the rocks” wih your brother it doesn’t change the fact that she is the mother of your nephew and will behim your life forever, regardless of their relationship status.
Post # 7
Two years is awhile and more than just getting knocked up. I think you should invite her but maybe leave the judgements at home.
Post # 8
don’t invite her. It’s YOUR night! Theres a reason why you don’t invite your whole wedding guest list to your showers and bachelorette party. If you don’t want her there…don’t have her there. Especially, since it’s going to be a casual sort of thing.
Post # 9
Its your night, your friends, and if she annoys you every time you see her when its a simple day at someones house, imagine how it would be when its a party with YOUR friends on YOUR night, before YOUR wedding. She doesnt matter. Dont invite her.
Post # 10
I’m not inviting my SIL or my FI’s sisters, my FI’s brother’s gf’s (I don’t have any sisters). I think unless you are close with them, the bachelorette isn’t really a party to invite family (I think of your brother’s gf as part of the family category, though I know she technically isn’t).
You should invite who you want to invite. She can come to the shower and the wedding. That is plenty. And really no one needs to bring it up around her and it won’t be much of an issue. It’s the Bachelorette not the wedding!!!
Post # 11
Like everyone said, it’s your bachelorette party. You get to decide your guest list, not your mom. If your brother’s gf makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s best not to invite her. She’s invited to the bridal shower right?
Post # 12
In your shoes I would not invite her. My friend is having a bachelorette party this week and she kept her guest list very limited because this just isn’t an event that people who aren’t close friends should be in attendance to. And that does include some family member’s of hers.
Post # 13
I would not invite her and don’t talk about details of the bachelorette party with your family, lest Mom take it upon herself to let this woman know what is happening! It is your night and you should not feel like you will be embarrassed by a guest.
Post # 14
Your mom is right, but it seems like there isn’t much, if any, relationship to salvage anyways.
If you don’t invite her, she will be upset.
If you do invite her, you will be upset.
HOWEVER… what if it was laid out that your sister was put in charge of the guest list (since she is hosting) and totally “forgot” to invite SIL? If the host is willing to go along with that, it might be a good way to get out of it and not take the blame. At the same time, then your sister gets in trouble….
Post # 15
@takemyhand: Great idea! Ask your sis to take the fall. That there had been a miscommunication.
Here’s the deal, I am normally not sneaky like this – I’m a meet it head on kind of girl – but I also know a couple socially awkward folks and I don’t think you have time to sit her down and talk with her about appropriate behavior. Even if you did, she would be even more awkward because she would be worried about acting out. OR she would be so offended by the talk that she would purposefully act out at the event.
On the other hand, she’s socially awkward. She might come to you directly and ask why she hasn’t rec’d her invite yet. What will you do then? Best to be prepared.
Post # 16
My first insticnt was to say invite her. Then I thought about it and realized my brother’s girlfriend (of like 5 years) was not invited to my bachelorette party. My Maid/Matron of Honor asked me for email addresses and I don’t even know hers so it never occured to me to include her. I did include my cousin’s wife who has been part of the family for Darling Husband and my entire relationship but I am pretty sure she never responded to the invite according to my Maid/Matron of Honor so I have no idea what her deal was. In the end I was super happy to have a small group of close friends present. However since your sister is inviting some of her friends/mutual friends, I think I would have to stick with the advice of inviting your bro’s girlfriend. It seems like she is in your family for good and excluding her will only make things worse. If she is behaving inappropriately, your friends will know that it is her and not you and she will only embarrase herself. Maybe being in a group where no one encourages her awkard behaviors will help her realize she should not be showing off her scars in public.