Embarrassed about few family and no friends

posted 11 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I can relate, my finace has a large family and I have a very small family, and to make matters worse he is much more of a social butterfly than me and so has much more friends than I do. Overall his side is probably about 4 times the size of mine and I’m also feeling a bit embarrassed. I’d say try not to stress too much about it, just tell everyone you wanted a very small wedding and pretend it was intentional. Sending you lots of hugs and support!  

Post # 3
Member
4603 posts
Honey bee

I’m confused why this is an issue – you said you are having “only immediate family”.  What does that have to do with you having no friends?  You’re embarrassed because his family procreated more times than your family?  I mean, people know that families come in different sizes, regardless of what language they speak.  And why would your family be expecting your friends to be there if your wedding is only immediate family?  It seems like you’re stressing yourself out about this just to have something to be stressed out about and projecting your own insecurities on them.  The parameter is immediate family only and neither you nor your fiance had any say in how big your families are –  so it is what it is and I”m pretty sure each of your respective families know how big their own family is so it’s not going to come as a surprise to them or be anything to be ashamed about.

As for the language barrier – yeah, it sucks.  But you said yourself that some of them know English so therefore they can translate if necessary.

It’ll be fine.  Everyone will socialize with whomever they feel comfortable socializing with just like any other family occasion.  They’ll eat and drink, chit chat a bit, and have a good time celebrating your marriage.  They’ll be too busy doing that to have a roll call of who is attending the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

zsm22 :  My fiance and I are having 100 people and only 25 are my guests. And that’s because I have 5 siblings and they are all married with kids. I was embarrassed at first but then I realized nobody will be keeping count. And we will be having the two families blending on each side of the church instead of having the bride and groom’s guests on seperate sides of the aisle and that will help me a lot as itll look even. You may consider doing the same. During the reception, nobody will notice how many are your guests versus his guests. 

Post # 5
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I don’t think this is anything to be ashamed of. I had my dad and one aunt and uncle and one great aunt and uncle for my side. I had asked another great aunt and uncle and the only friend who still lives closeish and her mom to come but they weren’t able  I was sad about that because I wanted the 4 of them there too but I understood. Every single other person there was for my husband. He ended up with 35ish on his side. 

Spoiler. Nobody cared. And if they did they were not rude enough to say so to our faces. But as far as I could tell his side was just happy to see the few of my family members who could be there to share our day.

It’s okay to be sad for a bit. But after a bit of wallowing I think it’s more important to be happy that you have people that you love to share your day 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
4603 posts
Honey bee

zsm22 :  You’re greatly overestimating how much other people give a damn about this sort of thing.  You’re making it a much bigger deal than it is because you’re insecure about it and stuck inside your own head ruminating about it.

The people who are there are there to celebrate your marriage, eat, drink, and have a good time.  No one cares about that other shit.  They really don’t.

Post # 8
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

It’s very important to have a support network of family and friends! I hope you get to make more as your wedding progress or just during your marriage. 

Post # 10
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

Do your family not know you at all? Surely if they know you well they have realised by now you dont have friends. They would hardly be turning up to your wedding expecting to meet a group of very close friends at an intimate wedding that they have never heard of before…

Post # 11
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

I think you might be overestimating how much people are going to notice or make a tally of who is there on your side.  I get feeling self-conscious about it, but this is something you can work on with yourself before the big day. 

Post # 12
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

I’m on the other side of the fence – as in, most of the guests are mine. In fact, the majority of my FH’s guests are work colleagues (who are friends), and I actually used to work there so know them very well too. It doesn’t really seem like a big deal tbh. 

I’ll admit that when I was bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding I did notice that her husband didn’t have many guests but he’s not that social so I wasn’t surprised. Also his family live in Spain. I didn’t think much of it, and certainly didn’t think negatively of him or the day.

 

Post # 13
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

The beautiful thing (or downside, depending on how much you like them 😉 ) thing about marriage is that his family is now your family too! 🙂 Don’t worry about exact numbers: everyone is coming to your wedding to celebrate becoming a joint family.

Post # 14
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

You have got the people there who you want there and want to be there….that is all that matters!! Nothing else matters!!

My boyfriend is such a social butterfly and easily knows 4 times the amount of people I know. He just sent me a photo of his list of boys he’s inviting on his bachelor party and there are only 7 names. This is coming from someone who knows soooo many people. Those are the people he wants there. 

Post # 15
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Holy cow this post makes me self-conscious from the OPPOSITE side! My fiance has a small family and only like 10 friends (about 60 people total) and my family and friends is coming up to like 170 people. He hasn’t said it bothers him, but what if it does?!? I’m much more of a social butterfly than he is! 

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