Post # 1
Hi Bees, I could really use some good advice 🙁
I’ll start with the basics, my sister and I are 6 years apart. It was always an awkward age difference growing up. We are complete opposites, it is hard to imagine that we were raised by the same two parents. I have always been considered a “good girl” I did well in school, graduated college, polite and always dated well rounded guys for the most part. Even in college I still had my fun with drinking and partying of course but who didn’t? But I always still had respect for myself.
My sister is 19 and she has been different forever so this is nothing new…but it has gotten worse…a lot worse. My sister dresses like a whore and it is to the point where I am embarrassed to bring my fiance over. I just went over to the house for Mothers Day and there she was in booty shorts (I could see her ass) a shirt (if you can call it that?) that came up to the bottom of her bra and high heels. I was mortified.
About two months ago my grandmother passed away and at her beach memorial she wore jean booty shorts (serious crinkle showing!) and a halter that showed half her stomach. AT A MEMORIAL??? The ENTIRE TRIP she dressed like this. When we were in Florida for the funeral the entire time she cried and bitched that she wanted to go to the beach or go to some rave. My father and I had to clean up everything of my Grandmothers (an entire house) alone because she was so mad about not having a second spring break. I was thinking after everything with my Grandma we could drive to Disney on our way home and have some family fun to relieve some stress and she flipped out. She didn’t realize the trip was going to take SO long and she had a dance party to go to. My poor father is grieving over the loss of his mother and here she is flipping out (screaming) about how this just ruined her plans to go to TN for the party.
I have not really talked to her after that trip because I am just so upset with her.
She dropped out of high school, she talks with zero class by cussing all the time, chain smoking and her make up is just…sooo bad 🙁 . She is also dating a guy whos facebook banner is pot rolled up with $20.00 bills….yea cute. She also got a giant tattoo on her side of a video game she has never played in her life so a boy would like her…yea regret that in ten years much? SIGH
My parents do NOTHING about this. They are upset that I don’t want her in the wedding party. She had the nerve to say that the Alfred Sung bridesmaid dress I picked out is “too old looking”
I don’t want her in my wedding. If she can’t even handle the responsibility of a funeral of our own Grandmother how can she possibly behave herself at my wedding. I am horrified to have her meet my future in laws. They are as straight as you can get and my FIs brother is 8 years older and his sister is 10 years older with kids.
Ugh, I get so jealous of my friends who have younger sisters that are so great. I wish I had that with mine… 🙁
Is it wrong of me to not want her in the wedding party?
Post # 3
” Ugh, I get so jealous of my friends who have younger sisters that are so great. I wish I had that with mine… 🙁 “
kinda harsh. you are criticizing her purely on superficial things and on how you and others perceive her. I do think its extremely harsh that you want her out of your wedding party because she dresses “like a whore” and has “no class”. She is your sister. If you are worried about people judging you based on how she acts, then thats the other peoples problem not yours.
are you trying to become closer to her as a person? She is 19 and probably going through a lot and trying to find her identity and where she fits. Im sure she would love an understanding older sister to guide her through this instead of judging her.
I think you should talk to her about this in a non judgemental way.
Post # 4
If it makes you feel better I am embarrassed of my whole family. When I was younger I messed up a lot, but I have cleaned my act up. My cousins on the other hand, are out of control. When we all get together it turns into a bash fest of who did things worse. And if they drink…forget about it. I am in the same situation as you. I literally cried for 3 hours the other dat thinking of the embarrassment I am going to have to face on my day.
I do not think you should allow your sister to be in your wedding, she does not sound reliable or mature enough, at all!
Post # 5
@teabiscuit: I have tried, I have always stood up for her. I was the big sister who last year told her boyfriend to stop verbally abusing her and to never talk to her that way again or he would hear from me. I am a good older sister it is just my grandmothers funeral was the last straw for me. It is not purely for superficial things….I’m sorry but her hissy fits during a VERY hard time was uncalled for.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Mmm honestly, I’d be embarrassed of her too. I don’t know if that’s enough to kick her out of the wedding party if you have already extended the offer, though. Maybe like a previous poster said she needs guidance but in my own thinking, if her “good girl” older sister tries to give her advice, no matter how well meaning, she’ll probably take offense and throw it back in your face. Sorry, I don’t have any suggestions, hope you can figure out a good solution :/
Post # 7
My short and sweet answer: I’m not doing it. My sister is out of line for different reasons. I had a choice of angering her by excluding her, or angering her later by making her wear green and smile for pictures. Either way, someone’s feelings would be hurt and someone would be mad. I chose to exclude her. It was a hard decision and it took me months to make it.
PS-You have almost a year. I’d wait a few more months if you think that may make it easier.
Post # 8
@Tropicalbride: I understand, I have an older cousin who is like that 🙁 Been arrested a whole bunch of times and they brag about it like it is a competition who has messed up the most. When him and my sister are together they are just trouble 🙁
I just don’t know what to do, did you have a talk with your family?
Post # 9
@Tiffner: My sister and I are 6 years apart as well…I was also 19 when my sister got married. I would never have dreamt of acting the way she is…she is 19 and not a baby anymore, there comes a point in your life where you need to become responsible for your actions and it seems like she has not had to face any consequences up until now. Somebody needs to put her in her place and she needs to GROW the F up!
Post # 10
I’m really sorry you have to make this difficult decision. Personally I think I’d have a talk with her about my expectations for the wedding and see what conclusion you come to afterwards. But realistically, I don’t think you can expect her to behave and I would be afraid to jeoparize my wedidng by including a loose cannon in the bridal party. I’m sure years from now she will regret her behaviorm but unfortunately that doesn’t help you at the moment.
Post # 11
I SOOOO feel your pain, but with my brother. He has the same type of reckless, impulsive behavior your sister seems to have. Anyways to make a long story short I’m on the fence about having my brother in the wedding party too. I keep telling myself, maybe he’ll suck it up for one night, he is my brother after all. But my Fiance is livid and wants him out (esp after the way he’s treated my parents.. which is a whole different issue) anyways if you truly don’t want her in the wedding party then do it. just make sure you won’t regret it later on in life if/when she decides to grow up. You can always try to have a little chat with her sister to sister and explain that if she doesn’t clean up her act then she can’t be in the wedding party. BUT then again she may not react well to that.
Edit: When I say wedding party, I had originally asked him to read one of the readings during the ceremony. NOT a groomsman.. lol
Post # 12
your post was super judgemental, mostly on a superficial level. it kindof read like im the ‘good sister’ and shes the undesirable one who does nothing right.
you dont want to include her in the bridal party, understandable. the only thing i found bad from your post is her actual behaviour, that alone is grounds to exclude her from the party.
Post # 13
I think you’re justified in not wanting her to stand in your wedding. I had my shit together at 19 and so did you, I don’t think you should cut her any slack. Some people just get away with doing whatever they want and everyone else dealing with it and I don’t put up with that crap and neither should you.
Post # 14
I’m sorry; it must be really tough to have to deal with someone who can’t see past themselves to the needs of others.
And whilst she can dress however she likes and will just have to deal with people judging her (because they will!) to dress that way at a funeral! – NO, that is disrespectful to other people who are in pain because it shows that you clearly are not thinking of mourning but of showing off your body.
As for the wedding, do not feel bad about not having her in the bridal party, how she dresses and speaks aside, you obviously aren’t close with her. Just because you are sisters doesn’t automatically mean you have this amazing bond, it’s unfortunate but it is the reality. Don’t have someone you aren’t close within your bridal party. Especially not someone who doesn’t seem to be able to put others before themselves in times of need, such as your father at the funeral. You need everyone behind you on your wedding day and if she is too busy worrying about herself then she isn’t going to do her job.
Hopefully in a couple of years she will mature a bit and see that other’s have needs too, even if she doesn’t stop the swearing etc.
ETA: Does she even want to be in the bridal party? Just going on what you have written it doesn’t exactly sound like her kind of thing.
Post # 15
There is no law that requires you to like, or even love your family, nor do you have to put up with poor behaviour just because they are blood related. At 19 she is an adult and should behave like one. If my sister behaved like that at my grandmothers funeral she’d wish to god she’d never been born by the time I was through with her. I’d elope before I allowed someone like you just described in my wedding. You have every right to feel the way you do, I hope you find the strength to stand up for yourself and your day.
Post # 16
I did not mean to come across as I am this “good” amazing sister and she is just horrible. I have made plenty of mistakes…that is part of growing up and I had my fair share of fun. It is just the way she presents herself. Most Bees I see don’t enjoy their Fiance going to strip club and I come to my own home and shes half naked. It makes my Fiance and I pretty uncomfortable when she isn’t wearing anything.
I’m sorry if I did…I am pretty upset and i probably could of written this better if it wasn’t out of anger from yesterday.