- 2 years ago
My fiancé is wanting to set a wedding date. I keep telling him I don’t want to get married – yes I know, the whole point of being engaged. It hurts his feelings thinking I don’t want to marry him, the saddest part, I do want to marry him! I can’t bring myself to tell him the real reasons why I don’t want to out of fear of hurting him even more. I am absolutely so embarrassed to walk down the isle, I know I shouldn’t be, but I am! I’m hoping someone can give me some advice, a pep talk, something!!
I am 33 years old… This won’t be my first or second marriage, rather my 3rd!! My first marriage, I eloped. My 2nd marriage, we got married before our actual wedding day – we didn’t make it to that day, he left me for his girlfriend that I didn’t know he had. I was humiliated by both divorces, I don’t want people to roll their eyes when they get the invitation in the mail, or as I’m entering getting ready to walk down the isle. If I voiced this concern to people I know, I guarantee the first thing to be said is who cares what others think… but I CARE! He is also divorced, but only once. He has 2 children from his first marriage. I have a child from my 1st marriage (reason for getting married to begin with) then we have a daughter of our own.
Next up… I really don’t have any friends! I have been busy working and being a single mom for a while. I don’t go out, I don’t go to social functions, my baby shower for my daughter was embarrassing. My sisters who put on the shower, planned for at least 75 people. I couldn’t even mail out 25 invitations!! It ended up being mostly immediate family! Even my coworkers – that claim to be friends didn’t show up. He has several friends, but since our baby came along he doesn’t socialize much anymore.
When I was planning my wedding to my second husband, not one person seemed to be excited about it. I was pretty much doing everything by myself. No one really cared about going to try on wedding dresses – I actually went and did that by myself. I see other people having engagement parties, bachelorette parties, shopping, crafting – having a wonderful time planning the whole thing. I want to be able to experience that.
I want to celebrate with friends and family! I want to have a beautiful wedding and an awesome reception following – Let’s face it, a good reception is the best part! I want to dance and drink and have a great time. I want to be surrounded by supportive people that look at us and see how much we love each other, truly feeling like our love and marriage can with stand any challenge.
Has anyone else else felt this way? What did you do to feel better or fix it? Any advice or suggestions would be nice!