Embarrassed to get married

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Is there a reason people would think that this won’t last? I mean, a specific reason concerning your relationship or him?

If not, why would you think that your family and friends wouldn’t like to celebrate with you? And as you said, you’ve never celebrated your first two marriages this way with them. And I suppose that people who know you and care about you, already know about your relationship, they know that you’re engaged (which leads up to a wedding) I don’t see, why they should roll their eyes when getting invitations.

Who would you like to go wedding dress shopping with? Why wouldn’t you just ask this person? Unless they really don’t care about you, I don’t see why they would turn you down.

Wedding planning is mostly done by two persons: the bride and the groom. In my case at least it was like that. That didn’t make me feel like my family and friends weren’t supporting me. And if I sometimes wanted to have a second opinion, I just asked them.

And it being a more intimade wedding is not making it less fun or means that you can’t have a good time. Don’t aim at numbers of guests that are not realistic for you two, but focus on the persons that love and care about you.

Post # 3
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

There’s so many things you can do that will be amazing. 

1. Destination wedding— it can be anywhere close or far and you can ask anyone you want to come. It doesn’t have to be a big affair to feel like your big day. You want to dance and party all night— you can do that with 5 people literally. 

2. Elope. Get married in a beautiful ceremony together by yourselves and plan a dinner type reception for another date to bring both sides family members along. 

3. Garden Party. Think cake and champagne reception or brunch. Invite who you want, have your ceremony and take beautiful photos with your closest family. 

No ones judging you for this being a 3rd marriage. It’s your wedding, your day. Think about how you want to feel on that day and your fiancé and work back from there. Stop worrying about guest counts and how many friends you have or don’t. You don’t need friends— you have siblings. Your a mom. Your going to be a wife. Focus on that and it will come together! 

Post # 4
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

energeticgemini :  why don’t you plan a non- traditional wedding? No aisle, no wedding dress shopping… just have a fun BBQ with your fiancé and whomever you’d like to invite?

I did away with a lot of traditions that didn’t work for us and even a year or so later people randomly told us it was the best wedding they’d ever been to! We just did what was perfect for us 🙂

I think for the friends thing, i do sometimes get busy but i find it’s easy to reconnect when I make it a focus. If that’s important for you I’d make that a priority. 

Some ideas (based on things you said) would be: you could both come out together and meet whomever is marrying you or you could both be there when guests arrive! Buy a random dress you like (my girlfriend bought hers at Le Chateau – white and $50) and put some ribs on the BBQ, buy beer, maybe have some music or spring for a DJ etc 

Post # 5
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

I’ve never been divorce, but I can relate to the feeling of not having friends or people to really do wedding stuff with. 

I had been feeling insecure and nervous about planning this big ol’ wedding and only being able to invite maybe 30 people and only half of them showing up. 

So, I’m not doing that. 

I’m having a really small wedding with only a handful of guests (8 people). I found an elopement package that allowed certain amount of guests and had all the things I wanted. That elimanated most of the planning and it any feelings of lonliness that might have gone along with it.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2018

energeticgemini :  I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way about something that ultimately will be a very happy occassion – marrying your beloved partner and father of your daughter. But I think every bride has similar feelings about nerves regarding what people will think – whether it be that your dress isn’t just right, your flowers aren’t perfect, you have “too few” guests, the reception wasn’t fun enough, etc. It’s easy to get caught up in these thoughts because a wedding is one day where you really are the center of attention, and that’s a lot of pressure. Just try to remember that whomever you invite, whether it be 2 people or 200, is there b/c they love you and want to celebrate you. They aren’t going to be thinking about those details and won’t be comparing this wedding to your other prior marriages.

I also agree with everyone suggesting alternative wedding plans – sometimes a small wedding means you can do extra special things b/c you don’t need to worry about feeding 200 people. A destination wedding, beautiful intimate dinner, ceremony in a special place like a gallery or on top of a mountain, a private show with your favorite band, renting a cabin or staying in a treasured family member’s house with a small group of close family and friends, doing an outdoor adventure together like skydiving or hot air ballooning – there are so many ways to commemorate your special day. 

Lastly, I think you should share your feelings with your parnter. Clearly your anxieties about the wedding have nothing to do with how much you love each other and I bet he could alleviate some of them by reminding you how excited he is to marry you. 

Post # 7
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

This is my third marriage too.  I don’t care how many people tell me no one is judging me but I still care.   My finance has agreed to an engagement party followed by a private elopement in Hawaii. I think I’ll be able to enjoy the moment more having it be just the two of us.  I hope you two can find your compromise.  Don’t let the past get in the way of your present happiness.  Even though it’s hard!

Post # 8
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

energeticgemini :  Bee your wedding can be whatever you want it to be.

 

I suggest you voice these concerns to your fiance before he thinks the wrong thing, and this becomes more difficult. If you work together on a solution, I think you will feel better about the whole thing.

Post # 9
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

energeticgemini :  I want to tell you, you dont have anything to be embarrassed about. Being an introvert I dont have a lot of friends either. Because I work from home I dont have coworkers. Like you, I didnt have a lot of people to attend my wedding. My family isnt exactly stable (think untreated mental illness and drug abuse) so none of them came. 

For my dress shopping I took a friend of my husbands, she was sort of an adopted sister to him and his family. She was great. I didnt have a bridal shower, or anything special. We went down to the courthouse, got our license, and DHs parents talked with their minister about us marrying in their church. 

We married in a small chapel, with his parents and two friends. I didnt have a bridesmaid and he didnt have a best man either. What I will always remember was how special and intimate it was with just us few there. I didnt have to worry about logistics of guest, I didnt have to entertain anyone. After the ceremony, we left the chapel, headed to my new In Laws home and had a cake and punch reception. 

Without having to worry about guest and other issues we were able to leave right away for our honeymoon. My in laws graciously watched our pets and we enjoyed our honeymoon. 

Please dont be embarrassed, and please dont let it stop you from marrying the person you love. That is the most important thing about getting married, being with the one you love.

Post # 10
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

energeticgemini :  Honestly, why do the traditional thing? It doesnt seem like it would work easily for you.

My FH and I are both divorced so this is our second marriage. We are doing a small family only ceremony at a lake near our house and taking everyone to dinner at a nice restaurant after. It will still be just as special and we will still be just as married.

Post # 11
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: City, State

Third marriage for me, an introvert, very busy mom with few friends.  We had a small wedding with just us and my children on our favorite beach then dinner at a nice restaurant after.  Then had a nice little honeymoon.  We both have drama filled families so this was perfect for us and we eliminated the stress that was causing issues for us when we originally tried to plan a bigger wedding.

Post # 12
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I just had my third wedding.  I was divorced from my first husband, and widowed from my second husband after 5 months.  So, I was planning my third wedding for January 2018 after just marrying my second husband in July 2014.  I decided to do a very small, low-key wedding.  My husband hadn’t been married before, but he is an introvert and was happy with something small.

 

We found a Bed and Breakfast that holds small weddings and set it up!  They did a little cake and punch reception afterwards, and it was just fine.  Then we all went to dinner afterwards at a nice restaurant.  I had a total of 21 people.  

 

It was LOVELY and SOOO low stress.  And every single person who went told me how fantastic and intimate it was, and how it was one of their favorite weddings.  You can have a great wedding without making a big, stressful deal about it.

Post # 13
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

I am a second time, older bride. My children are grown. My friends and family are 8000km away across the country. I haven’t  seen them in 3 years.

I moved to support my fh’s job. In a remote community. 

We are getting married near his home town. Still on the other side of the country from my prev lfe. It’s unlikely ANY of my friends or family will attend. They are not wealthy, and my first wedding was basically an elopement. 

He is very close with his friends and family. I love that, they are welcoming and open towards me. He is the baby and the favorite, so he needs to include his family. 

I had suggested we elope, it was out of the question. So we are having a lovely ceremony at a golf course on the ocean, followed by a sit down meal. 

No traditional stuff. No showers, toasts, dancing, bridal party, limos, nothing but our wedding, loved ones, a meal and photos.  We are still dressing the part. 

 

Point is, instead of focusing on who will not be there, focus on the love for you. If you want a small wedding, or to elope, do that. You can always host a dinner after to include his family. And allow yourself to feel.the love of his friends and family, too. 

Don’t  let fears and expectations keep you from being married. It can be anything YOU want. 

 

Post # 14
Member
2630 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

energeticgemini :  we only had like 20 guests when we got married (second time for me). We had our wedding in our back yard and then had a pot luck party (super common in my area). Just plan something small and intimate and dont invite assholes that you think would roll thier eyes.

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